11 Signs You Married A Man Who Provides Well But Emotionally Neglects You, According To Psychology
There's more to a marriage than a man who only provides.
sylv1rob1 / Shutterstock As most women know, life isn't always easy when you're balancing work, school, and being a mother. This is why some have opted out of these roles and instead have decided to marry a man who provides well. From fixing cars to taking you on Target sprees, many women showcase the ideal life where stress is basically non-existent.
However, there's more to marriage and a husband than how well he can provide. While Pilates classes are fun, it's important to know the signs you've married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you, according to psychology. It's unfortunate, but some women become so hyper-fixated on what a man can do financially that they forget the emotional aspect of their marriage. This is dangerous, as a man who emotionally neglects you doesn't do much to create a loving and welcoming environment, making wives feel more lonely than ever before. So, to avoid being put in this predicament in the first place, here are some signs to be on the lookout for.
11 signs you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you, according to psychology
1. You feel alone even when he's around
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The first sign you've married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you feel alone when he's around. Now, there will always come a time when your marriage will hit a bumpy road or two. Maybe your husband isn't putting his best foot forward and, as a result, is unintentionally neglecting you.
However, always feeling alone even when he's around is a sign that something is seriously wrong in a marriage. According to a study published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, human beings need a connection to thrive; otherwise, it can impact our health. So, if your husband isn't giving you that one-on-one connection, despite you discussing how you're feeling, then this might be a sign that he's been emotionally neglecting you.
With this in mind, it's not always easy to fix this disconnect. If a husband is neglectful by nature, he might not care how his actions come across since he's already financially providing, so it should be more than enough.' This means while therapy and being upfront are a good thing, if a man truly doesn't care to change, there's little you can do on your end.
2. Conversations are always about him
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In marriage, there will come a point at which your partner might unintentionally make the conversation about themselves. Sure, it might be annoying and upsetting, but it isn't unnatural for people to want to talk about themselves. That being said, doing this all the time is a glaring red flag, which is why a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if the conversations are always about him.
Sorry, but any person who only shows interest in themselves either isn't interested in someone or simply doesn't care enough about them to ask basic questions. According to positive psychiatrist Samantha Boardman, M.D., talking about oneself lights up the same areas of the brain associated with eating good food or seeking pleasure. "Simply put, self-disclosure is gratifying. It gives us a neurological buzz," cited Boardman.
That being said, if your husband is open enough, this can be easy to work through. As it stands, most people don't realize how much they talk about themselves until others point it out. So, if you notice your husband rambling on and on, don't be afraid to cut in and be upfront. While it might be intimidating, it's best to be honest than risk creating more distance in your marriage.
3. He dismisses or minimizes your feelings
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When you truly love someone, all you want is to feel heard and understood in your marriage. This is why a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if he dismisses or minimizes your feelings. He might have the best of intentions, but minimizing your feelings is hurtful for many reasons.
As most people know, your partner is your best friend. For better or worse, you actively choose to put one another first and confide in one another during the darkest moments of your life. Through this built-up trust, it can feel like a slap to the face to feel dismissed.
According to a study published in Personality and Individual Differences, feeling dismissed or invalidated predicted greater distress. This is why it's so important for women not to hold anything in and to be upfront and open. Sure, it might not be the most comfortable conversation, however, by expressing how dismissed you're feeling, you're allowing your husband to fix his mistake or choose to ignore it, showing you where you stand in your relationship.
4. You stop sharing your inner world
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Everyone likes to talk about how beautiful marriage can be, but rarely do we talk about how scary it can be. For those of you who've been stung before, you know just how terrifying it can be to open up again and share your inner world. This is why a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you stop sharing your inner world with him.
Opening up takes a strong amount of trust in your relationship. From discussing your experiences to expressing how you feel, there's a certain vulnerability that comes with sharing your inner world with someone else. This is why if you don't feel safe enough to do so with your partner, there's something clearly wrong in your marriage.
Nine times out of ten, the issue stems from not feeling accepted. As a health blogger who studied genetics and psychology at the University of British Columbia, Arash Emamzadeh explained, "Individuals with emotionally responsive partners are more likely to feel understood, accepted, validated, and appreciated." So, if you're not feeling this way and find yourself closing off, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Sometimes, you can't do everything alone.
5. You no longer crave affection and connection
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Unpopular opinion, but even the most shy person out there can't help but crave the affection and connection that comes with being married. From talking for hours on end to cuddling together while watching Love Island, there's a sense of intimacy we all crave, married or not.
That being said, a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you no longer crave affection or connection with your partner. It might be hard to hear this, but not craving that love and connection is a huge indicator that something is wrong in your marriage. According to a study published in PLOS One, displays of affection like holding hands, kissing, or cuddling are linked to relationship satisfaction.
Even worse, seeking that connection from others is a sign that you no longer feel fulfilled and happy in your marriage. And while this might feel like the end to something, don't panic too much. Nearly all couples go through these types of situations at some point in their relationship. Even so, it's important to remember that holding things in is never the answer, so if you're truly feeling this way, never forget to speak up.
6. You feel more like roommates than partners
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Another sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you feel more like roommates than partners. In marriage, men and women need to keep the spark alive. Whether it's a date night at home or flowers from the grocery store, finding ways to continue courting is one way people keep their marriages strong.
On the flip side, there are men out there who believe that providing financially is enough to get out of doing the sweet things they used to do back when y'all were dating. Feeling as if he already won, he no longer takes care of you when you're sick or remembers your anniversary.
This isn't great, as licensed marriage and family therapist Tasha Seiter, MS, PhD, LMFT, explained, "When partners feel like roommates, it's a sign of a pattern of mutual emotional withdrawal." She continued, "Instead of leaning on each other, partners have been going to their separate corners, being hyper-independent." So, while it's great your husband is providing, make sure there's still romance in your marriage. If not, you could be feeling a huge disconnect, leading to unhappiness and future turmoil.
7. You're emotionally drained
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Call it hippie nonsense, but there's something truly magical about being with the right person. When you're in a thriving and happy marriage, there's an undeniable spark in your eyes that can't be drained. That being said, a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you're emotionally drained.
Now, to be fair, there might come a point at which all men and women feel drained in marriage. It's unfortunate, but all couples go through heartache at some point in time. Even so, the strongest couples find a way to work through these issues and become stronger because of them.
However, always feeling emotionally drained isn't a good thing. According to a study in 2020, feeling emotionally drained is associated with greater health problems such as insomnia, depression, and anxiety. So, while it might be tempting to brush your feelings to the side, just know that it's okay to feel as if you're at your breaking point. After all, being emotionally drained is a sign you're being neglected.
8. You find yourself daydreaming more often than not
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Everyone gets in that headspace in which all they can do is daydream. Some people find it fun, others use it to pass the time when stuck in a boring meeting; however, a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you find yourself daydreaming more often than not.
Sorry to say, but it isn't normal to daydream all the time when you're with your husband. If you're truly content and happy in your marriage, you should be living in the present moment, not being stuck in an alternative universe. According to licensed counselor Leon Garber, LMHC, "Maladaptive daydreaming is associated with a sense of hopelessness and an inability to tolerate even minor inconveniences. The individual, here, perpetually feels dissatisfied with life, as few of its aspects can ever live up to his hopes for it."
With this in mind, ask yourself why you daydream in the first place. Is it because you're a Pisces and it's in your nature? Or, is there something you're escaping or feeling unfulfilled with? While it might sound intimidating, seeking professional help might give you the answers you're desperately seeking.
9. You're always the one initiating
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From planning dates to starting conversations, a sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is if you're always the one initiating. Now, there's nothing wrong with taking the lead and planning dates or starting conversations. That being said, doing it constantly is a red flag.
Remember: relationships are a constant give and take. So, if you find yourself always giving and never receiving, it might be high time to have those uncomfortable conversations. After all, men and women want to feel loved and wanted in marriage. However, how can you when you're the only one putting in effort?
So, while it might be hurtful to hear, telling your partner, "Hey, I really don't want to hurt you, but I've been feeling as if I've been initiating things lately," might be a good place to start. However, before approaching these topics, always remember: keep a clear head and a kind tone. While it might be tempting to interrupt, listening and being understanding is the best way to yield results.
10. You feel butterflies around him
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Now, on the outside, feeling butterflies might seem like a positive thing, right? After all, it's the classic sign people use in literature and in movies when they talk about love at first sight. However, what might seem like a classic fairytale feeling might also sometimes be your nervous system telling you something is wrong.
If you're around your husband and find yourself on edge and unable to relax, this is a sign that you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you. After being together for years, most couples will faze out of that nervous butterfly feeling and start to relax and feel safe in marriage.
Even if you still feel the same way you did all those years ago, there shouldn't be that nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach, as you already know your husband and have grown to trust him. That being said, if you find yourself deep breathing to calm down or putting your hand on your chest, it might be time to reevaluate your marriage. As it stands, butterflies are often a warning sign that you no longer feel safe.
11. When you do talk, it's surface level
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Finally, the last sign you married a man who provides well but emotionally neglects you is when you do talk, it's surface level. Now, don't get it twisted: there's nothing wrong with surface-level talking. Let's face it, nobody wants to trauma dump or talk about their problems all the time.
After spending years together, most couples would rather mix it up and talk about the little things in life. That being said, if you can only talk about the little things in life without digging deeper, this could be a sign you're married to a man who's emotionally neglecting you.
As it stands, when you truly trust someone, you can talk about anything under the sun. From childhood experiences to difficulties you've been facing, your heart is an open book. However, if you no longer feel comfortable or welcomed by them, then it's no surprise that you close yourself off. Like it or not, husbands have neglected to make wives feel safe enough to say what's on their minds.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
