Photo: Oleg Elkov / Shutterstock.com
Is this normal?
By Isaac Serna-Diez — Written on Dec 26, 2021
A 22-year-old woman on Reddit posted in the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest, where people go simply to get something off their chest, about her experience with hiring a male sex worker.
She had been cheated on 8 months prior to her experience and admitted that she was struggling with having social interactions since then, so she wanted to hire a male sex worker — but not to have sex.
She hired a male sex worker to cuddle her and give her words of affirmation.
“I'm introverted, I had one boyfriend who cheated on me 8 months ago and since then found it incredibly difficult to socialize. Not that many people made an effort,” she opened the post.
She talked about how she’s simple and average — she doesn’t have social media, doesn’t have a lot of friends, and even included a bit that mentions how she has insecurities about herself.
“I felt really lonely,” she continued, “so I knew of a guy who works with me who told me his friend is doing sex work. I found him on Facebook and he told me how much he charged. Also asked me a bunch of questions about my sexual health.”
She had never planned on sleeping with the man but said that she didn’t want him to think she was weird or anything by saying that she didn’t want to sleep with him.
“Anyway we met at a hotel, I told him I didn't want to have sex I just wanted to be held and given words of affirmation and care. He agreed and I paid him,” she said.
To begin, she gave him flashcards, with things like “I’m proud of you, you're doing so well, you're strong, did you eat, are you okay, I know you can do it, etc, etc.” all written on them.
When the time was up, she said that she felt so ashamed that she bolted out and needed to tell someone her story, which is why she posted about it on Reddit, but many people actually disagreed with her opinion of herself.
“Here in California this actually exists, they’re called Professional Cuddlers,” explained the top comment on the post. “Don’t feel bad at all! This time of the year is cold, gray, and lonely for a lot of folks. There is nothing wrong with utilizing these services after a traumatic breakup.”
There seemed to be a resounding agreement that none of this is shameful, and people explained that everyone has these kinds of needs that should be met.
“There's nothing to be ashamed of here and my heart goes out to you for not having these basic needs met on the regular, for having to pay for it in the first place,” said a comment that received the “Starry Award” on Reddit.
“You're valid and your feelings are important,” they continued, “you deserve to be supported, encouraged and affirmed and making that happen for yourself isn't bad even if it is somewhat desperate.”
“Since childhood, we are conditioned to seek the approval and love of our parents and others,” explains intuitive healer and hypnotherapist, Kristine Ovsepian.
“In many cases, if we have had obstacles with a parent, we spend most of our lives seeking the approval, love, and attention of people of that parent’s sex — if the mother, from the feminine, and if the father, from the masculine.”
Ovsepian has an M.A. in Psychology, is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Life Coach.
“We crave being loved, accepted, and rewarded because we have been taught that everything we want or need is outside of ourselves,” she continues, “and often we forget that it all begins from within, through self-love. So we keep searching for it from others.”
The Reddit poster said that she felt lonely and had insecurities about herself as a result of being cheated on, which is why she hired the male sex worker to begin with.
“People need intimacy and words of affirmation. You start off with finding it externally to feel it internally,” says YourTango expert , Spiritual Life Coach and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist.
“To feel good about ourselves we need to feel cared for,” she continues. “Self-worth stems from external validation and when you have enough memories built on that your confidence develops.”
When she lost all her confidence after the breakup, she needed something to build her back up and get her out of the hole she was in.
After she received the overwhelming support, she expressed her many thanks to the people of Reddit and admitted that she felt less ashamed of herself.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Follow him on Twitter here.