You Can Almost Always Tell Someone Is A Great Mom If They've Stopped Doing These 9 Impossible Things
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva There are lots of things that great moms do. They dry tears. They give advice. They provide educational television. They know their kids’ favorite characters and the plots of their favorite shows. There are also a lot of things that great moms don't have to do to still be great. When a great mom lets go of these impossible expectations, it's usually a sign she's confident, self-aware, and focused on what actually matters. In other words, stopping these 'impossible' things is often exactly what makes her a great mom.
You can almost always tell someone is a good enough Mom if they've stopped doing these impossible things:
1. Wiping every dirty face
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I’m tired of chasing toddlers, pinning them down, and swiping a wet cloth over their faces while I sing a song to try to make it all more fun, or at least keep them from mauling me. No more. They can wipe their own faces. I’m going to hand them a wipe, tell them to do it, and stand over them while they swipe around their mouths. They won’t do a great job. I don’t really care. It’s better than nothing, and I didn’t have to do it myself.
Research shows that preschoolers around age three or four can wash their own faces with minimal supervision. The whole point is building their confidence through practice, even when they do a pretty bad job at first.
2. Preparing gourmet meals
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If my kids want gourmet food, they can learn to cook it themselves or wait for their father to come home (he’s the real cook in the family, anyway). My efforts end up either burnt or uneaten. So lunch will mean PB&J, instant mac and cheese, instant chicken nuggets, instant fried rice, and instant everything else, plus a side of microwaved veggies. And yes, hippies, I know you think microwaves will kill us all, but most moms like me are just tired and trying our best.
3. Folding clothes
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Do you know what takes forever? Folding tiny shirts. Do you know what turns into an instantly messy mound of fabric? A drawer is full of tiny shirts. My kids churn up their drawers like it’s a hobby, and the hours of hard work I put into folding are totally gone. Kaput. Wasted. So from now on, I will sort clothes. I will put clothes in the clothes baskets. They can then sit in front of drawers, and if one of my kids gets a wild hair up his butt to fold, that’s on him.
A study found that when kids regularly help with household chores like sorting and folding laundry, they develop better executive function skills and self-reliance. Throwing their wrinkled shirts in a drawer instead of meticulously folding them isn't lazy parenting but solid child development.
4. Resisting screentime
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I started as the mom whose kid was never going to watch TV, ever. Then I got hyperemesis with my second pregnancy, and my husband put on Yo Gabba Gabba! The floodgates had opened. Baby #3 screams for Scooby-Doo. They all watch things like Wild Kratts, Dino Dan, and The Goonies. I’m not fighting it anymore. If my husband wants to put it on for them, I’m not fighting about it. I’m over the TV battles.
5. Playing board games
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I always tell my husband that they call them “bored” games for a reason. I consider an hour at the DMV comparable to an hour in Candyland, and I'm truly sorry my mother decided they were old enough for Sorry! I know games like this are supposed to teach turn-taking, motor skills, counting, and fair play. I don’t freaking care. They can learn those things somewhere else. The same goes for Memory, Go Fish, and usually Uno, though I can sometimes be conned into that one.
Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that parental perfectionism is one of the strongest predictors of parental burnout. Forcing yourself to do stuff you absolutely hate just because it's supposedly educational is actually setting you up to be a worse parent overall.
6. Sweeping up Legos
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We keep all the Legos in the dining room, where my great-grandmother’s gorgeous cherry dining room table has become a glorified Lego table. There are many, many, many Legos. The baby gets into the Lego room, plays with them for a few minutes, then finds his entertainment in throwing them everywhere. The other kids drop Legos.
They do not pick them up. Then they carry their creations into other rooms, where they break into Lego shards and pepper the ground like land mines. Everyone relies on good ol’ Mom to pick them up. And good ol’ Mom is done. I’m done sweeping up the Legos in the dining room, and I’m done leaning over, scooping up, and putting away all the Legos I find elsewhere. They can pick up their own Legos when they run out of building pieces.
7. Picking up plastic dinosaurs
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The entire Mesozoic era lives in an enormous planter in the playroom. The dinosaurs found each other, knew each other (Biblically), and popped out more plastic dinosaurs. My children love to play with plastic dinosaurs. They line them up. They create elaborate dinosaur scenes. They leave these things on the floor in situ. And then Mama comes and picks them up, so she doesn’t kill herself tripping on them. No more. They can pick up their own dinos, or I’m throwing them and all their dino children in the Great Trash Can in the Kitchen.
A study on childhood development found that kids as young as two can start putting away their own toys. Children who regularly clean up after themselves develop stronger problem-solving skills and independence than kids whose parents do everything for them.
8. Breaking up fights
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With three boys, someone’s always fighting in my house. I don’t mean arguing, either. I mean full-on tickling, rolling on the floor, banshee screaming, kicking type fighting. I always tell them, “If you play like that, someone is going to end up crying.” They ignore me. Somebody ends up crying. And Mama’s supposed to untangle who’s at fault and who’s the innocent party. From now on, everyone’s going into separate rooms until the screaming stops, then they can come out and get cuddles.
So there you have it. I’m done. I love being a mama, and love being a stay-at-home mama even more. But I’m sick of the futile tasks of motherhood. So I’m not doing them. The kids can do it themselves, or it won’t get done. And I’m OK with that.
Alissa Scully is a freelance writer and frequent contributor to YourTango who focuses on dating and relationships.
