People Who Truly Value You In Their Life Usually Show These 12 Behaviors When They're Around You
Katerina Holmes | Pexels It’s not always obvious when someone values you, especially when you first meet or are starting to hang out more often. There's often a quiet emotional confusion at work, making you wonder if you're misinterpreting signals from them. Are you on your way to true love or a best friendship, or are you making something out of nothing?
It's normal to wonder if you're too invested in a relationship or friendship with someone new. Of course, the more you get to know each other, the clearer their feelings become, but that time can feel so far away. So, how can you know early on whether they truly value you so you can adjust your expectations and commitments accordingly? Look to their behaviors. After all, actions will always speak louder than words.
Here are 12 signs someone really loves having you in their life, according to psychology
1. They truly listen when you speak
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When someone loves having you in their life, they want to know everything about you. Even the smallest details are important to them: If you put sugar in your coffee, what your favorite song is, the kinds of stories that make you laugh.
They listen when you speak — really, fully listen. They look into your eyes and ignore outside distractions. They match your physical cues by nodding when you say something positive. They respond to what you say by restating your points and asking open-ended questions, so you'll open up even more.
Actively listening means they care about what you think. It shows that they're empathetic, compassionate, and that they hold you close. By giving you their undivided attention, they're demonstrating just how much they want you in their life.
2. They accept your flaws
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People who truly value you in their lives remember what you've told them about your past, both good and bad, and they don't hold your mistakes against you. If you're anxious, they listen to your racing thoughts without judgment. If you're angry, they let you express it without discomfort. When someone loves knowing you, they don't expect or want perfection.
They do, however, inspire you to change and grow. In fact, people's relationships, when healthy, are shown by research to promote healthy growth in the individual, too. Yes, it's a real double-whammy. Not only do you get the joy of love and/or friendship, you also get to live in a metaphorical fertile ground for growth!
The person who accepts you doesn't think you're not good enough or a bad person. They see what makes you imperfect and understand it's part of the rich tapestry that makes you unique. They want to see your messy side and hold your hand through the hard times. They know that you're always evolving, and they want to be there with you for the journey.
3. They celebrate your successes
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Being present for someone should extend beyond moments of hardship. Of course, it's amazing to have someone support you when you're down, but having someone who can be with you when you win is equally as important.
Instead of exhibiting jealousy or an edge of competitiveness, a person who values having you in their life will shout your victories from the rooftops. They'll pop bottles when you reach even minor goals, like finally folding that huge pile of laundry in the corner of your room, winning an award, or getting praise from your boss on a project you completed.
When someone values you, they'll show up for the low points, the mundane activities, and join you in celebrating your wins, too.
4. They're willing to be vulnerable with you
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A crucial aspect of being close with someone involves letting one's guard down. If someone respectfully tells you exactly how they feel, even when it's scary, they probably truly value you. After all, being emotionally vulnerable is the only real way to strengthen a connection with others.
As Terry Gaspard, a licensed clinical social worker, explains, "Vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion."
"Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it's a strength," Gaspard continues. And it takes a brave person to offer it up! If the person you're dating or the new friend you've just met lets you see how their inner world works, it means they want to be closer to you, and they deeply value having you in their life.
5. They make future plans and stick to them
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If someone makes future plans and shows up just as they say they will, it's a big sign they value you in their life. This starts with plans in the near future, like a coffee date or dinner. Eventually, the future plans may be a weekend away next month. Once they honor those, you can start to trust that they will be around for the real long-haul.
In addition, maybe the two of you talk about the types of jobs you plan to apply for, or vacations you want to take, or even restaurants you want to try. No matter how small the moment, when a person involves you in their plans, it means they care about you.
Someone who looks to the future and imagines you as a part of the life they want to lead is someone who values you in their life and wants you around for a good long time.
6. They trust you enough to ask you for help
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In a similar vein to being emotionally vulnerable, asking for help is also something people tend to avoid, even from the ones they love. That's why it's one of the most telling behaviors that mean someone values you in their life.
Xuan Zhao, a social psychologist from Stanford University, conducted research focused on how asking for help can create meaningful experiences and strengthen relationships. She touched on various reasons why people don't ask for help, saying, "Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior... Others may be concerned about burdening and inconveniencing others."
Zhao notes that while these concerns are "very relatable and very human," they can also be misguided. Most of the time, we want to help others, whether the person in need is a close confidant, an acquaintance, or a complete stranger. Being hesitant to ask for help creates a sense of isolation, whereas making a direct request for support can lead to two people growing closer.
7. They don't compare you to others
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It can be tempting to compare yourself to others, especially when you're going through a tough time. The last thing a person who values you wants to do is add to that burden.
According to a survey condicted by YourTango, 62% of people revealed that today's culture of comparison is harmful. As "Dr. Cortney Warren explains, "It is natural to compare yourself to others, and the consequences of those comparisons can be helpful [and] adaptive or harmful [and] maladaptive."
In a romantic context, comparing a friend or partner to someone else is not only unhelpful, it can be cruel. Even if they never find out, it only sets your friendship or relationship up for unrealistic expectations.
Someone who truly values you won't compare you to their ex or to their friends' partners or that one crush they had in high school. They don't expect you to morph into some imagined ideal of what a partner should be. Rather, they accept you as you are, and know that you'll do the same for them.
8. They are affectionate in ways that mean the most
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The concept of the 5 love languages might not be entirely accurate, but there's value in recognizing that expressing affection cultivates healthy relationships. It's also important to note that everyone shows and receives love in different ways.
When someone knows you, they understand how you want to be loved. They know that flowers make you deliriously happy and that holding hands in the car makes you feel safe.
Showing love isn't limited to romantic relationships. There are many forms of love, after all. We show our friends we love them in so many ways: We text them just to say hi, we laugh at our silly inside jokes, or we let them cry on our shoulders when they're heartbroken.
Affection means something different to everyone. A person who consistently shows love in ways that elevate you is showing you how meaningful you are to them.
9. They truly prioritize your relationship
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Life coach Rick Clemons revealed the one concept that transforms relationships: Purpose.
"Purpose provides a firm foundation for understanding what each person wants to experience in the relationship," he explains. "To master the art of a purposeful relationship, the first step is to define what a meaningful relationship is for you and your partner."
He recommended that couples have an honest conversation about what they wish to prioritize. Being purposeful in relationships means that you and your partner have a unified idea of how you want your lives to look, or at least enough overlap to show that you're compatible.
A partner who really wants to be with you makes their intentions clear, not only with what they say but how they act. A friend who values you will show up because you're a priority. They'll think about how their behavior affects you and apologize when they've caused you harm.
10. They don't try to impress you with falseness or flattery
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Someone who values you in their life doesn't try to trick you into liking them back or try to impress you with canned or overly flowery flattery. They don't need to because they feel a connection, and that is the most important thing to prioritize.
A shiny new relationship or an exciting new friend can be a thrill. But when a relationship is built on solid ground, the comfort and ease you share becomes a beautiful thing.
A friend or partner who is content to sit with you on the couch in their oldest pair of pajamas, watching movies or reading a book or doing nothing at all, isn't trying to impress you, and that's how you know their love is real.
11. They share their dreams with you
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When someone values having you in their life, they'll tell you what they're thinking, how they're feeling, and what they want. Sharing their dreams is a sign they trust you and that they see you being friends or partners for a long time.
As we get older, we tend to turn away from our wildest dreams to focus on the practical parts of life, like finding a job we don't hate and a home we can afford. Yet the sparks of our dreams stay with us, whether we admit them or not.
Giving voice to our buried hopes and wishes can make us feel vulnerable, which is why it means so much when someone shares their dreams with you. Even if they know that they'll never be a world famous artist or a football star, they still let you see into their hearts, and that in itself means the world.
12. They don't expect you to change to please them
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Even with our imperfections, we're still worthy of love, care, and respect. Someone who really wants you in their life is well aware of that fact, and they'll never ask you to change who you are.
Sure, they may try to inspire you to grow or hold you to higher standards. But they'll only do this when it reflects your values and serves you happiness. This is a beautiful choice, and a behavior that speaks volumes about your friend or partner.
They might get frustrated, but they know that you're showing up for them, just as they are for you. They hold you with their whole hearts, which means accepting your messier parts and working through hard times together, and loving you just as you are.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
