People Who Stay In Jobs They Can’t Stand Usually Tell Themselves These 11 Lies
People who stay in jobs they can't stand really have to learn to read the writing on the wall.
TommyStockProject / Shutterstock There is always that one person at every job who has the biggest workplace woes, but stays in a job they can't stand by telling themselves self-soothing lies. They complain about their pay, the manager, their colleagues, the systems they use, the customer, you name it, and they have a problem with it. Some of their concerns might be justified, while others are questionable, but for some reason, they have been there longer than anyone else.
Many of us know how to walk away from situations that no longer serve us, whether that be a career, a job, a relationship, or any other unfavorable circumstance. But some people will stay in a job they can't stand until the end of time, intent on being the company martyr. Those of us who can't wrap our minds around remaining in an unhappy situation wonder what they tell themselves to justify staying stuck.
People who stay in jobs they can’t stand usually tell themselves these 11 lies
1. 'It's not that bad'
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People who stay in jobs that they can't stand might try to minimize the situation by telling themselves that it's not that bad. This lie helps them to survive each day, but puts a band-aid on the real problems that they face at work. It's like putting lipstick on a pig and telling it how beautiful it is.
The reality is that pretending everything is okay on the job when it's not ignores the long-term impact on your physical, mental, and emotional health. Staying there can cause undue stress, burnout, and exacerbate pre-existing mental and physical conditions. If you can't change the culture, you need to change your place of work.
2. 'At least I have a job'
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I know that looking for a job can be hard in the current climate. It's no wonder that people working in toxic environments try to see the upside. They believe that they should feel blessed for being gainfully employed while others are struggling to make ends meet. It reminds me of the saying, "It's better to have a piece of man than no man at all." By whose standards?
The fact of the matter is that any time you settle for disrespect, even in an employer-employee relationship, you are reducing your personal value. Your mindset is rooted in fear. You are scared to be unemployed due to financial obligations, and believe that no matter how damaging the job is to your psyche, it could be worse. But it could also be better. You found that one, so you'll find another. Never settle for less than you deserve.
3. 'Things will get better soon'
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You have been holding out hope that one day, things will magically change at work and everything will be so much better. Maybe that incompetent supervisor gets fired. Perhaps the CEO retires. Either way, you have been waiting endlessly for something, anything to happen that will make the company you work for more tolerable.
But many times, you are leaning on false hope. With no real indication that change is underway, you hope leadership will change, or that policies will improve, or that there will be a sudden shift in the culture at the organization. That wishful thinking can have you hanging on to a sinking ship for years.
You are not the captain, so you don't need to get down with the ship. Jump on your lifeboat and get out of there.
4. 'Maybe it's my fault'
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If you've ever worked for someone who cannot take accountability and places the blame on you for mistakes in the workplace, you might have been gaslighted into believing the state of your job is your fault. You think that if only you had remained quiet or hadn't asked for a promotion, things would still be okay.
Standing up for yourself at work is something that everyone should feel comfortable doing. It should never result in retaliatory behavior or exclusion from your job. Self-blame can be a result of internalized gaslighting, leading you to believe you're overreacting, being too sensitive, or simply not performing to the set expectations. This mindset can leave you feeling like an impostor in a field you are a subject matter expert in.
5. 'Every job has its problems'
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While it is true that many workplaces have their share of problems, most won't rise to the level of toxicity you are feeling in your current one. This is a tactic that someone uses to minimize the dysfunction and feel as if they are not alone, and people everywhere are experiencing the same.
This normalization of dysfunction overlooks the abusive dynamics that you face at work every day. These are not everyday workplace issues. They are toxic and have an extremely negative impact on all aspects of your life. It's much better to cut your losses and find something better for yourself.
6. 'I don't want to start over'
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As a person who recently pulled the plug on my marriage after sixteen years with my ex-husband, I know the fear of starting over firsthand. You have made friends who feel like family on the job. You know that company and are familiar with how they do things, no matter how problematic. The thought of meeting entirely new co-workers and learning a new organization can be daunting.
But this fear of the unknown is holding you back from realizing your full potential in a place that enhances your talents and doesn't chip away are your mental health day after day. Clinging to that familiarity will have you investing all of your good years into an unworthy cause when you could be living your best life at a company where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
7. 'I need the pay and benefits'
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Practical considerations like your paycheck, medical, and dental benefits are fair when you decide to stay in a job that you cannot stand. You become dependent on the income and want you and your loved ones to be taken care of, should a health concern arise. So you stay there, unhappy and dissatisfied, doing what you have to do to not disturb the status quo.
That scarcity mindset can trap people in dead-end jobs. The fact is that 72% of private industry workers and 89% of local government workers receive benefits. What that toxic workplace is providing is not an anomaly. You can find the same benefits and pay elsewhere without the anxiety you feel every day, knowing you have to return to the place that disturbs your peace the most.
8. 'If I just work harder, it'll be okay'
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No amount of hard work will make an employer intent on treating you terribly treat you better. Once an environment of conflict and drama has permeated an organization, it's nearly impossible to shift it without buy-in and hard work from everyone. You cannot fix a situation where you are just one small piece of the puzzle. It must be a group effort.
Trying to outperform the toxicity is how you try to gain some semblance of control when it comes to your job. You might even think you can change your superior's perception of you and win favor from them. But the system is already rigged against you, and pouring more effort into the office is like pouring water into a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You eventually won't have anything left to give.
9. 'I don't want to let my team down'
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I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. Your team will be fine without you. You are not that important. As a matter of fact, if you were run over by a bus tomorrow, yes, they would mourn you, but then they'd post your position and welcome another teammate. They will rely on them just as much as they did you. You are not irreplaceable.
Furthermore, that bond you share with your colleagues could be trauma bonding, a sense of loyalty based on shared hardship. All of the negative emotions and experience you have shared with them makes it hard to walk away. But once you do, you will find that not only do you not need a workplace that drains you, but you also need to connect with people who share happiness with you, and not just collective trauma.
10. 'Quitting means I gave up'
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They say you gotta know when to hold them, know when to fold them, and know when to walk away. You've been hanging in there despite and conflict at work because you believe that leaving means you failed. You think it signifies that you didn't have the guts to fight the good fight and instead chose to tuck your tail between your legs and run off.
On the contrary, your decision to leave the table when respect is no longer being served makes you a hero. Many people don't have the courage to take a leap into the unknown and step out on faith. You are showing others that self-respect is your top priority, and you are giving it by cutting your losses and seeing where else life might take you.
11. 'I've come too far to quit now'
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If you know anything about the sunken cost fallacy, you are familiar with this particular excuse for staying in a job that you can't stand. You've invested too much time and energy into this place and desperately want it to pay off. You feel like you need a return on your investment and will stay in the trenches until you get it.
The irony is that by continuing to pour into a lost cause, you are investing more and more and multiplying the likelihood that you will never get out what you put in. You might have told yourself that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know, but I beg to differ. Settling for familiar misery over unfamiliar change is something your will certainly live to regret.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that delivers informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
