Husband Accuses His Wife Of Being 'Unfair' After She Refuses To Name Their New Baby After His Mom
This mama's boy needs to start putting his wife first.
Dusan Petkovic | Shutterstock A woman admitted that she and her husband are not on the same page when it comes to naming their newborn baby, as he wants to use his mother's name. In absolute frustration, the 29-year-old mom turned to Reddit, explaining that her husband was adamant that after welcoming their third baby together, they should finally name the baby after his mom, despite her hesitance to do so.
A wife refuses to name their new baby after her husband's mom, and he thinks it's 'unfair.'
"I am pregnant with our third child. With our first child, my husband and I agreed that if it was a girl, I would have more say in the first name and he would have more say in the middle name and vice versa if it was a boy," she began in her Reddit post. "Our first was a girl so we agreed on my favorite name as the first name and a name that honored his heritage as the middle name. With our second, we found out that we were expecting another girl and my husband started pushing for her to be named after his mom."
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She explained that her husband is considered a huge "mommy's boy," and it's gotten to the point where it creates conflict within their marriage. Despite that, she acknowledged that her mother-in-law is kind, generous, fun, and treats her like a daughter, but there are some boundary issues that the two of them are still trying to work through. While she has an amicable relationship with her mother-in-law, she doesn't want to name their baby after her. Not even a middle name.
Her husband has continued to pressure her into changing her mind, and it's gotten to the point where resentment is starting to build because it seems like he cares more about honoring his mom than respecting her. She pointed out that he's never once suggested that they name the baby using her first or middle name, but that he automatically started pushing for it to be his mom's.
The wife admitted that it makes her feel 'hurt' that he's acting this way.
"He tried to compromise by asking for her name to be the middle name but I still don’t even want that because with the boundary issues we’ve had in the past I worry my [mother-in-law] will refer to the baby as 'her baby' or only call the baby by her middle name since it’s her name," she continued.
She attempted to compromise with their second child after the idea of naming the baby after his mom first came up by telling her husband they could give their baby two middle names, his mom's and hers, but he still didn't agree. In the end, he picked out the first name, and she picked out the middle name.
"Now to our third, he’s already starting to push his mom’s name again if it’s a girl and we got in an argument about it today that left me in tears because I told him how I felt and he said I was ridiculous for feeling jealous and that I was manipulating the situation to get him to drop it."
Needless to say, most commenters on Reddit were on this mom's side. As the top response simply stated, "The babies all have his last name? Is that not enough honoring of his family?" It should be enough, especially if mom is trying to be flexible and dad just won't hear beyond his own wants. But how do they resolve it without straining their own relationship?
Baby name conflict is much more common than most people realize.
In an informal poll of readers conducted by BabyCenter, half of the respondents admitted that there was disagreement between parents over a baby's name. Still, that doesn't really offer this couple a quick, easy solution.
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Clinical social worker Lizzette Potthoff told BabyCenter the resolution might center on doing more listening and a whole lot less talking. She explained that when you're in the midst of arguing about who has the right to name the baby, stop thinking about how you are going to get your point across and start actually listening to what your partner is saying. She said, "When it's your turn to listen, avoid jumping in to offer a counterpoint." Adding, "For a lot of people, the name is tied up in their own identity," said Potthoff. "When their partner rejects it, it feels like a personal rejection. Consciously remind yourself that your partner's feelings about the name have more to do with their attachment to their own ideas and identity than with any rejection of you."
That sounds very close to exactly what's going on between this couple. Both mom and dad are taking things personally, and it's causing the disconnect. While this mom is well within her rights to refuse to name her baby after his mom, she might get a whole lot further if she simply tells him she understands why he wants to give her that name before explaining why it doesn't sit right with her.
At the end of the day, sometimes all we want is to know that the person we've chosen to share our life with truly understands us. This isn't a concession on her part. This is her simply saying, "I hear you. Please hear me back."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
