If You Can't Say "Yes!" To These 2 Questions, Break Up With Him Now
Are you really in a relationship for the right reasons?
stockfour | Canva Despite what the typical fairytale leads us to believe, not every person in the world belongs together. Plainly put, breakups happen. if they didn’t, we’d all still be dating the first person who gave us "cooties" back in kindergarten. While no one can tell you exactly when to break up with someone, there are ways to know if it's time to end a relationship that is desperately in need of being put out of its misery. Sometimes when you’re in a union, it’s easy to know when it’s over. If the person you’re with directly violates your trust or shows up in your bedroom in the middle of the night to stare at you while you sleep, that's obviously not okay.
Other times, the signs you should break up with your boyfriend aren’t as obvious. In these cases, you might start to wonder if you're not even in love with this person … at least, not anymore. You might wonder if the fights are worth it, leaving you feeling unsure about whether you want to stay or go. And even worse, you might be worried that you'll regret your decision to break up with him the second after you finally go through with it. I've found that there are two specific questions you can ask yourself in order to decide once and for all if you should break up with your boyfriend.
If you can't say "Yes!" to these 2 questions, break up with him now:
1. If you could turn back time to the beginning of this relationship, would you want to stay in it?
In other words, are you staying with your boyfriend because you’re committed to him, or because you’re committed to the time you've already spent with him and that you don’t want to feel you wasted? The power of this question is that it allows you to look at what you truly need in the here and now. Answering this question honestly allows you to reevaluate if you’re staying with someone for the right reasons. Hint: Staying with someone because you’ve invested your time with them is not the right reason. There must be more to your relationship than that.
2. If you woke up tomorrow morning and were single again, would you want to date your present partner?
The purpose of this query allows you to put aside your concerns about the potential hurt and hassle of a breakup — the staying-with-someone-because-you-don’t-want-to break their heart part — and dig deeper into whether or not you truly like, let alone love, the person you’re with. In regard to knowing when you should break up with someone, realizing whether or not you enjoy that person is sort of essential. Asking yourself this question also helps you see the real reasons you may be refusing to end a union.
Are you staying in your relationship because you genuinely enjoy the person you’re with and see a future with them? If so, great! Are you staying in your relationship because you don’t want to be alone or you’re afraid they won’t be able to handle being dumped? If so, not great. Ultimately, knowing when to end a relationship isn’t an exact science.
Sometimes you just know. Other times, there’s a bit of a learning curve and the need for some self-discovery involved. Asking yourself the two questions above, and answering them honestly and with thought, will allow you to gauge whether or not your partnership is worth any kind of a fight on your part, even if it’s merely gentle sparing in the corner of the ring. Getting in touch with your true feelings will provide you with a foundation upon which to continue building and strengthening your relationship — or upon which to end it once and for all.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.