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Following girl code or overstepping boundaries?
By Sydney Taylor
Last updated on Nov 20, 2023
When moving on from a relationship, some people are able to forge friendships with an ex's new partner while others do whatever they can to stay far away. One woman, however, found herself in the middle of her ex-husband's new relationship and now wonders if she handled it the right way.
The woman's ex-husband's new girlfriend reached out to ask about their marriage.
“I was married for 3 years. We divorced 2.5 years ago. The marriage was bad. I was stupid. I ignored a lot of warning signs because I was naïve," the woman wrote in a Reddit post that has since been archived.
She explained how her ex was a widower when they met and would talk about his wife all the time saying that no one would ever compare to her, keeping pictures of her everywhere. She claimed that no one in the family ever treated her with respect, and one day, her husband even revealed he never had feelings for her.
“It all unraveled when I became pregnant and he revealed to me he never loved or had wanted to be with me let alone marry me. And he didn't want our baby," she wrote, adding that her ex-husbands kids from the first marriage vowed that her "son would never be part of the family, and they were right."
She is unsure how her name was mentioned recently but the ex’s new girlfriend reached out to her and asked why he wasn’t involved in the child's life.
The woman was honest with her ex's new girlfriend about what caused their divorce.
“She confessed to me that his kids would taunt her, even the one who was in college, that they made her know she would never be accepted or wanted and he was pressured to be with her” the post reads.
Soon after, the ex’s family found out and messaged her on Facebook to say it was not her place to disclose anything and that she had ruined the relationship since the girlfriend had left him. She ended the post by asking, “Are they right? Am I in the wrong here?”
Expert insight suggests the woman did the right thing.
Most of the comments were in the woman's favor, noting that in the end, she may have "saved" the ex's new partner from a similar bad relationship and broken heart.
"The new gf had a reason to gather info, did that, and saved herself," one person wrote. "Op was kind enough to be honest, yes, and I'm glad she was. Thank you, op."
Anita Chlipala, relationship expert and licensed marriage and family therapist, told Elite Daily that in cases like this, context is key when it comes to deciding whether or not to respond to an ex's new partner. Chlipala explains that if the relationship overall went well, there's no real need for a response. However, in cases such as this, Chlipala says the woman's "honest reponse" is exactly the way to go.
“Texting them back may give them some relief or confirmation of their own beliefs,” Chlipala said.
While the family blamed her for the new couple's breakup, ultimately, it's not her responsibility, which the woman noted in an empathetic response to a comment discussing the family. She believes the family never processed the grief of losing the wife.
“Instead they let it turn them angry. And I think my ex just doesn't speak up enough so he keeps hurting people, she wrote. "He dates/marries but never feels a thing for us and doesn't feel a thing for the child he helped create. Because to him the only valid children are the ones he made with his wife.”
Hopefully, the ex-husband will soon realize how his actions deeply hurt several women.
Sydney Taylor is a writer who focuses on News and Entertainment topics.