7 Things Women Who’ve Seen The Worst Side Of Men Often Do To Protect Their Hearts
They're not always great, but there's always a reason behind them.
Vadim Paripa | Unsplash A cheating husband while I was pregnant? I was bound to become a little wary of relationships. But even though I'm no longer bitter or tormented by my past, I still have some behaviors that manifest themselves when I'm feeling especially low. Whether it's my own insecurities or the battles I faced in previous relationships, it's hard to drop the act you know so well, especially when the goal is to protect your heart.
While I truly believe you can overcome just about any hardship in life, it's really hard to control what someone else does to you. I know, I know — how you react to something is what matters the most, and it says a lot about your character. I've read the motivational posters, OK? But emotional manipulation, infidelity, feeling alienated have a way of making you reconsider every coping mechanism you ever used.
Thinking back, here are seven things I've done in the past in reaction to having seen the worst side of men. Yes, I'm working toward growing past them, but I want to share them so other women in my position don't feel alone. You're not damaged, you're protecting your heart. Fortunately, you won't have to do this forever.
7 things women who’ve seen the worst side of men often do to protect their hearts
1. We will want to look through your phone.
I can't help it. It's a compulsion. I will try really hard not to. In fact, I will talk myself out of it a million times. But I'm insecure, and all I have to go on is a previous relationship where my partner's phone was their lifeline and also included several other women.
I know you're not him. I know you're different. But old habits die hard.
2. We'll overanalyze everything you say.
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Everything. If you tell me you're having a bad day, I will assume it's something I did. If you tell me you're angry, I will panic that I caused it somehow. If you tell me you're fine, I will overanalyze every nuance of that word until we're both exhausted.
3. We have a lot of baggage.
Ugh. So much baggage. And I'm really insecure about it, so if you could just pick up a suitcase or two to help me out, I'd really appreciate it.
4. We apologize for everything.
Even stuff that isn't my fault. I will say "I'm sorry" more times in a day than I can count, and I will recognize it's annoying and ridiculous, but I still can't stop myself. This is what happens when you are in a relationship where literally everything was your fault.
5. We're terrified of being manipulated.
And I refuse to let it happen again. I may say "I'm sorry" even when it's not my fault, but I will realize what I'm doing. I will make a mental note not to let you manipulate my feelings again.
6. We can be defensive.
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The trouble with being damaged is now I'm so paranoid someone's trying to pull one over on me that I'm super defensive. I dare you to ask me why I didn't get any work done today or why I'm so exhausted. I will snap, and I will be defensive and angry, assuming you're calling me out for being a bad mom, person, and woman all in one.
I know this isn't true. But this is how I feel.
7. We recognize we do all of these things, and we work hard to have our own self-worth.
Trust me, I know these weaknesses are mine. I know I have to own them and overcome them one step at a time. I know I need my own self-worth, so I don't panic when you get a text at 3 AM or when you tell me I can trust you.
But the best part about being damaged is there's only one way to go now, and I will bust my behind every day to be a strong, independent woman with her own self-worth. It just might take me a little longer than I'd like.
Samantha Darby Sollenberger is a writer who covers Family, Self, and Heartbreak topics.
