9 Relationship Habits Millennials Normalized That Gen-Z Would Just Never Tolerate
Matteo Minoglio | Unsplash Millennials grew up in a fascinating in-between era for relationships. They navigated the shift from "it's complicated" Facebook statuses to situationships, and from "don't kiss and tell" to oversharing everything on social media. This cultural whiplash shaped a generation that, in many ways, normalized relationship dynamics that the generation coming up behind them simply won't accept.
Historically, every relationship has always been a minefield. Even as we’ve evolved from excessive Victorian propriety to casual Tinder matches, there is still a set of rules — and deal-breakers — that are specific to each generation. I asked my Gen-Z peers which of these Millennial relationship habits they would never tolerate, and here are their answers.
Here are 9 relationship habits millennials normalized that Gen-Z would never tolerate:
1. Not being socially informed
The issues important for our society and the resulting crises are an ever-growing list. From catastrophic climate changes to human rights violations, Gen-Z say they will not enter a relationship with an individual who is unaware of society’s problems.
Research found that shared values predicted marital satisfaction, with both shared values and emotional intimacy serving as the strongest predictors of long-term relationship happiness. For Gen-Z, being "woke enough" was really code for finding a partner who cared about the world the same way they did, and whose values wouldn't create constant friction around the issues that mattered most.
2. Smoking cigarettes
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With more than 7,000 chemicals in tobacco smoke, smoking is obviously terrible for you. Unfortunately, it affects more than just the smoker. The U.S. Surgeon General estimates that cohabitating with a smoker increases a nonsmoker’s chances of developing lung cancer by 20-30%. Those stats (and the awful breath!) ensure that fewer Gen-Zers are going in for a goodnight kiss if their crush is lighting up.
3. Political differences
Conservative, liberal, and the moderates in between, many Gen-Z folks say they would not date a person with significantly different political views. The current political climate is sensitive, to say the least, and snuggling up with your political opposite can ensure a divided and contentious house.
According to The Harris Poll, nearly half of millennials (48%) say they've been in a serious relationship with someone who holds different political beliefs, which tells you how this generation was more willing to sit with discomfort than to swipe left over ideology. That flexibility is exactly what Gen-Z has walked away from, with the survey finding they're more likely to treat political misalignment as a values mismatch rather than just a difference of opinion.
4. Significant debt or bad credit
We all have a credit card or student loan debt, but significant debt or bad credit is increasingly becoming a deal-breaker in Gen-Z relationships. Very few are willing to change their relationship status for a person whose finances are in severe disarray.
Couples therapist Dr. Amy Wenzel notes that financial conflicts between couples often stem from "significant differences in spending habits, differences in the degree of tolerance for credit card debt," and in some cases, one partner discovering substantial debt that had never been disclosed before marriage.
5. Being ignored on social media
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Whatever the reason, not showing love on the ‘gram can be a deal-breaker for Gen-Z, since it can mean that they’re trying to hide you. Relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh explains that, "When a relationship is in its fragile dating stage, it's very important to have privacy. Intimacy needs privacy to grow." But there's a difference between keeping things private and keeping a partner invisible, and millennials knew it, because being completely absent from someone's social media life usually meant you were being kept a secret.
6. Still being on dating apps while in a relationship
If your single gal pals are sending you screenshots of your newest beau with an active status while they’re swiping right, big red flag. When you enter an exclusive relationship, both individuals need to delete their dating apps and profiles. Gen-Z will not tolerate it otherwise.
Relationship coach Brad Browning has warned that staying on apps after becoming exclusive is a serious red flag, advising that partners should log off once committed, and notes that research found 40% of people in serious relationships were still active on dating apps. For millennials who were already navigating the murky waters of digital dating, an active Hinge profile on someone who called you their partner wasn't ambiguous; it was a breach.
7. Bad relationship communication habits
There’s a lot that fits under this umbrella. From phone calls (yes, some of us still talk on the phone!) to texts to snaps, we converse in so many ways. You can’t get by with vague emoji or one-word answers, or take days to reply. Eschewing basic etiquette and not replying promptly is a sign of disrespect, which is a big no-no for Gen-Z.
According to marriage and family therapist Susan Saint-Welch, poor communication is one of the most serious relationship deal-breakers there is, explaining that "when communication is unproductive, it is very important to seek professional counseling to learn the skills to resolve the issue and reconnect, because these vital skills are not really taught in school." Millennials may have been the generation that normalized texting as a love language, but leaving someone on read for days while you "figured things out" was never part of the deal for Gen-Z.
8. Excessive screen time
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Speaking of communication, being on your phone while you’re spending time with someone is beyond rude to Gen-Z. This extends to watching TV in the bar while out for dinner and playing video games when you’re supposed to be asking about their day. Focus on your date and not your iPhone.
A Baylor University study found that 70% of people in romantic relationships reported that their partner's phone use "sometimes," "often," "very often," or "all the time" interfered in their interactions, and that partner phubbing created conflict that in turn decreased relationship satisfaction, life satisfaction, and increased depression.
9. Ghosting/breadcrumbing
Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy strings girl along due to boredom or a desire to play the field. Cue Hollywood, we’re casting this film now. Gen-Z are big kids now; they can handle it if someone isn’t into us or wants to keep things casual. What they don’t tolerate is being ghosted or breadcrumbed. It’s a deal-breaker before the relationship even starts. Millennials are a generation that knows what they want (avocado toast?) and don’t want to waste their time on things that don’t serve them.
A University of Castilla-La Mancha study found that experiencing breadcrumbing significantly increased the likelihood of lower life satisfaction, along with greater feelings of loneliness and helplessness. Gen-Z made peace with a lot of gray areas in dating, but stringing someone along with no real intention of committing was where they consistently drew the line.
Laura Herndon is a writer who focuses on dating, love, and relationships.
