People Who Are Highly Sensitive Often Lose Friends Over These 4 Subtle Habits Without Realizing It
Liza Summer | Pexels Have you ever been the highly sensitive person who remembers everyone’s birthday even though most people forget yours? Are you the friend who calls someone frequently to check up on them, but your “friends” don’t check up on you? If you answered yes to any of these, then you, my friend, are the highly sensitive friend. This is how I categorize myself as well. I spend so much time trying to be the “best friend” or “the caring one,” yet when I stop to think, I always get the “what about me?” thought.
Don’t get me wrong; a few friends in my life actually do care, such as my spouse and a few close friends. However, the majority of my friends assume that I should always be there for them, but they don’t have to be there for me. I have to lie through my teeth to make everyone in my life happy. At the same time, they can be as brutally honest with me as they want. I’m almost 100% certain that I set this precedent for myself, but now that I’m in it, how do I escape?
Highly sensitive people often lose friends over these subtle habits without realizing it:
1. You give more than you take
This is a challenging one for sure. When I don’t care about other people, I feel as if I’m doing something wrong, but in reality, this is not true. On the contrary, it is actually worse to encourage a negative attitude towards you.
When you care for others, and they don’t care for you, you give them a green light to mistreat you. If you haven’t checked on someone in a while because they’ve been distant, your friend might be more inclined to check on you and see if you’re okay. And if they don’t, you have the wrong friends (I know I do).
One study supports this, highlighting that reciprocal effort is what determines the closeness level of a friendship. When one person is consistently putting in more than the other, the friendship either becomes unstable or dissolves entirely. In most cases, the person giving more is also the one benefiting less.
2. You try to make everyone else happy
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You may notice a friend who’s having a rough time and try to help them. But they either don’t accept the advice or are never there when you need their help. This seems like such an easy concept.
But for me, it’s hard to comprehend that I shouldn’t help friends who never help me. Does your friend ask you for a favor, but then, when you need help, they refuse to care? If so, this is not a friendship. This is them taking advantage of you.
A real friend will do their best to reciprocate the care you’ve given them because they are grateful for your help. If someone is expecting your help but never helps you, then keep them at a distance. Don’t offer any assistance, and live your best life even if it means being without them.
Those who suppressed their emotions experienced worse social functioning, fewer close relationships, and less social support over time. Researchers have found that suppression disrupts the flow of emotional communication that friendships depend on to actually work.
3. You avoid conflict and confrontation
If you’re having an issue with a friend, the worst thing you can do is to avoid the problem. I am very guilty of this. Since I’m a sensitive person, I tend to hide my real feelings out of fear of losing my friends.
As a result, I develop severe anxiety around them and don’t even want to be near them. In the past, I have been told I was crazy or irrational for speaking my mind, but I’ve eventually realized that it was actually they who were the irrational ones.
Furthermore, it was crazy that they didn’t listen to or help me since I’ve opened up to them. Hence, remember to always speak your truth, and if your friends leave, then they were never meant to be there in the first place.
4. You put on an act
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If you can’t share your secrets with friends without them gossiping about you or judging you, then they don’t belong in your life. If you act silly or have a unique personality and they make fun of you and call you “weird” or “lame,” then find someone who understands your personality.
You cannot allow people to bully you for being who you are. If you’re afraid nobody will accept you for you, remember this: “There are millions of the people in the world who probably feel just as scared to be themselves as you do.”
If you feel uncomfortable, go find friends who make you feel safe and happy. Finally, it’s not about being selfish or mean. However, when you have looked out for others for so long, you tend to lose yourself in the process.
No amount of caring is worth sabotaging your own mental health and well-being. There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, but just don’t let others always take priority. Let’s all stop being afraid to put ourselves first!
Samantha Seastrunk is a writer who focuses on mental health and relationships.
