6 Things Deeply Desirable Men Do On A First Date
Want a second date? These habits almost guarantee one.
David Goldman | Unsplash Whether you have never been on a date before or you’ve been single for some time, most men know little about how to have a great first date. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been single. It could be months or a few minutes, but we all need some up-to-date advice on what makes a man deeply desirable on a first date.
You could use some help to paddle through the wild waters of a first date. You might not know what you need to do to make your first date with your special friend great, so let’s take a look at some of the things you need to avoid to ensure you get a second one.
Here are six things deeply desirable men do on a first date:
1. They're not too touchy-feely
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Although it’s fine to touch her in a friendly, warm, and natural way, deeply desirable men make sure they don’t touch a woman — even casually — right away. Unless there is a connection, chemistry, and consent, keep your hands to yourself.
A study of interpersonal chemistry in friendships and romantic relationships identified "the core themes for interpersonal chemistry as: Reciprocal candor, mutual enjoyment, attraction, similarities, personableness, love, instant connection, and indescribable factors. And found that women’s responses centered more on love as characteristic of friendship chemistry and similarities as a component of romantic chemistry."
2. They avoid being cheap
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Deeply desirable men don’t look miserly and frugal on their first date. If you are a little cash-strapped, then get creative and plan your date in a way that doesn’t require you to spend a lot of money, like going on a hiking trip, which is a style of immersive date.
"Immersive dates set daters up for an array of shared emotions through the experience. Those new experiences are the most effective and efficient way to create a connection. Doing a fun or adventurous activity can be better than sitting at a table and having a conversation, reporting on your life," recommended relationship coach Laurel House.
An immersive style date activity allows you to experience life together, create a memory, and have good conversations, and it doesn't have to be expensive," House continued.
3. They aren't uptight about splitting the bill
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So, you make a lot of money. That’s great. But deeply desirable men respect and appreciate the fact that she is a financially independent woman. If she wants to split the bill, treat her as an equal and let her pay.
The traditional rule of men always paying on dates is based on social norms that place men as providers in romantic relationships. A study in Psychology of Men & Masculinity suggested that less traditional gender attitudes in dating indicate more flexible attitudes toward gender in general.
4. They don’t brag
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Trying to impress her and being obnoxious is not something deeply desirable men do. This date is not about you tooting your own horn. So, don’t brag about how much money you make, how much you bench, or how many women you’ve been with. Talk about your values and beliefs, and what is important to you in life.
A study of scripts in reality dating shows explained how, "men were more likely to outline the probability of relationship development and pay compliments; conversely, women were prone to intriguing men to arouse curiosity and interest. Nonetheless, the similarities between men and women were found to be greater than the differences."
So, consider how you feel on the receiving end of first date communication and apply it to your communication.
5. They speak respectfully
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Deeply desirable men make sure they don’t swear and curse every sentence. Just control yourself for a few hours and behave in front of her. Don’t forget you’re trying to impress her with your authentic self while being aware of differences in social norms.
"People put so much pressure on themselves and their prospective dates, based on social myths about dating and what a first date is for," advised relationship coach Lisa Hawkins.
"The first date should be easygoing. Of course, you want to put your best foot forward, but not to the point of being fake. You also don’t want to focus so much on vulnerability that you vomit out information before it’s time. There's a time for everything — and it isn’t all on the first date."
6. They're confident and composed
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Regardless of how excited you may be underneath to have the opportunity to date this wonderful woman, deeply desirable men make sure you play it cool on the outside. Being too enthusiastic on a first date may send out the wrong signals and send her running for the hills.
Act confident and composed at all times, but be jovial and flexible as well. It doesn’t have to be perfect, nor does it have to be complicated.
No one wants to keep dating new people day after day, week after week, and month after month. We all hope to meet a special someone and have something meaningful, something that will last. And all that can happen just by having a great first date, which hopefully leads to a second one and a third one, and so on.
The two most important things that you need to keep in mind are confidence and having fun. Everything else will sort itself out.
Theo Harrison is an artist, blogger, writer, and former contributor to The Mind's Journal, who writes primarily about mental health, pop culture, and relationships.
