People With High Mental & Emotional Discernment Avoid These 11 Boring Phrases At All Costs
KaterynaUKR | Shutterstock Constructive conversations are based on give-and-take. One person speaks, the other person listens. They absorb what's being said and listen for the emotion behind the words. They respond in a way that moves the discussion forward, allowing an exchange of ideas that makes both people feel heard and appreciated.
As simple as it sounds, conversations can easily fall flat, especially when people try to follow a predetermined script. A common thread connects the boring phrases people with high discernment avoid at all costs: a lack of authenticity. Luckily, brilliant people understand that showing up as their full selves is the best way to share what they think.
People with high discernment avoid these boring phrases altogether:
1. 'That's just my two cents'
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People with discernment speak to make an impact. They wield words with care because they know everything they say can change people's minds and affect their lives. They avoid saying "That's just my two cents" because it's a boring phrase that reveals an undercurrent of self-doubt.
People who say "That's just my two cents" don't fully own their opinions. Their message gets lost in the sea of insecurity they project. Brilliant people elevate what they say by saying it with confidence. "We spend a lot of time thinking about the outside, maybe especially for women," voice coach Caroline Goyder said in a TED Talk. "Actually, confidence doesn't exist on the outside. It exists within us, in the visceral stuff, in the bits within you that we don't see. We breathe with our thoughts. All speech is our breath, all song is our breath, and all in-breath is thought."
2. 'I could be wrong'
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Discerning people don't couch their opinions in generic platitudes like "I could be wrong." They know there's nothing wrong with being wrong, but they don't let doubt undermine what they're saying. They share their thoughts without hesitation, avoiding boring phrases that reveal a lack of conviction. They understand that being wrong doesn't detract from their ideas. A key part of their brilliance is knowing they don't know everything, which lets them move through the world without seeing themselves as superior to anyone else.
3. 'I hope you're doing well'
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Out of all the boring phrases discerning people avoid at all costs, "I hope you're doing well" is a series of words they're practically allergic to. They understand the value of wishing someone well, especially in more formal communication, but they think this phrase has been overused to the point of losing its meaning.
These types of folks know how to stand out from the crowd, so they replace "I hope you're doing well" with a more personal statement. When they reach out to someone they haven't spoken to in a while, they mention seeing something relevant to that person's interests. Then, they use the phrase "It made me think of you."
4. 'I'll circle back'
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When people contribute to team projects at work, they use their well-developed communication skills to keep everything running smoothly. They avoid using the boring phrase "I'll circle back" at all costs, because they think it's too vague to have an impact. Instead, they give colleagues specific information, outlining exactly when they'll check back in. Discerning people are masters at making the most of their time and reclaiming it by mapping out a clear workflow schedule, including managing other people's expectations as clearly as possible.
5. 'It is what it is'
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People like this avoid saying "It is what it is" because they think the phrase is an overwrought expression of mindfulness. While less-enlightened people interpret the phrase as an excuse to shirk accountability and sidestep putting effort into things, discerning folks actually embrace the philosophical idea behind it.
As clinical somatic psychotherapist Alyssa Nobriga revealed, "It's important to see that acceptance isn't necessarily passive. Acceptance is about our inner state," while being "passive or active is about our behavior. Most people think, 'If I accept something, then it won't change,' but that couldn't be further from the truth. We can take action and make changes to create what we want, without attachment."
6. 'Failure isn't an option'
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Discerning people aren't just smart in a practical sense; they're also smart emotionally. They know that the phrase "Failure isn't an option" actually sets people up to fail, because it holds them captive to impossible expectations. Learning from failure is what makes these folks more successful than everyone else. As counselor and psychotherapist Cheryl Gerson shared, "perseverance trumps innate talent."
More often than not, success comes down to perspective. People with a fixed mindset think their intelligence can't change. They get derailed by every little misstep and never make it to the finish line. People with a growth mindset see failure as a tool for self-improvement, so they eventually reach their goals. "The difference between a fixed and growth mindset is your tolerance for frustration, mistakes, and surprises," Gerson explained.
Doing things wrong lets people step back and assess their process; these people see setbacks as an opportunity to change course. Failing might not be comfortable, but it's the right path to learn more about yourself, which creates change.
7. 'Nice work'
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While most managers give employees bland feedback, these people avoid boring phrases like "Nice work" at all costs. Their discernment shows in their dedication to positive, constructive feedback. They point out specific details that highlight their employees' individual gifts and explain how those strengths have helped the team. They are exceptional leaders because they know genuine gratitude is key to inspiring others.
8. 'Let's agree to disagree'
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A boring phrase discerning folks avoid at all costs is "Let's agree to disagree" because it runs counter to their core principles. Not only is the phrase overused, but it also casually invalidates someone else's beliefs. According to mental health social worker Tristan Jones, invalidation can serve a functional purpose, as it "allows us to fact-check and challenge our emotional responses; however, it can often be overused as a way of ignoring conflict." Emotional invalidation can contribute to "a festering of resentment and a growing belief that how one feels is not important or allowed."
"We often see conflict as a negative. Conflict is natural," Jones explained. "We are not all the same person with the same ideas, wants, and needs. The key is not to avoid all conflict and invalidate negative emotions, but to communicate and work together to move through them."
9. 'I don't have time for this'
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People like this set boundaries around their time, but do so with firm kindness instead of rudeness. As psychologist Nick Wignall revealed, "So much suffering in life comes down to unhealthy boundaries. While most people know that better boundaries are key to healthier relationships, they're also essential for your emotional health and well-being."
He acknowledged how emotionally taxing it can be to reinforce your boundaries, which is why it's so important to remember the specific values that guide you to set them in the first place. "When you take a moment to remind yourself of the big picture and why it matters to set and enforce your boundaries, you'll be amazed at how much more emotional difficulty you can tolerate."
10. 'Can you do me a favor?'
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Asking, "Can you do me a favor?" can make it seem like people don't see their needs as worthwhile. Insightful people avoid this boring phrase and instead ask for what they need more directly. While some people think asking for help makes them seem weak, these folks know it's actually a show of immense inner strength.
Personal development coach Moira Hutchinson revealed that reaching out for support can improve your life in tangible ways, since asking for help strengthens your connection with others. Getting the help you've asked for can boost your self-esteem, as it offers "concrete proof that others want to see you be successful in life. Giving and receiving help can enrich your life; you'll strengthen your relationships and be a better person for it."
11. 'Let's play it by ear'
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"Let's play it by ear" is a boring phrase people use when they're too indecisive to commit. It's a request for leeway that people often misuse when they don't want to make any real decisions. Saying "Let's play it by ear" lets them wiggle out of definitive plans under the guise of flexibility.
Thoughtful people avoid this boring phrase at all costs because they value direct, honest communication. They make an effort to say what they mean and mean what they say. If they can't show up, they say so, straight out, without making excuses or mincing words. People who say "Let's play it by ear" don't realize how damaging the phrase can be, especially when they have no intention of following through. Yet discerning people genuinely want to commit, especially when it comes to the people they care most about.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer covering psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human-interest stories.
