Wife Threatens To Ban Husband From Delivery Room If He Doesn’t Give Their Baby A Gender-Neutral Name
Seems a little bit over the top.
Valeriya Anufriyeva | Shutterstock Starting a family is an exciting time in any couple's life, but it's not without its stressors. Relationships require compromise, and sometimes babies and all the decisions that go along with them, from serious stuff like parenting styles to simpler decisions like choosing the nursery decor, can cause conflict.
For one troubled soon-to-be dad, choosing a baby name was the exact cause of conflict. After experiencing tension with his wife over her desire to name their baby a gender-neutral name, he posted his experience on Reddit in hopes of gaining the internet’s perspective on the situation.
The father-to-be is at odds with his wife over their baby's gender-neutral name.
The man and his wife, both 27, have been together for eight years and married for two. The pair, who are expecting their first child, talked about having kids before and the logistics behind it, but names were never an issue for them. That was, until they found out their baby’s sex.
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His leading choice for a name was Juliet, with Orion, Violet, Scarlet, and Dakota as other options, but his wife had other ideas. She wanted to give their child a gender-neutral name, such as Hunter, Scout, Payton, Rory, Morgan, or Kai, in case she decided to transition from female to male. He felt that her thought process didn’t add up.
“I mentioned to her that most people who transition end up changing their names to one they identify with, so even if we were to give them a gender-neutral name, they might end up changing it,” he wrote. “I also mentioned some people change their names just because, my grandma being one of those people and I used her as an example but she won’t budge.”
The wife was so adamant about her choice that she threatened to ban her husband from the delivery room if he didn’t agree.
In the grand scheme of disagreements, most people would probably agree that the baby's name isn't worth damaging an otherwise healthy and loving relationship. Unfortunately, this mom-to-be seems to be more than just invested in her preferred names. She's willing to remove her husband from the experience of seeing his daughter come into the world.
The dad-to-be also wrote that the mom-to-be said she "will tell nurses and doctors beforehand to not ask me for the baby’s information for the birth certificate." If you're scratching your head, you're not alone. Her inability to consider any names but her own choices seems extreme, which is likely why he turned to Reddit for advice.
Fortunately for him, commenters agreed that he was not in the wrong in this scenario. “Take it from a trans person, your wife is very much overthinking this,” the top commenter wrote. “Your kid can always change her name whenever she feels like it, so picking a name to be gender neutral won't actually matter that much.”
Another common point among commenters is how they believed the wife to be overreacting to something that is very unlikely to happen, and would be years down the road if it did. Thankfully, some took a much more pragmatic view, stating, "When it comes to baby names the golden rule is 2 yes 1 no, either you both like it or its not an option. Don't take turns picking names as one parent is always disappointed, don't be insistent on your choice if they don't like (& vice versa) and don't just outright insult the other person's choice, even if you really don't like it or think it's stupid that can have the effect of making them dig their heels in. 2 yes 1 no and make use if baby name sites."
This mom-to-be's insistence is probably just hiding an underlying issue.
No, threatening an otherwise supportive partner out of the birthing experience simply to get your way is NEVER a proper response. But what most commenters and even this husband have failed to acknowledge is that this seems like a coping mechanism for the simple fact that giving birth for the very first time is terrifying, and this is one tiny thing that she feels like she can control.
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Most people in the U.S. have never heard of tokophobia, a pathological fear of childbirth. Widely studied globally, it's not entirely surprising that the states have fallen behind in exploring the condition, considering how far behind the country is in everything from childbirth itself to postpartum care.
A small study from 2020 found an alarming statistic, however. Researchers found that 50% of women in the U.S. have a significant fear of childbirth. Globally, that number is estimated at a more reasonable 20%. A research-based survey from 2016 had women sharing their distinct experiences, and although not talked about nearly enough, these fears are tangible. One survey participant summed it up perfectly, “People say ‘oh you’re a woman, you’re supposed to know what to do’ and it isn’t like that. Everything about it is terrifying, and even though you may have a baby daddy or some family, everyone is still looking at you, and I just didn’t know; I didn’t know what to do.”
When you're facing an unknown fear like this soon-to-be-mom, and there's really no one who can assuage the anxiety, it can manifest as control over anything and everything, especially something as innocuous as a baby name. Instead of turning to Reddit to determine that he's right and she's wrong, this husband should be communicating with and supporting his wife by really listening to what she's saying.
Jonathan Alfano is a writer who focuses on news and entertainment topics. He majors in journalism at the University of Central Florida with a minor in sports business.
