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Woman Whose Child Was Adopted 11 Years Ago Faces Backlash For Posting A Video To Try & Find Her On Her Birthday

Three screenshots from abbyfred's Tik Tok, showing her speaking to the camera, and decorating her cake.

A TikTok user's heartbreaking way of honor her child's birthday received an unexpectedly harsh response after her video documenting the day went viral.

Abby Fred (@abbyfred) posted a heartfelt video explaining her story as a mom whose daughter was adopted and then cut off from her.

Abby explains that when she was 18 years old she gave her daughter, Ellie, up for an open adoption where she would be allowed to visit and connect with her child.

Unfortunately, a few weeks after taking the child in, the adoptive family closed the adoption on the birth parents, restricting their ability to contact the child at all. 

RELATED: Adopted Daughter Makes Birthday Wish To Stay With Her Family & People Are Criticizing Her Mom's Response

The TikToker bakes a cake on her adopted daughter's birthday every year. 

“It’s been 11 very hard years,” Abby says, “but every year, I bake her a cake to celebrate her life.” 

“Someday I hope she comes across this so that she knows how much I love her, and how I can’t wait to meet her again in the future.”



RELATED: 13 Things I Wish My Adopted Parents Had Told Me (That Would've Changed My Life)

Abby then shows her process of baking and decorating a two-tiered cake for Ellie. Other members of Abby’s family enter the video to help with icing and decorating, and then eventually, eating the cake.

“We had lots of help from my siblings to actually make your cake,” Abby says with a smile. “I’m super grateful for my family — your family — to be here to support and love me through some of the tougher days.”

She finishes the video by asking Tik Tok to spread the word in hopes that her daughter will come across it, so she will know that she is still loved by her birth mother.

“I can’t wait to meet you soon. Happy birthday.”

At first, the response to her video was overwhelmingly supportive, with other adoptive parents and adoptees sharing their stories and encouraging her to keep seeking out her daughter and never giving up hope.

One commenter wrote: “As a closed adoption adoptee, I am so sorry. If I had known my mom thought of me throughout my life or did this, it would have brought a ton of peace.”

Other adoptees shared their experiences in reconnecting with their biological parents and wished for a similar reunion to happen to Abby and her daughter.

One parent commented: “I have three adopted children and their bios are my family now, I don’t know why anyone would do that! I’m so sorry.”

Other adoptive parents agreed, saying that keeping their children’s biological parents in their life has allowed for more love and joy for everyone all around.

RELATED: Woman Shares The 'Sweetest' Thing Her Adopted Mom Did To Keep Her Birth Mom Involved In Her Life

Commenters later turned on the birth mom in a follow-up video.

After receiving so much support, Abby returned to TikTok to respond to one particular comment that resonated with her.

The comment, which appears to be from someone who was adopted, reads: “I always wondered if there were secret birthday cards and every birthday I wondered if I was still thought about. She will know.”

Abby thanks everyone for the feedback she’s received and uses the comment to explain her mission a bit more.



“That’s the sole purpose of me documenting some of these things a little bit more publicly,” Abby explains that her main purpose isn’t for her daughter to reach out to her, but for Ellie to know that she was loved, and thought about. 

“I just want her to know how loved she is. That’s it. That’s all I want.” 

RELATED: Video Shows Daughter's Reaction To Learning Mom Was Adopted Because Her Own Mother 'Didn't Want Her'

It’s in the comments of this video that the backlash comes to light.

Abby's mission of finding her daughter soon caused other TikTok users to request more specific information about the young girl such as photos, current location, school, and more.

“I don’t think you thought this through,” a commenter posted. “People are reaching out to her family friends and that is horrifying. I’m sorry this happened, but this is hurting her. I guarantee people are reaching out to her and the kids at her school.”

Abby replied, saying that other adoptees had encouraged her, and asked if the commenter specifically knew who was reaching out. The commenter holds their ground.

“Abby I get your pain, but you now have Tik Tok vigilantes/strangers you don’t trust tracking Ellie down. This is not the way. You shared her full name, state, town, and school. As a birth mom, you have to understand that you have put her and her mental health in jeopardy.”

Abby has yet to reply to the comments, but the message is clear. Posting the private information of her child has made it easier for strangers with various intentions to track down her child.

Although her message came from the heart, and hundreds of people are supporting her for it, there are others who are asking her to be more careful with Ellie’s identifying information to make sure her child remains safe.

RELATED: Mom's Family Was ‘Adopted’ At School — Says She'd 'Never Do It Again' After Her Kid Got Better Gifts Than Her

Hawthorn Martin is a news and entertainment writer living in Texas. They focus on social justice, pop culture, and human interest stories.