8 Rare Personality Traits That Always Make Women Swoon, According To Experts
Men who know how to naturally attract women do these things.
Samuel Yongbo Kwon | Unsplash Ask a woman to describe the man of her dreams. What does he look like? Is he chubby, muscle-bound, or somewhere in between? Does he wear a beard or is she clean-shaven? What color are his eyes?
Hang on a second. Chances are, she won't lead with any of those physical qualities.
We're talking about that indefinable something. The spark that lights the flame. Call it charisma, allure, magnetism, or any other synonyms for romantic appeal.
Yes, women often swoon when the right man walks into their lives. So, what are the rare traits men possess that might make a woman lose her mind in a good way?
Here are the rare personality traits that always make women swoon, according to experts:
1. Being an active listener
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Active listening is rare in men, points out psychologist Aline Zoldbrod. That's why we hear the term "mansplaining". An investigation of mansplaining in the modern workplace published by Cambridge University Press found "mansplaining may represent a type of gendered incivility — a form of rudeness most often experienced by women and gender minorities and most likely to be perpetrated by men."
A man who is modest, doesn't brag, and listens intently to what other people say (without piggybacking on that person's comments to bring the focus back to himself) is a rare guy indeed. Women notice that and swoon.
2. Using spontaneous, appropriate humor
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A rare trait that makes women swoon is genuine, spontaneous humor that appeals to their taste, suggests therapist and author Gloria Brame, Ph.D. When a man can make a woman laugh deeply and authentically, it creates an immediate emotional connection.
Forget memorized jokes and overused one-liners. If he shows wit and playfulness, or makes spontaneous, relevant jokes, it's a good sign he is easy to get along with, emotionally intelligent, and knows how to make conversations fun. Shared giggles release positive brain chemistry on both sides that includes raising levels of endorphins and oxytocin, according to the Department of Experimental Psychology at the University of Oxford.
Endorphins build excitement while oxytocin promotes intimacy and caring. That potent mixture of brain chemicals can spark an instant biological attraction on both sides. In my experience, women consistently rank a great sense of humor as one of the most powerful attractive male traits.
3. Humble confidence
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Dr. Brame clarifies that one size does not fit all for intimate relationships and attraction, but her observation from decades of therapy work is that many, if not most, women love a man who is self-confident but also possesses humility. This shows he has a solid balance between being strong and self-directed without being arrogant or a know-it-all.
Women respond positively to a man who shows he can make decisions, but still wants her feedback first. If he has good listening skills, seems comfortable with vulnerability, can joke about himself, and freely admits when he makes mistakes, it reassures the woman that he is a good person. That's a big turn-on to women who seek permanent relationships.
4. Being able to anticipate needs
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The ability to anticipate what a woman wants/needs is a highly attractive trait, according to life coach Mitzi Bockmann. Women can do this for people, but men often struggle with knowing what another person might need without being specifically directed on what to do. Tell them what to do, and they can thrive, but guessing is nearly impossible for them.
Research on need fulfillment and emotional experience in interdependent romantic relationships found that mutual need fulfillment enhanced positive emotions and relationship satisfaction, while an imbalance created more negative sentiments. Mutual dependence is a factor in a healthy relationship because meeting another person's needs without being asked builds trust and security.
5. Having intuitive empathy
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Not only is he nice, but he also has an almost unsettling capacity to know what someone needs emotionally without being told, observes dating coach Sidhharrth S Kumaar. It's not common because it takes self-awareness and emotional intelligence. When a guy "gets it" before you ever say anything? The game is over.
Numerous investigations into the positive role of empathy in married couples have been conducted. However, this is not only a factor for formally recognized relationships. A 2017 study of cohabitating but unmarried couples showed "individuals' abilities to be understanding, compassionate, and sympathetic may be related to the overall feeling of satisfaction and love in romantic relationships."
6. Giving gentle affection
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Coach Kumaar continues to explain that a man who shows consensual closeness via hugging, kissing, and touching by making eye contact and waiting for permission first creates a base where closeness doesn't always have to go anywhere, which makes intimacy stronger.
A study on the importance of self in intimacy explored how "the process of achieving deep and abiding relational intimacy is not simple, nor does a marriage guarantee it, and most importantly, that relational intimacy both requires and touches the self as much as it does the relationship."
7. A special blend of confidence and empathy
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Counselor Richard Drobnick says what makes a woman swoon is a blend of confidence, empathy, and attentiveness. It’s a man’s calm ability to sense when a woman needs emotional safety without being told, and to offer it without trying to fix, explain, deflect, or stamp it out. Women under stress don’t want solutions. They want to feel heard and understood.
Attuned reassurance is the rare trait of no agenda, just presence. It’s the man who, when she’s venting, doesn’t say, “You’re overreacting,” or “Here’s what you should do,” but instead says, “That makes sense. I get why that would feel overwhelming.” And he means it. He’s not acting, but he’s truly in tune. He doesn’t flinch from emotion or try to control it. He holds steady.
When a woman feels the kind of strength that listens without judgment and responds with quiet care, she softens, feels safe, seen, and accepted.
8. Possessing a certain je ne sais quoi
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It's always been and always will be sensual appeal, asserts relationship coach Susan Allan. You can't buy it, you can't teach it, and you can't fake it.
You also can't define beyond what an individual woman desires in a man. But she knows it when she finds it. A 2022 study on nonverbal communication in close relationships demonstrated that "nonverbal communication plays an instrumental role in the process of meeting someone in a potential romantic encounter, starting from determining if they are attractive, if they are interested in a relationship with us, and whether we would be compatible."
So be looking for her signals, be aware, and don't make it about yourself.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
