Only Happy Couples Can Talk About This One Thing Without It Ruining Their Relationship, According To Research
It's definitely not a conversation for a first date...
Lucky Business | Shutterstock Couples do a lot of weird things: dressing alike, having inside jokes, and even letting their natural body functions fly when they are comfortable enough. These things might seem strange to someone outside the relationship, but they are actually pretty normal and healthy.
It shows two people who truly feel safe with each other. Intimacy isn't just about what happens in the bedroom; sometimes it's about what happens in the bathroom too. We're all human, and no matter how you may try to get around it, we all poop.
Research has found that only happy couples can talk about bathroom habits without ruining their relationship.
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Suddenly, being full of hot air has taken on a whole new meaning. But seriously, gas and going to the bathroom are real parts of life, even if romcoms try and erase them from the fairytale version of love. The fact is, the first time you go number 2 at your boyfriend's apartment and the first time you toot in front of each other are major milestones, they just aren't spoken about that often.
In fact, they are such major milestones that a study from 2005 found that couples who are comfortable talking about these less-than-glamorous bodily functions are actually happier than couples who pretend they don't go to the bathroom at all. Unsurprisingly, the study found that heterosexual women and non-heterosexual men struggle the most with getting comfortable with bathroom behavior and their partner. They are basically worried that they will be perceived negatively if they embrace the reality that these functions happen.
What's interesting, however, is that the couples who simply let go of their insecurities about their bodily functions are the happiest and have the healthiest relationships. And it makes sense. When the thing you dread doing most in front of a love partner becomes no big deal, you're suddenly in "I love you no matter what" territory. That's a really good place to be.
If you've been with your partner for a while and haven't gotten comfortable with bathroom talk, you should.
In an article on Thrillist, writer Jeremy Glass strongly suggested that all couples have a number two conversation. He wrote, "Look, every relationship is bound to have its awkward moments, but feeling uncomfortable and discouraged every time you walk out of the bathroom is a feeling that will ruin your relationship and make the inevitable walk toward the toilet as painful and jarring as your stomach directly before you go number two. The poop conversation breaks down walls and secures a level of intimacy few people get to experience."
You may be wondering what the conversation is and how specific you have to get. Generally, the poop scoop is an open and very honest chat between two people in a relationship about each other's bathroom routine, including what your loved one should expect (always open the window afterward), what to avoid (said bathroom directly after), and whatever you need to discuss to obliterate any weirdness.
When you're talking, you're not required to get into specifics, unless you and your partner have already established that there are no taboos regarding your relationship. Also, if there are significant changes in your health regarding the color, frequency with which you go, and shape, those could be warning signs that something is wrong, and that's a conversation you should definitely not avoid.
Whether you live together or not, you will eventually have to go to the bathroom, and your partner will be aware.
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Let's not forget that no matter how diligent you might be — like getting up way before your bae to get your morning constitution out of the way or only using the bathroom at work — there's going to come a time that you will need to go when your partner is fully awake and aware. And guess what ... chances are you've already tooted in your sleep, and he absolutely heard it.
And even if you use gallons of Poo-Pourri or light an entire matchbook, people know you go, so why not talk about it honestly and maybe have a few laughs? Might as well rip the band-aid off and get the awkward stuff over with.
Having the poop talk is a necessity, as Glass said, "The poop conversation is a highly important catalyst that opens up a whole new world to one another and catapults couples to a place of utter security, trust, and intimacy that most people only have with their best friends or siblings."
So go ahead and embrace that grade school bathroom humor — you'll be happy, and your relationship will be the better for it.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and astrology lover. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, and Woman's Day.
