If A Couple Has Quietly Lost Their Spark, They'll Usually Do These 5 Things First
Early habits can signal that passion and excitement are starting to fade.
stock-eye | Canva There is the misconception that to be romantically involved with someone means you must give them your all, or they can have nothing. The reality is that life doesn’t work that way, and sometimes emotions ebb and flow. Whenever two people get into a relationship and then no longer feel it, they feel like there is no going back. In a way, they’re right.
They will never know each other as sole friends because friends don’t usually take off each other's clothes and share the most intimate details of their lives. However, if you’ve been in a long-term relationship before, you understand that just because you stop having romantic feelings for someone doesn’t mean you stop caring about them altogether.
If a couple has quietly lost their spark, they'll usually do these things first:
1. They rarely touch each other
It’s normal for intimacy to ebb and flow when you’re in a relationship. Variety is the spice of life, and if you’re only seeing each other, chances are, eventually it’s going to feel a little stale.
However, if it’s been weeks since you last touched each other in that kind of way, chances are you’re probably more likely to high-five than make out, and maybe you should explore that instead.
2. They don’t make an effort to spend time with each other
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If you can’t imagine spending another night on the couch with just the two of you and you’re constantly seeking out friends to hang out with so you don’t have to be alone with your partner, take it as a sign that maybe you both need some space.
Would you be better off as just friends? Sounds like it. Research suggests that actively nurturing a relationship through shared experiences and quality time is crucial for maintaining intimacy and connection. When couples stop prioritizing time together and making an effort to connect, it can signal a decline in the relationship's vibrancy.
3. They’ve become bored with the predictability of their relationship
If you can predict everything your significant other will say, do, or even think before they even know, it’s because you two have moved past romance and have melded souls. As beautiful as this may sound, as young as we are, we’re not fully formed people yet, and we need the opportunity to grow on our own.
When we’re in a relationship, we fear taking that space to grow as an individual, but when you’re just friends with someone, you have free rein to do just that. It is common for the initial intensity and passion of a relationship to wane over time as predictability and routine set in.
Research by the University of Michigan explained that while comfort and stability are positive aspects of a long-term relationship, excessive predictability and a lack of novelty can lead to relationship boredom, which can be interpreted as a sign of a diminished spark.
4. They've fallen into a dull routine
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If your relationship has become more about paying bills and who is going to go grocery shopping and do the dishes and take out the dog, the truth is you two are staying with each other because it’s easy and comfortable.
The pillar of any strong relationship is the ability to grow together and experience the world in different and exciting ways. If you’re getting more ticked off at your S.O. for not taking out the trash than you are happy that you two get to try a new brunch spot together this weekend, it’s time to tap out.
According to a 2021 study, as relationships mature, this often transitions into companionate love, which is deeper, affectionate, and focused on intimacy and commitment. While this is a normal and healthy progression, if the focus shifts too heavily towards practical aspects, it can be perceived as a loss of the initial passion or spark.
5. They fantasize about other people
If you don’t fantasize about other people while you’re in a relationship (yes, even the happy ones!), then I’m deeply concerned about the way you express your intimate nature.
However, having said that, if you constantly need to think about being intimate with someone who isn’t your significant other, it’s a clear indicator that you want to be with someone else… so why are you wasting your time? Acknowledge your relationship for what it is — simply platonic — and move on.
Shawn Binder is a copywriter, director, and producer. His work has been featured in Vice, Paper Magazine, Out, The Huffington Post, The Dieline, and more.
