The Curse Of Being Endlessly Ghosted: 8 Things Women Who Get Ghosted After 2 Months Have In Common
Common reasons they suddenly pull away and ghost you.
Mix and Match Studio | Shutterstock When you’re dating someone new, it’s always fun and exciting in the beginning, but when you hit the two-to-three-month mark, many women suddenly experience what seems as though this new guy is showing less interest, pulling away, and possibly even showing signs of ghosting her altogether.
In these situations, it seems as though the dynamics of your still-fresh relationship are suddenly changing overnight, leaving woman after woman wondering what men want and what they are thinking, with no real clue as to how to turn things around and get this guy to fall in love like it seemed he was just about to. When a man suddenly loses interest at this critical stage in romantic relationships, one of a few common scenarios likely occurred.
Eight things women who get ghosted after 2 or 3 months have in common:
1. They choose men who are on different relationship timelines
Understanding relationship timelines is critical when you’re looking for a committed relationship. In the first 1-2 months, men are simply just dating to see if they’re keen to pursue the relationship further. Women, on the other hand, will want to turn dating into a relationship right away, especially if they are attracted to the guy. The 2-3 month mark is when he’s likely to decide whether a relationship has potential.
Women tend to fall quickly at the beginning of a relationship, but this is typically just infatuation. So it’s important to remember that the people we date at the very beginning are the best representation of themselves. You don’t really know what you’re for until month six. Men generally take longer to decide whether they want a relationship with someone, and when you don’t give them enough space to decide, they feel pressured and run.
2. They don’t give him enough space to decide what he wants
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Building on the previous point, most men need time and space to decide what they want. Remember that in months 1-3, he’s still deciding whether this relationship should progress. But if a woman is pushing the ‘what are we’ talk too early or making plans about their future (without him agreeing to it), he’ll feel pressured to make you happy.
If he feels he can’t do that, he’ll run. There are ways to ask for the relationship you want with a guy without chasing him away.
3. They create an environment where he feels he can't tell the truth
Some people just hate confrontation. Some guys will go out of their way to be unavailable and undesirable just so you can initiate the break-up with them. You may never get closure as to why he bailed on the relationship. It could be that he found someone else who was more suited or that the chemistry wasn’t strong enough.
4. They let infatuation die
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Infatuation and attraction are what bring people together, but what keeps people together are emotional connection and shared values. But the reality is that we don’t get to the emotional connection and shared values till a few dates in.
As you get to know people, you may find that you and they are only suited for each other short term. I always encourage the women I coach to take their time to evaluate a match before seeing it exclusively. This prevents them from investing in 3-6 month relationships that fizzle.
5. They step too far into inauthentic masculine energy
In every relationship, there is a balance of masculine and feminine energy, and it can be interchangeable. This means that a guy can hold the feminine while a woman can hold the masculine. Like in dancing, someone must take the lead. In the context of a relationship, when a guy stops leading, the woman may be inclined to pick up the slack and take the lead. Most assume that this is perfectly fine, and it is if a guy wants to be chased rather than the one doing the chasing.
When a woman and a man switch roles in a relationship, it can throw the dynamic of the relationship into unfamiliar territory. Once a woman takes the role of the masculine and initiates everything in a relationship, it’s hard for a guy to take his place, especially if he’s used to leading in a relationship.
I’ve seen many women freak out when they haven’t heard from a guy in a day or two, but that's too soon to be wondering if he’s pulled away. Resist the urge to take on the role of the chaser. There are ways to receive and be chased without playing games and being manipulative.
6. They become invested too early
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Some women (and men) give 100% to a relationship before a relationship really exists. They’ll do all the things a girlfriend or boyfriend would do and then get disappointed when it’s not reciprocated.
To avoid this, I always suggest matching the level of investment the other person has put into the relationship. It takes two to build a relationship. You don’t want to build it alone, only to have no one show up.
7. They create a space where he never feels heard
We often suppress what we really want to say because we’re afraid of being judged. Men often ghost women because the thought of confrontation fills their minds with scenes of you creating drama based on your disappointment, and no guy wants a woman to feel or act that way. They just want to be heard.
If you really want to know why a guy is keeping his distance, you need to let him know that it’s safe to express how he feels from the beginning. Make it known that you will genuinely be fine and accept however he feels about your relationship as it progresses.
8. They don't directly address their feelings
Acknowledge the distance but put the ball into his court by saying something like, “I have so much fun with you but I get the feeling that you may have other priorities right now. Would love to bring the fun back but I’ll leave it up to you to decide what happens next," or you can go with something short and cheeky like, “I miss those weekly dinners at our spot."
Either of these messages should give him enough of a prompt for him to get in touch and explain why he’s been M.I.A. Remember that no one can do the work for two people in a relationship.
Set boundaries around the kinds of behavior you will and will not accept from others. We teach others how we want to be treated through the way we treat ourselves. It’s easy to feel powerless when you feel like the other person is driving the relationship, but you have full control over what you will and will not tolerate.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks in dating, attract the good guys, and communicate from a space of love and clarity.
