People Who Never Felt Truly Loved As Kids Usually Display These 5 Behaviors Later In Life, According To Experts
The emotional scars may be invisible, but these behaviors reveal just how deep childhood neglect can run.
Julian Nielsen | Pexels Love is a vital aspect of fulfilling the emotional needs of a child. Without the feeling of being truly loved, a child's development is deeply impacted and affects their future well-being and ability to form and maintain relationships later in life. Though if you grew up feeling unloved, it is not permanent. As an adult, you can always change your behavior with a bit of diligence.
Psychologist and author of Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect, Jonice Webb explained, "For a child to grow up with a complete and solid sense of themselves, who they are, and what they're capable of, they must receive enough awareness, understanding, and acceptance of their emotions from their parents. If there is a shortage by the parents in any of these areas, the child will grow up feeling incomplete and lacking some of the skills of self-knowledge and self-care necessary to thrive in this world."
People who never felt truly loved as kids usually display these five behaviors later in life, according to experts:
1. They're people-pleasers
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Although we all do this from time to time, an avid people pleaser always puts others before their own needs and desires to seek validation and approval, filling the void left by childhood trauma, emotional neglect, or lack of acknowledgment, explains counselor Larry Michel.
Research explored the associations between children's perceptions of parental emotional neglect and future psychopathology and found it is critical "not to trivialise the importance of children's perceptions of parenting. If a child complains that a parent is never loving, understanding, or supportive, this may be a powerful indicator with important implications for future mental health."
2. They're hyper-independent and emotionally distant
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Life coach Sidhharrth S. Kumaar points out that even in close relationships, they could hold others at a distance because they are afraid of being vulnerable or rejected. They might depend too much on themselves since they think they can't count on other people to supply their emotional requirements.
The Harvard Review of Psychiatry explained, "Emotional abuse was the most powerful predictor of emotional dysregulation, perhaps because it interferes with the acquisition of developmentally appropriate emotional-regulation skills. Emotional dysregulation and other impaired self-capacities in adults are associated with past exposure in childhood to emotional abuse and a lack of emotional support by parental figures."
3. They have difficulty accepting love without suspicion
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Kumaar continues, a person who never felt really loved as a child may find it difficult to embrace love later in life, perhaps encountering real caring with distrust or emotional distance. They could wonder whether they are really deserving of love or believe it will be taken away someday.
This can result in self-sabotaging relationships, avoidance of vulnerability, or maintenance of hyper-independence as a kind of self-protection. Deep down, love seems strange and hence dangerous.
4. They struggle with emotional security
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Adults who exhibit behaviors that suggest they did not experience true, consistent love as a child often struggle with emotional security, explains psychologist Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford. These struggles can also include challenges with trust, difficulty forming deep relationships, emotional dysregulation, and mental health challenges.
Research from the Pediatrics and Child Health Journal stated, "Emotional neglect represents dysfunction of the protective parental relationship on which children depend while they learn the skills needed for safe independence. It affects key developmental foundations, including perceptions of self, which should be acquired through the mirror of attuned parenting, and can have lifelong consequences for stress regulation."
5. They're anxiously or avoidantly attached
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Therapist Gloria Brame, PhD., explains, adults who never felt truly loved as children typically develop one of two distinct attachment patterns that follow them into relationships.
The first group becomes anxiously attached. They generally grow up to be clingy, possessive, and constantly seeking validation from partners. They're the ones texting "Are we OK?" after minor disagreements or needing frequent reassurance about the relationship's stability. This behavior stems directly from childhood emotional neglect.
They're still trying to fill the void of unconditional love they never received. Unfortunately, in re-enacting their childhood insecurities, they can alienate partners who feel suffocated by their neediness.
The second group becomes dismissive-avoidant, going the opposite direction by becoming emotionally distant. They struggle with commitment and keep partners at arm's length, even when they genuinely care. Having learned early that depending on someone's love leads to disappointment, they've built walls to protect themselves from future abandonment. This fear-based behavior often results in deep anxiety.
Both patterns create the same problem. An inability to form the balanced, secure partnerships that healthy relationships require. Healthy interdependence means being able to rely on each other while maintaining your identity, supporting your partner without losing yourself, and accepting support without feeling weak or overly dependent.
Instead of achieving this balance, those with childhood emotional wounds either overwhelm their partners with need or shut them out entirely. The good news is that recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking them.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
