11 Signs Your Parents Still See You As A Teenager Even Though You're A Full-Grown Adult Now
It can be frustrating to not be treated like the adult you are.
Media Lens King | Shutterstock Just because you became an adult doesn't mean that your parents will start treating you as one. You might be paying your own bills, but to them, you're still the same teenager who needed curfews to keep you out of trouble. When you're young, this mindset can offer you protection, but as a grown adult, it can be stifling.
Growing up doesn't always change the way your parents see you. Their view of you often sneaks up during interactions. Whether they question your choices or offer you unsolicited advice, they still view you as something in need of protection, not someone who is self-reliant. If you feel like you are still being babied, then you're not alone.
Here are 11 signs your parents still see you as a teenager even though you're a full-grown adult now:
1. They give unsolicited advice
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This is frustrating because unsolicited advice often carries an undertone of mistrust. It can feel like your maturity and judgment are being questioned. This creates tension between you and your parents over your growth not being acknowledged. You don't want a medal for being you, but you would like to be seen and understood by them.
The constant stream of advice can undermine your confidence and autonomy as an adult, leaving you in an emotional rut. A study published by The Journal of Gerontology found that young adults who received unsolicited parental advice experienced an increase in negative moods, particularly when they were dealing with life problems or had a strained parent-child relationship. The nature of it being unwanted impacts the relationships between parents and their adult children. This means that unless they ask, don't tell them.
2. They question your decisions
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Parents who still see their adult children as teenagers may attempt to control aspects of their lives. According to a study by the Journal of Adult Development, over-involvement from a parent has been linked to increased anxiety and difficulties adjusting to adult responsibilities in their adult children. They may believe that you cannot manage the world without their guidance.
As time passes, you cannot fully step into adulthood and take charge of your own life if your parents get stuck in the way. This can frustrate you, as it undermines your freedom and independence. While they may have your best interests at heart, it can hurt knowing they still see you as a helpless kid who needs rescuing. The best thing you could do is set boundaries with them and hope they stay in their lane.
3. They comment on what you eat or how you dress
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Parents will often make comments about what you wear when the two of you go out. They assume that because they have some authority over you at one point in your life, they can continue to boss you around. As a grown adult, you know the different ways to care for your body, but their persistent put downs can leave you feeling emotional and not good enough. When it comes to how you eat, they can be just as brutal with constant suggestions to cut back on certain foods or claims to eat healthier.
A nationwide survey on Eating and Weight Disorders revealed that young women who recalled their parents making comments about their weight or eating habits during childhood were more likely to experience dissatisfaction with their body weight in adulthood, even if their current weight was in a healthy range. These remarks can be hurtful, especially when you're confident in your skin and are comfortable with the food choices that you have made.
4. They talk down to you
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Some parents don't have the emotional intelligence to know when talking down to their children, but it can be evident in several ways. They might use a patronizing voice to explain something simple or belittle their child's decisions. This undermines their adult child's confidence and reinforces the idea that they still see them as a child who doesn't know any better.
This can be through condescending language or a tone that assumes you cannot understand things independently. A study published in Motivation and Emotion found that treating an adult child as dependent or incapable would result in them having lower self-esteem and difficulties forming trusting relationships later in life. The more they feel incompetent, the more likely they depend on their parents. This will lead to strained communication between you and your parents due to a lack of respect.
5. They don't respect your privacy
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They might go through your belongings or search your room without respecting your boundaries. Constant intrusions like these convey that your right to privacy isn't being taken seriously. When parents fail to allow some independence, children can be left feeling misunderstood and trapped in a dynamic that causes them emotional distress.
This lack of respect for privacy can also extend to your online life. A study published in Taylor & Francis Online found that young adults often shield their social media content from their parents due to perceived invasions of privacy. When parents maintain control over information on their adult children, the children may feel compelled to protect their boundaries by limiting what they share online. It's important to set firm boundaries and openly communicate the need for privacy. Remember that you are capable of running your own life without constant supervision.
6. They expect you to justify your independence
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Your parents examine things like moving out on your own or purchasing your very first car with a microscope. It’s not that they really care that you are doing something with your life; it's that you did it without their permission. When your parents see you as an extension of themselves, it can be hard to live your life and make decisions on your own without consulting them first.
It can feel like you are stuck in a loop, constantly needing to prove your maturity to them, or worse, trying to convince them that your ideas are good. When asked to justify your independence from them, it reinforces the parent-child hierarchy that should have evolved as soon as you became an adult. Instead of feeling supported, you may feel judged and micromanaged to the point where your idea of physical distance sounds more appealing by the day.
7. They act shocked when you are mature
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If your parents act surprised whenever you handle something with maturity, unfortunately, it shows how little they think of you. They have a vision of your behavior over the course of your life and feel that you have not grown enough to them. People are more than capable of growing, especially from a time when mistakes were made and emotional outbursts had more to do with hormones than actual life struggles.
Parents who haven't updated their mental picture of their child will struggle to recognize how much they have grown. So, maybe this is more about them than it is about you. You know how much you've grown since you were the bratty teenager they dealt with all those years ago. Having to prove your growth to your parents constantly can get exhausting.
8. They try to meddle in your relationships
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Parents are notoriously nosy when it comes to their children's personal lives. They want to know everything good or bad that's happening. For normal parents, it's to keep up with how much you've grown, but this can look slightly different for parents who still see you as a teenager. They may openly criticize your partner or suggest that they know someone who's a better match. They might even try to insert themselves into your relationship milestones, like suggesting where the two of you live or when to get engaged. This behavior shows a lack of personal boundaries.
The key issue isn't their interest or involvement but their inability to transition from a paternal figure to a supportive role. Such behavior can strain not only your romantic relationship but also your relationship with your parents, as it signals a lack of trust in your judgment. Sometimes, it's better not to tell your parents every single detail of your life, especially if they love to meddle.
9. They guilt-trip you for not spending enough time with them
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While it's natural for parents to miss their adult children, using guilt to get them to do something is just manipulative. This kind of emotional manipulation often comes at the expense of you dropping everything in your life to cater to your parents. This is not fair to you nor to them. It will perpetuate a cycle of emotional and mental abuse.
This behavior ignores the evolution of your relationship and keeps you stuck in a role where you give up your needs for them. A study published in The Journal of Gerontology found that about one-fifth of adult children report feelings of guilt toward their aging mothers. As guilt becomes a regular staple for your parents to use, you slowly begin to lose yourself. Setting boundaries in these situations is the best method, as it shows that you will not be pushed around to do what they want you to do.
10. They dismiss your stress or responsibilities
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When parents dismiss your stress, it creates a disconnect within your relationship, making it more difficult to confide in them. Your life to them, at least, is not taken as seriously as other aspects of their lives. They look down on you rather than acknowledging the complexities of your responsibilities. It can feel alienating and frustrating when you don't get the appreciation you feel like you deserve.
This refusal to see your current reality can chip away at your confidence, making you question whether your stress is even valid. They might cling to the version of you when you were carefree and dependent on them. They fail to realize that you've changed and grown while they stayed the same. Being treated like a teenager when you are handed adult-level stress is emotionally exhausting.
11. They struggle to talk to you as an equal
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Instead of engaging in adult conversations, they may continue to talk to you in a way that feels dismissive. It's the equivalent of not being able to sit at the grown-ups' table during the holidays. Even if you are capable of making your own decisions and handling responsibilities, they will still treat you as if you need to be guided rather than as an adult in your own right.
This could be due to your financial strains, which cause you to live in proximity to them. A survey by Bankrate revealed that 27% of adults aged 23 or older have received ongoing financial assistance from their parents, with housing costs being the most common form of support. This alone can perpetuate a hierarchical parent-to-child dynamic, where, as long as the adult child is under their parents' roof, they must obey their rules. This can cause adult children to feel like their independence is non-existent and that they will never be seen as equals in the eyes of their parents.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
