7 Traits Of People Who Have No Close Family To Rely On
By choice or by chance, they guide themselves to chosen family.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock People can find they have no close family for a variety of reasons, and the results are often similar when we look at their personality traits. Not having any close family can feel lonely, but most find ways to build connections outside of their family of origin.
People without close family to rely on develop support networks in other ways and with other people. Those who have, by choice or chance, had to navigate the world without close family are often a lot stronger emotionally because of the family they choose and the traits they encourage. As a 2020 study of chosen families so precisely stated, "We just take care of each other."
Here are seven traits of people who have no close family to rely on:
1. They build a chosen family
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Therapist Dr. Gloria Brame describes it beautifully: I am one of those people. My parents are long gone, my husband passed a few years ago, and none of my remaining relatives stay in touch. People like me are forced to become independent and self-reliant to thrive. It's good to a point, but it can get lonely.
To combat the feeling of being all alone in the world, I've built a chosen family. Humans are wired to need platonic, emotional intimacy and lots of hugs! Chosen families fit the bill. I have nurtured a circle of close friends and partners I can rely on, and I continue to make new friends of all ages as well.
This allows me to combine my independent nature with a big, beautiful cushion of friendship for deep conversations, laughter, advice, and support. Most of my friends who don't have strong family ties do the same. It's become a way of life for us all.
2. They develop rugged individualism
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Dr. Brame elaborates on how being ruggedly individual can be both good and bad. The good part is when they learn new things, including better habits, acquire new skills, navigate problems independently, trust their judgment, and become excellent at self-care and self-sufficiency.
The bad is when they do not focus on self-preservation, stick to what they already know by refusing to leave their comfort zone, lose interest in life, or become depressed and angry at the world.
That is less rugged individualism and more self-isolation. They may still develop new skills and self-sufficiency, but it may come at the cost of their emotional wellness.
To flourish as a single person requires a mind/body wholistic approach that includes making sure to take care of both your physical health (exercise, healthy diet, adequate hydration, solid patterns of sleep, regular doctor visits) and your mental health by being kind to yourself, managing stress, forming a chosen family or set of friends with whom you routinely interact, and continuing to find joy in life through hobbies and social engagement.
3. They are resourceful
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When you don’t have family, being resourceful is a game-changer, advises life coach Lisa Petsinis. It means figuring out how to solve problems on your own, build new social connections, and adapt quickly to whatever life throws at you.
It helps you to get things done, like finding a reliable handyman through a neighborhood board, turning to online support groups when you need advice, or navigating childcare or medical services. Sometimes, it means knowing when to call in a pro — whether it’s for a repair, a résumé review, or help with a system that feels overwhelming. By tapping into your community, asking the right questions, and thinking creatively, you can fill those gaps.
The ability to rely on yourself doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it’s something you can develop over time through experience, curiosity, and practice. When you’ve operated without the support of your natural social network, like close family, you build the confidence to find new ways to get the help you need and truly thrive.
4. They have empathy — but are guarded
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Life coach Sidhharrth S. Kumaar says some people are more aware of other people's problems because they know what it's like to feel like no one is there for them. So those with no close family to rely on often show up more for the people who are in their lives. Friends and strangers alike.
This can lead to its co-trait, guardedness. It becomes harder to trust someone if your family ties in the past were toxic or non-existent. Even losing family to death creates trust issues and emotional guardedness.
5. They find allies
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If you have created a life that is different from your family of origin's priorities, which can mean having to move across the country or the planet, marriage coach Susan Allan knows you will need to find close friends and allies.
If you're a spiritual person, you'll likely find your primary relationship is with a spiritual family, which can often be responsible for a deeper rift with your family of origin. However, the spiritual family gives you access to an entirely new world, just as in Star Trek when the Captain enters warp speed, all the stars around his vessel suddenly become entirely different.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
