10 Things Women In Emotionally Distant Marriages Secretly Stop Doing First
When women have emotionally checked out of their marriage, they stop trying.
dekazigzag | Shutterstock Being in a marriage that feels emotionally distant can be really draining. The slow fade of connection between partners can stem from a variety of reasons and often unfolds over time, but that certainly doesn't make it easy to navigate. This person you've decided to dedicate your entire life to suddenly transforming into a stranger you no longer have a romantic and emotional connection with can feel incredibly isolating.
Women in these marriages often emotionally "check out" as a means of coping, slowly withdrawing from the relationship to shield themselves from further pain. Initially, they might have made earnest attempts to rekindle the spark and reconnect in a way that first drew them together, but when they begin to recognize their efforts were futile, they distance themselves. Their withdrawal tends to be subtle and quiet rather than overtly dramatic, making it less noticeable at first.
Here are 10 things women in emotionally distant marriages secretly stop doing first:
1. They stop initiating physical affection
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The one thing that women often stop doing once they realize they're in emotionally distant marriages is pulling back on the physical affection they may have previously shown to their partner. This means they aren't initiating kisses, hugs, or other forms of intimacy. For women, it just becomes difficult to show affection to their partner when there isn't an emotional connection to build on.
There's nothing more important to a relationship than physical affection. Clinical mental health counselor Dan Bates explained, "When couples engage in regular physical touch, they are more likely to feel emotionally supported and connected, even during challenging times. This stability contributes to a more consistent and satisfying sexual relationship over the long term."
This shift isn't usually due to a lack of attraction, but rather the emotional separation that has happened for some time.
2. They stop talking about their feelings
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A shift that usually happens when women find themselves in emotionally distant marriages is that they will stop sharing their feelings, thoughts, and experiences with their partner. At the beginning of their marriage, they may have sat down with their partner and had long, vulnerable conversations about their dreams, goals, and fears. However, once the emotional distance grows, those conversations start happening less and less.
Psychotherapist Moshe Ratson explained that a silent killer of any relationship is the lack of open communication with your partner. "When partners commit to making each other feel heard and valued, love has the opportunity to thrive."
3. They stop including their partner in future plans
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When women stop making plans or including their partner in future endeavors, that's a major sign they've checked out of an already emotionally distant marriage. One of the key things that makes a marriage last is a couple's ability to talk about and plan for their shared future, whether they're talking about kids, buying a house, or even the places they want to travel to. However, once a woman starts thinking about only herself when she envisions her future, her emotional investment in the marriage wanes.
"One thing that successful relationships all have in common is that the couples in them make plans for the future, both near and long term. Making plans builds a bond and a stronger sense of security in our hearts," pointed out psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith.
So, once couples stop making future plans, it's only a matter of time before the entire marriage begins to crumble, especially if one partner is doing it over another.
4. They stop trying to fix the relationship
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The most important part about couples managing conflict is how they move to fix things once apologies are said and things are mended. However, if a woman has checked out of her emotionally distant marriage, she's no longer bothering to have conversations about her and her partner's feelings, suggesting things like couples counseling, or just making a consistent effort to rekindle that lost connection.
The hope that she once had that the relationship would find its footing again has vanished completely, and there's nothing worse that can happen to a couple than no longer caring about fixing things after a conflict. Psychotherapist Moshe Ratson explained that when conflicts in relationships are handled constructively, it only leads to more trust being built between two people.
5. They stop caring about their partner's opinions
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In marriages where the emotional connection has been lost, women eventually stop caring about or seeking their partner's validation. This is often considered a crucial part of any relationship, as explained by psychologist Elyssa Barbash, who insisted that the more you're willing to hear what your partner has to say, and reflect on their feedback, the more likely it is that you probably will make changes in your life that are for the better.
However, after feeling disappointed and dismissed repeatedly by her partner, a woman will eventually learn that it's better for her to exist without hearing what they have to say at all. She no longer feels emotionally safe opening up to her partner, and as a result, she slowly starts to realize she's better off without their opinion and feedback.
6. They stop joking and playing around
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Jokes are a lighthearted way to feel closer to your partner, but women who have emotionally checked out no longer want to share something as simple as an inside joke with the person they love. That emotional distance can truly manifest in different ways, even in moments that used to feel effortless and joyful. She may no longer feel close to her significant other because that sense of emotional safety has faded considerably.
This loss of jokes may feel minor compared to everything else, but laughter between a couple can repair even the most tense or difficult moments. Without that easy and fun dynamic, the bond only weakens because a couple that isn't laughing together isn't doing much of anything else either.
7. They stop planning thoughtful gestures
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At the beginning of a marriage, a woman may have planned certain surprises and getaways that would bring her and her partner even closer. However, once that connection and bond fade, so does her initiative to plan those thoughtful gestures because she no longer feels the need to pour energy into someone who probably isn't pouring the same amount of energy into her.
She no longer feels a need to prioritize a marriage that is falling apart, especially if she feels that the connection is only one-sided. The loss of gestures like that can make two people feel incredibly alone, even if they still technically have each other.
8. They stop doing the little things to make their partner's life easier
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One of the quieter ways that a woman stops putting in effort to her emotionally distant marriage is by simply stopping the ways she used to make her partner's life easier when they first married. She may have taken extra time to make sure dinner was ready when they got home, or folding the laundry for them when they had to work early, but those small acts of care and consideration start to become something she doesn't think her partner deserves anymore.
She begins to feel as if she's putting energy into things that aren't being reciprocated. She may now have her partner figure things out on their own, not out of cruelty but because she no longer feels emotionally connected or responsible.
9. They stop engaging with their partner's family and friends
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In the early stages of a marriage, a woman may have gone out of her way to get to know her partner's family and friends, whether that meant inviting them over for weekly dinners, going to their events, and even texting or talking to them on the phone to establish her own relationship with them. However, once she loses that emotional connection with her partner, so does the interest in trying to make a place for herself in their life and the lives of the people they care about.
This doesn't mean she's lost respect or even love for her partner's family and friends; it just means she's no longer devoted to nurturing these relationships.
10. They stop tending to their partner's emotional needs
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Women, in particular, try to understand their partner's emotional needs and wants. They notice when their partner is upset and will work to ensure they get to the root of the problem and help them feel better. They'll go out of their way to listen, comfort, and even offer support if their partner needs it. But once a woman has emotionally washed her hands of her partner, the inclination to be that support system dwindles.
She may stop noticing signs of distress in her partner because she's simply stopped paying attention. The instinct to nurture and care for them fades, and she may even start prioritizing her own emotional needs instead.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
