They Swear They’ve Moved On From Their Ex — But These 6 Behaviors Say They Haven’t
LOOK | Canva If you’ve ever gone on a date with someone who is recently single or still getting over an ex, it’s an experience you’ll never forget. Maybe I’m an idiot, or maybe I think each person will be different than the last, but I’ve had a lot of those, and let me tell you, they are the freaking worst. The signs that the person on the other side of the table is still mentally with someone are the farthest thing from subtle and will be very hard to miss.
Before I go into great detail on how to notice the behaviors that suggest they're not over their ex, let’s get one thing straight: if they are talking about their ex, it means their ex is still on their mind, and they are not over the relationship. Sure, if it’s the odd comment after a few dates or well into a relationship, it’s normal, but on the first date or two, run while you still can.
They swear they’ve moved on from their ex — but these 6 behaviors say they haven’t:
1. The topic of their ex comes up frequently
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No matter what the topic of discussion is, they will always find a way to bring their ex up in the conversation. They could talk about past dates they’ve had with their ex, vacation places they went to together, or even beauty products they learned about because of their ex. It just doesn’t freaking stop.
A 2025 University of Illinois study found that even when people move on to build new lives and new relationships, the emotional attachment to a former partner can linger for years before it begins to noticeably weaken. This goes a long way toward explaining why someone's ex keeps hijacking every conversation.
2. They use your date to complain about their ex
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When your heart is broken, you tend to vent about them or talk about them a lot until you feel better. You also might need to just complain about them from time to time with friends. But not to a person you go on a date with. And if someone does that throughout most of the date, get the heck out and run. They clearly aren’t over their ex and are just using your date as an outing and opportunity to vent about her to try and help themselves feel better.
Research found that rumination is strongly linked to emotional distress and impaired recovery after a breakup. Using a first date as a venting session doesn't release that pain; it just gives it a new audience while keeping the wound wide open.
3. Their social media still makes it seem that they are in a relationship
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Let’s be honest, before we go on a date, we usually already have the person on social media or have stalked them a few times first. Yes, it’s normal after a breakup to hold off on deleting pictures because you just aren’t ready. But if they’re ready to go on a date with you, they should already have started the decluttering process. If every picture still has them in it, or their bio has their initials still, it’s a sign they aren’t over their ex.
Studies by McMaster University social psychologist Dr. Tara Marshall found that seeing an ex on social media increases emotional pain, producing spikes in sadness, jealousy, and breakup distress. If they haven't even started clearing their grid before going on a date with you, that profile is a pretty clear window into where their head still is.
4. They want to know if you’re over your ex
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If you’re going on a date with someone, it should be assumed they are, in fact, over their ex; however, that’s not always the case. Someone who isn’t over their ex will constantly try to hear you say that you are over yours.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren explains that after a bad breakup, it's common to bring insecurities and sadness into a new relationship, where unresolved pain shows up as emotional triggers and a need for reassurance that the new partner won't hurt you the way the old one did.
5. They want to rush into a relationship
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A lot of the time when someone wants to get over someone, they want to find someone new as soon as they possibly can. So if you notice that on the first few days of knowing them they want to rush into another relationship, they clearly just want to be loved or to show their ex they’ve moved on in a stupidly immature way.
Research found that people with anxious attachment styles tend to react to breakups with preoccupation with the ex-partner, heightened emotional distress, and a lost sense of identity. Rushing into a relationship isn't moving on; it's just outsourcing the healing process onto someone who didn't sign up for it.
6. They literally haven’t stopped talking about their ex
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You’ll find yourself at a point in the date where you just want to get up and leave because you feel like you are just a therapist who is trying to get free food just to listen to some guy talk about a girl. You’ll feel like you were even part of their relationship because you’ll get to know her so well. And most of the time you’re together, you’ll sit there thinking, “Just shut up for a second and stop talking."
Honestly, you’ll be able to tell quickly by how they’re handling their date if they are ready to move on to someone new or if they are still hung up on their ex. It’ll be painfully frustrating, but it will always make for a good lesson and a good story to tell your girlfriends the next time you see them. And if you’re already getting that vibe before you even go on the date, then don’t even waste your time by going on it because your intuition is probably right.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
