Husband Refuses To Clean Up After His Wife Anymore After Doing The Majority Of The Chores In Their House For Years
He thinks she should be responsible for cleaning up after herself even though she shows no interest in doing so.
Zivica Kerkez | Shutterstock Cleaning is one of those things that is a necessary part of life but not particularly enjoyable. Many people will do whatever they possibly can to avoid it. One woman went so far in avoiding it that her husband decided it was time to take action.
A woman who all but forced her husband to do absolutely everything around the house was in for a rude awakening when he basically went on strike and refused to clean up after anyone other than himself. Now, he’s reaching out to Redditors for advice on how to proceed.
A husband went on a cleaning strike when he realized he was doing all of the housework.
In his post, the man shared that he has been married to his wife for eight years, and they are both full-time workers. “For pretty much the entire time we’ve lived together, I’ve done the majority of the cleaning,” he said. “I’d estimate around 90%. That includes dishes, laundry, vacuuming, the bathroom, organizing, trash, basically everything.”
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Apparently, laundry is an especially sore subject for the couple. “Laundry is definitely bad for her,” he shared. “She will let clothes stack four feet high and not do it for a month to two months. She’ll also make random clothes piles throughout the house and let them sit indefinitely until I pick them up.”
The husband came to realize that the majority of the time he spends cleaning is actually just picking up after his wife. “I tend to clean up after myself right away, so I’m rarely dealing with my own mess,” he admitted. “That means the cleaning I do takes even longer, because I’m essentially handling two people’s responsibilities.”
For her part, his wife doesn’t want to discuss the matter. “I’ve brought this up many times over the years,” he said. “She always gets defensive and says she cleans just as much as me (this part does anger me a bit). I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose, but I’m burned out.”
To deal with his wife’s lack of cleanliness, this man decided to discontinue part of his cleaning routine.
“So, I stopped,” he said. “I’m still taking care of my own stuff, but I’m no longer cleaning up after her. It’s been about three days, and the house is already getting pretty messy. She hasn’t said anything, but I know she’s noticed.”
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He doesn’t want to cause any conflict; he just genuinely wants the work he’s doing to be recognized. “I’m not trying to be passive-aggressive or start a fight,” he insisted. “I just want the imbalance to be visible so we can actually address it in a meaningful way.”
“If the cleaning issue was gone, our marriage would be perfect in every way,” he stated. “She really is my best friend.”
Some commenters wondered if the woman’s actions were not her fault and were actually the result of undiagnosed ADHD.
Several Reddit users asked the man about the possibility that his wife had ADHD. He added to his original post to address it and said that he didn’t personally know much about it, but would look into it and ask his wife for her thoughts.
Licensed psychologist KC Davis explained, “There are several things that [make] cleaning especially hard for people with ADHD, including compromised executive functioning, trouble with time management and shifting focus, plus problems with working memory and behavior initiation.”
While this certainly doesn’t mean that the man’s wife surely has ADHD, it is something to consider. If she does have the condition, she may struggle to keep her things neat because of it. Regardless of what this woman may be going through, people who are neurodivergent can take comfort in knowing that they are absolutely not lazy. Rather, there is a reason they struggle to complete certain tasks.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
