Complaining Too Much Doesn’t Just Annoy People — It Can Literally Rewire Your Brain For Misery, Says Research
Science shows that constant complaining doesn't just spread negativity, it actually changes your brain's wiring.
Nikolay Hristov | Unsplash Who doesn't love a good complaining session now and then? Sometimes it just feels good to complain and let your frustration out about something annoying or causing you grief. For some tweens and teens, complaining is their primary language.
When I was a teenager, I was in the speech club, and if there had been a complaining event along with dramatic interpretation and debate, I'd have a cabinet full of trophies. I loved to complain, and admittedly, there are times when, as an adult, I need to vent.
Can anything as therapeutic as complaining be harmful to your health? The answer is yes, because science has found that complaining isn't only bad for you — it can shorten your life.
In an article on Curious Apes, author and student of human nature, Steven Parton, claims that complaining and surrounding yourself with complainers not only changes your brain in negative ways, but it also has a very serious effect on your mental and physical health. Here are the four ways he believes that complaining affects you.
Here's how complaining too much can literally rewire your brain for misery, says research:
1. You trick your brain into thinking negatively
"Synapses that fire together wire together," Parton says that this is the first phrase he heard when he was a neuroscience student, and it is still something he uses to help him make the big decisions of his life.
"Throughout your brain, there is a collection of synapses separated by space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you're thinking about."
Every time this electrical charge is prompted, the synapses grow closer together and lessen the distance the electrical charge has to cross. The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically altering itself to make it easier and more likely that the right synapses will share the chemical link and spark together.
If you keep thinking negative thoughts, your brain will work to make it even easier for you to have those kinds of thoughts in the future, and negative thoughts will become your brain's go-to.
2. You manifest your negative thoughts into reality
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"Through repetition of thought, you've brought the pair of synapses that represent your [negative] proclivities closer and closer together, and when the moment arises for you to form a thought ... the thought that wins is the one that has less distance to travel, the one that will create a bridge between synapses fastest," says Parton. If everything is in place for negative thoughts, it's just so much easier to go in that direction.
This is the tendency to seek out and favor information that confirms your existing beliefs while ignoring contradictory evidence, one study found. When you are around a chronic complainer, your brain is likely to start adopting a similar negative mindset.
3. You mirror the thinking of those around you
"When we see someone experiencing an emotion (be it anger, sadness, happiness), our brain tries out that same emotion to imagine what the other person is going through. And it does this by attempting to fire the same synapses in your own brain so that you can attempt to relate to the emotion you're observing," Parton explains. "This is basically empathy."
When we complain or our friends complain around us, it turns into a negativity spiral, making everyone that much more negative. Parton believes that if you surround yourself with friends who love to complain, you'll be continually trying out this attitude by firing the synapses in your brain and negatively reshaping them.
You can still be there for someone who's going through a hard time and needs an ear, just not someone who's in a constant state of complaint. Constantly rehashing issues can lead to emotional exhaustion and overwhelm for both people involved. One study found that listening to complaints made people feel worse afterward, not better.
4. You're harming yourself with all the stress that negativity causes
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Parton believes that curtailing the complaining habit is as crucial to your physical health as it is to your mental health. "When your brain is firing off these synapses of anger, you're weakening your immune system; you're raising your blood pressure, increasing your risk of heart disease, obesity, and diabetes, and a plethora of other negative ailments," he says.
And the stress hormone, cortisol, is one of the main factors in the damaging effects of stress. When you're complaining, negative, and bitter, you release elevated levels of cortisol.
Studies have shown that long-term exposure to stress hormones from frequent complaining can physically shrink the hippocampus. This will eventually impair your ability to form new memories, learn, and regulate emotions.
Parton says, "A failed relationship or a bad day doesn't have to be a pinion to your wings; it can be an updraft that showcases to you what things you like and don't like; it can show the red flags so you can avoid them. If you're mindful of the lessons of the failures, there's no reason you can't make the default of every day better than the one before it." Don't dwell on the negative — strive toward the positive and make that the easiest place for your thoughts to go.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and frequent contributor to YourTango. She's had articles featured in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Huffington Post, Business Insider, and Woman's Day, among many others.
