Mom Hurt After Her Son's Classmates Say She Looks Like A 'Homeless Grandma'
“The last time the words of a 9-year-old hurt me like this, I was also nine.”
Natalie Board | Shutterstock Kids can be incredibly mean, and their words can sting. Unfortunately, hearing mean words from a kid doesn’t get any easier just because you’re older than them.
A 36-year-old mother found out this was true when her 9-year-old son reported that his classmates had said some hurtful things about her after they saw her on a field trip. Now, she is left dealing with her own feelings and worrying that she could be making it harder for her son to make friends.
A mom posted on Reddit seeking advice after her son’s classmates insulted her appearance.
In Reddit’s r/Parenting forum, a mom explained that she went on a field trip recently with her son’s third-grade class, and all seemed to go well. She found out that everything wasn’t quite as fine as she had assumed when her son reported some startling news to her.
“Tonight he told me all the boys in his grade were making fun of him the rest of the week because his mom looks like a ‘homeless grandma with grey hair,’” she recounted. “He didn’t seem super worried about it but was ‘just telling me.’”
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What the boys said would have been bad enough without any further context, but the mom decided to offer some so Redditors would understand just how deeply their words cut. “For background, we moved to a new, small city two years ago after I got divorced,” she said. “The majority of the families here are wealthy with a stay-at-home mom.”
This mom is, of course, in a completely different situation. She’s a single mom who is the sole provider for her family. “I work full time and feel like I am constantly struggling just to keep everyone healthy and happy and on time,” she shared. “I am clearly, visibly different in that I don’t have a $7,000 purse, or my nails done, and I don’t have the nicest or most expensive things to wear … I also do have grey hair because I stopped dyeing it about three years ago and tried to embrace it.”
Now, she’s worried that the ways she’s different from the other moms in town will reflect poorly on her son. “My son already feels different and already has a hard time being accepted by the other kids,” she said. “This year has been so hard already. I feel so guilty, like my appearance is adding to his difficulty with peers, except I honestly don’t have much in terms of time or [money] to fix it.”
Women spend an inordinate amount of money maintaining their appearance, and some people just can’t part with that much money.
A study from Advanced Dermatology found that women spend an average of $877 each year to maintain their appearance. Men, on the other hand, only spend an average of $592. The three categories that women spent the most money on when it came to beauty were skincare, hair products, and haircuts and color.
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Despite these incredibly high numbers, 60% of Advanced Dermatology’s survey participants admitted that they actually wished they had more money to spend on their appearance, while roughly one in six confessed they spent more than they really could afford.
This woman is under no obligation to change her appearance, and she should not be judged based on it either.
Just because she feels like she looks different from the other local moms does not mean this woman should change anything about the way she looks. More importantly, no one should ever be made to feel like they have to change their appearance for any reason other than their own wishes.
It doesn't sound like her appearance upsets her son much, either. In fact, according to her post, he wasn't bothered by it at all. Was the teasing harsh? Yes, but remember, they are little kids still. If her hair wasy dyed they would find something else to make fun of.
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What's more concerning is that it seems this mom might have some self-esteem issues and insecurity that make her feel vulnerable in the face of these kids' comments. If she is unhappy with how she looks or she is struggling emotionally, those words would definitely hurt more than they should, and that's the bigger issue.
There's no denying that these kids should know better than to be cruel about appearances. The world would be a better place if people spent less time judging each other so unfairly. But maybe this mom should consider taking some time to pamper herself if she's feeling vulnerable. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. When you look your best, you feel your best, and there's nothing shallow about that.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
