These 4 Qualities Look Really Impressive On Paper, But They Often Belong To Narcissists
These 'impressive' qualities are often red flags that point straight to a narcissist.

People are easily charmed by a narcissist, especially codependents. Narcissists can be beguiling and charismatic. In fact, one study showed that their likable veneer was only penetrable after seven meetings.
I’ve had several clients who claimed that the courtship with their narcissistic spouse was wonderful and that abuse only began following the wedding. However, with greater insight, these clients admitted that there were signs of a narcissist that they’d overlooked.
These 4 qualities look really impressive on paper, but they often belong to narcissists:
1. Physically attractive
The greater the physical attraction and intensity, the easier it is to ignore red flags. Individuals who can see auras maintain that energy literally obfuscates mental and emotional energy ― why lust is blind.
Studies have found a small but consistent correlation between higher levels of narcissism and increased physical attractiveness. Narcissistic individuals may be more inclined to invest in their physical appearance and strive for a certain physical standard, which can enhance their perceived attractiveness.
2. Highly persuasive and charming
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Narcissists are skilled manipulators. Some can be quite seductive, and not just intimately. They may be adept listeners and communicators or allure you with flattery, self-disclosure, and vulnerability ― just the opposite of what you might expect from a narcissist.
At the core of narcissistic seduction is the desire to acquire 'narcissistic supply,' which is the constant admiration and validation that fuels their fragile ego. Researchers have revealed that narcissists are known for focusing on their own needs rather than their partner's.
3. Accomplished and powerful
Often, narcissists are very accomplished, successful, good-looking, powerful, and/or multi-talented. It’s easy to idealize them and want to share in the benefits of their exceptionalism, especially if you feel inferior.
People with low self-esteem, such as codependents, are more likely to idealize someone they admire. They may be drawn to typical narcissistic traits that they themselves lack, such as power and boldness. The downside is that idealization makes us ignore contrary information.
4. Instantly relatable
If you had a narcissistic parent, being with a narcissist will feel familiar ― like family. This attraction happens beneath consciousness and is often referred to as “chemistry.” With personal therapy, this attraction can change so that you easily spot someone abusive or self-centered. You might even be repelled instead of attracted to a narcissist.
This tendency towards social comparison with perceived inferiors is a characteristic behavior of narcissists. Research also indicates that narcissists use social comparison with perceived inferiors within their social circles, including friends and family, to maintain their inflated self-image.
If you have low self-esteem or are codependent, you may be unaware of your feelings, which can guide you. You may not feel entitled to respect and have your needs and wants met.
Most codependents tend to accommodate and people-please other people ― a perfect fit for a narcissist. This predisposition is stronger in early dating when you’re trying to make a good impression. Thus, you might overlook or rationalize feelings of discomfort and anxiety that signal trouble. If something does bother you, you won’t speak up about it and try to forget it.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Darlene Lancer is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the author of several books on relationships and codependency.