11 Phrases To Start Saying If You Want To Stay Married For A Long Time
Let your words build a love that will last a lifetime.
Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock Anyone who has been married longer than a few years knows that staying happily married isn’t about luck, it's about skill. Sure, love matters, but what really keeps a marriage thriving is the everyday words we choose to say to our spouses. A simple phrase at the right moment can be more powerful than any romantic getaway. It can ease an argument or bring the two of you closer together after a stressful day.
The couples who go the distance don't just survive tough times, but speak life into their relationships. They lean on small talk everyday and remind each other that they're in on this together. Whether you're just starting out or deep into the years of commitment, one thing to remember is that the more you communicate the better the chances that your marriage has of lasting a long time.
Here are 11 phrases to start saying if you want to stay married for a long time
1. 'Thank you for everything you do.'
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Expressing appreciation for everything your partner does may seem small, but it can have a powerful impact on your relationship. In the routine of daily life, it's easy to overlook the many ways your spouse contributes, from handling responsibilities at home to offering emotional support when things get tough.
Taking a moment to acknowledge those efforts helps your partner feel seen and valued. It reinforces that you don't take them for granted and it creates a positive cycle of mutual respect. Over time, this kind of gratitude builds a stronger emotional connection and reminds both of you that your efforts matter.
In fact, a study has shown that both feeling and expressing gratitude are closely linked to higher levels of marital satisfaction. While expressing gratitude directly doesn't always predict your partner's satisfaction in the marriage, the internal experience of gratitude still has a powerful effect. This suggests that even when unspoken, genuine appreciation strengthens emotional bonds and creates a better connection between spouses.
2. 'I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that.'
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Taking responsibility when you've hurt your partner, even unintentionally, is a powerful act of emotional maturity. Owning your mistakes and acknowledging that your words or actions were unfair shows that your partner's feelings are more important than your ego. It's not just about saying sorry, it's about recognizing the impact of your behavior and making space for healing.
When your spouse hears you take genuine accountability, it builds trust and signals that their emotional well-being matters. Over time, these moments of humility can diffuse resentment, deepen empathy, and make it easier to move forward together.
"When we're hurt, we need to feel that our hurt is seen, understood, and matters to be able to move forward," says Tasha Seiter MS, PhD, LMFT.
This recognition creates the kind of emotional safety that allows couples to repair after conflict and grow even stronger. Without it, hurt can harden into distance. But when partners consistently show that they're willing to own their part and respond with care then they build a foundation of trust that can get them through the hardest times.
3. 'Would you share that again so that I can support you better?'
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In any long-term relationship, there are moments when one partner misses the mark, not out of neglect but because they didn't fully understand what the other needed.
"Partner's often make errors in reading each other and misjudge how easy they are to read," says Holly Parker, Ph.D.
Asking your partner to repeat themselves so you can better understand and support them sends a clear message, their feelings matter and you’re committed to being present for them. It's an invitation to deeper the communication where one replaces assumptions with clarity and defensiveness with empathy.
This kind of curiosity and willingness to listen builds emotional safety. Helping both partners feel more connected and supported in the long run. These small moments of intentional listening and re-engagement don't just resolve misunderstandings, but they actively strengthen the emotional foundation of the marriage.
4. 'I love you and I'm here for you.'
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In the middle of life's chaos reminding your partner that they're loved and not alone can be incredibly grounding. To be there for someone is a promise for the future. It's not just an expression of affection, but a reassurance of presence, commitment, and emotional stability.
"Not following through on this promise would likely be more detrimental to your loved one and the relationship than never making the promise at all," says Elizabeth Dorrance Hall Ph.D.
These words can act like an anchor during difficult moments, offering comfort and strength when your partner needs it most. Consistently expressing both love and support helps create a safe emotional space where both people feel secure. Over time, that sense of unwavering support becomes one of the most powerful foundations of a lasting marriage. In a way, love becomes more than just a feeling, it becomes a steady lived-out choice to stand beside each other, no matter what.
5. 'Let's figure this out together.'
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Staying married for a long time relies less on big romantic gestures and more on everyday communication that builds trust, empathy, and connection. Expressing appreciation regularly helps a partner feel valued. Offering help before being asked shows attentiveness and support. Admitting when you're wrong and taking responsibility nourishes respect. Giving thanks often reminds both partners of the small efforts that keep things running smoothly.
Being willing to talk things through helps resolve issues before they escalate. Checking in on how your partner is feeling creates emotional safety. Asking what they need encourages mutual care. Reassuring your commitment strengthens the bond. Showing confidence in the relationship builds long-term resilience and listening with genuine curiosity invites understanding. These kinds of statements, spoken consistently can be a powerful foundation for a lasting and happy marriage.
6. 'I appreciate you.'
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Saying 'I appreciate you' is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to nurture a long-lasting marriage. In the hustle of everyday life, it's easy to take our partners for granted. Acknowledging the small things they do makes them feel seen and valued. When you express appreciation, it strengthens your emotional connection and creates an atmosphere of gratitude in the relationship. Over time, this builds a sense of mutual respect and reinforces the idea that both partners are essential to the marriage. Saying "I appreciate you" reminds your spouse that you don't just love them, but you recognize and cherish their efforts.
Research shows that when partners feel their support is appreciated it can contribute to their spouse's happiness thus, both individuals experience greater well being. This kind of acknowledgement creates a cycle of connection and responsiveness that is the key to sustaining long-term relationship satisfaction.
"Small, daily gratitude habits can build resilience and help navigate life's most messy, stressful moments," says Lindsey Godwin Ph.D.
By making appreciation a regular part of your relationship, you not only affirm your partner's efforts but also help each other to understand yourselves better.
7. 'I was wrong. You were right.'
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Saying this takes humility. It's a game-changer in any long-term marriage. Admitting fault shows emotional maturity and a willingness to put the relationship above your ego. It tells your partner that you're not interested in winning arguments, you're interested in understanding and growing together.
Acknowledging when your spouse is right builds trust and respect, making them feel heard. It also sets the tone for open, honest communication where both people can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. Over time, this simple phrase can defuse defensiveness and create a culture of accountability.
"Some people refuse to admit they're wrong, even in the face of overwhelming evidence, due to a fragile ego," says Guy Winch, Ph.D.
This inability to admit fault can undermine a relationship, creating walls where there should be bridges. By choosing to own up to mistakes, you invite your partner into a space of empathy and collaboration. As you both learn to embrace imperfection and growth, you begin to create a relationship that thrives on it.
8. 'Tell me more about how you're feeling.'
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Saying this invites emotional intimacy and shows your partner that you truly care about their inner world. It's a powerful way to open the door to deeper conversations and to make space for vulnerability. Instead of rushing to fix things or offering advice, this phrase communicates that you’re ready to listen. Over time, this kind of emotional curiosity strengthens trust and helps your spouse feel safe sharing even the harder emotions. In a long-term marriage, where communication can sometimes slip into surface-level routine, asking how your partner feels can keep the emotional bond strong and resilient.
"To strengthen relationships, ask open-ended questions and avoid questions that imply negative assumptions about your partner," says Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, ABPP.
By asking genuine, open-ended questions you create an environment where mutual respect thrives. This small but impactful practice nurtures emotional intimacy and allows the relationship to grow deeper.
9. 'What's wrong with me has nothing to do with you. I apologize.'
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This phrase shows a high level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness, qualities that are essential for a lasting marriage. When tensions run high, it's easy to project internal stress and frustrations onto your partner. This creates a dynamic where one person blames the other for their inadequacies.
"Blame spirals dynamics out of control. Connection deactivates them," says Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
By taking ownership of your emotions and preventing unnecessary conflict you open the door for reconciliation. It reassures your partner that they're not being blamed for something outside their control and it opens the door for honest communication without defensiveness. This kind of accountability helps your spouse feel respected and emotionally safe and it models healthy emotional boundaries which are keys for weathering life’s inevitable rough patches together.
10. 'I'm proud of you.'
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Stating that you are proud of your partner might seem small, but it carries deep emotional weight in a marriage. It tells your partner that you see their efforts like their accomplishments, hard work, and sacrifices. Whether it's a promotion, handling a tough situation, or simply showing up each day with love and commitment, acknowledging their growth creates a strong sense of emotional support. This phrase builds confidence and reminds your spouse that you’re not just a teammate in their daily lives, but also their biggest cheerleader.
"Genuine lovers are proud of their beloveds as they evaluate their characteristics in a very positive manner and consider themselves to be very connected to the beloved," says Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D.
When you express pride in your partner, it strengthens the emotional bond by reinforcing the belief that you both are a team. In the long run, feeling seen and validated helps the marriage thrive through all seasons.
11. 'We're on the same team.'
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Reminding your spouse that you're on the same team is a powerful reminder that it's the two of you against the world. In the heat of an argument, it's easy to slip into a mindset of blame or defensiveness, but this phrase shifts the perspective. It communicates that your goal isn't to win against each other, but to work together toward a solution that strengthens the relationship.
"The core of teamwork is feeling that the other person has your back, and that you tackle problems together," says Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W.
This creates cooperation, empathy, and a sense of safety for both partners no matter what conflict or challenges they are going through. In a long-term marriage, keeping this team mentality front and center can be the difference between drifting apart and growing close together.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
