Photo: TikTok
She found it upsetting that she was having a boy.
By Kurtis Condra — Written on Jun 25, 2022
Gender reveal parties have sparked a bit of controversy over the years, but those who still partake in them — or at least learn the gender of their child early — reveal a very real symptom that can occur.
When people are ready to have kids, some dream that the day their gender is revealed and they can start planning their life with their baby boy or girl.
But hoping for one gender can sometimes end up causing some complicated feelings when you learn you are expecting a baby of the opposite sex.
And while you may be happy on the outside, you may feel a deep disappointment on the inside.
A TikToker showed her reaction when she discovered she was not having a baby girl at her gender reveal party.
TikToker @nicoleshamlin shared a video of her gender reveal party.
The color of the reveal was blue, confirming that she was having a baby boy, but she revealed that later on that night she was grieving that she was having another son and not the baby girl she wanted.
There is a growing trend on Tiktok under the hashtag "#genderdissapointment" where mothers show what their family members saw during the reveal but a "behind the scenes" of what they actually felt afterward.
Sentiment has been positive for Nicole but one person said that she should worry instead about the health of the baby and not the sex.
Nicole responded in a second video saying she does care for the health of her child, but it doesn't mean that she can't be sad at not getting what she wanted.
It's her right to feel disappointed because she wanted a girl but she's getting a baby boy.
It doesn't mean that she won't love him all the same, just that it isn't what she wanted.
What is gender disappointment?
Gender disappointment is a feeling of sadness when a parent's strong desire for a particular biological sex is not met.
While many mothers and fathers will not admit to feeling it, it's a valid reaction, and a very common one too.
There are be many reasons for feeling disappointed such as cultural factors or what children you have already
It can feel as though you are letting down the ones closest to you when they find out your child is a different sex from what they were expecting.
You can also have this fear that raising the opposite sex that you will have nothing in common or you can't relate to them.
What can you do if you feel gender disappointment?
It is important to address the feeling of being disappointed.
You may feel like it's a secret that you need to keep, but that can lead to something more severe if you let it persist.
Allowing yourself to work through the feeling of disappointment is a normal thing — you're going to feel devastated, but it's going to be ok.
Finding someone you can trust to talk to get an unbiased opinion can help you cope with what you are feeling.
So it's ok if you feel disappointed that you didn't get the gender you wanted, it's normal to feel sad!
It will heal over time and later down the road you will see that while you were disappointed at first, you are now happy you are raising your little ray of sunshine.
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Kurtis Condra is a writer for YourTango, based in San Francisco, California. His expertise includes pop-culture deep dives, human interest stories, and news. When not writing for YourTango, he focuses on his poetry. You can follow his poetic journey on Instagram.