Photo: Rafael Henrique & Wagner Camarini & Pixabay / Pexels
Her decision led her to a future she'd never imagined possible.
By Alexandra Blogier — Written on Jun 08, 2023
A woman wrote into the Reddit subreddit r/AmITheA–hole wondering if she was wrong for not telling the man she’d been dating for a month a deeply personal piece of information.
Prior to the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, she made the decision to be a single mother by choice. What she didn’t foresee was that she’d start dating someone after the pandemic hit.
“I was happy with my decision, and I was at a good place in life where I realized my desire to be a mother was stronger than looking for a partner, which may or may not happen,” she explained. But the clinic she’d planned to use shut down during Covid.
Photo: Andrey_Popov / Shutterstock
“For a few days I was devastated as I was so mentally prepared for this, and then I picked myself up and decided to park my plan- after all I didn't have a choice,” she stated. “I downloaded a dating app out of curiosity and figured that I could still chat to guys and see what happened, without any expectation really.”
The woman hadn’t told the man she started dating that she’d planned to be a single mom, so she decided she’d break the big news.
She ended up meeting a man she called “G” on a dating app, explaining that “for the first time in years, quite frankly, I feel emotionally connected with a man, and it feels completely natural and promising.”
Yet at the same time, the clinic reopened, and she was confronted with the question of whether she wanted to go ahead with her treatment. “I want to be a mother more than ever, so I said yes,” she says, explaining she immediately made an appointment.
“I have a conflict in my mind about informing G of my plan,” she stated. “On the one hand, it's at such an early stage of our romance without yet being anything committed that I feel like I'm bringing something up prematurely. On the other hand, I wonder what may happen as time goes on— am I just delaying the inevitable?”
Photo: Văn Thắng / Pexels
She asked Reddit, “Is it deceptive of me not to inform him of something so fundamental in my life?” The answers she received changed her life.
People on Reddit told her unequivocally that it was wrong not to tell the man she was dating about her plan to be a single mom.
“You said you have wanted to be a mother more than anything,” commented one person. “He needs to know that. If you don’t tell him you’re not doing right by him and you’re not being true to yourself.”
“It's absolutely appropriate— even vital— at this point for you to tell this guy that you are pursuing insemination… Would you still want to be with this guy if he decided something so deeply important to you was a deal-breaker for him?”
The woman included an update in a follow-up post, thanking everyone on Reddit for their perspective, and for calling her out as an a–hole.
“I wanted to provide this update as a positive outcome has come out of being labeled an a–hole and it pushed me to do the right thing,” she wrote. “We're now in a committed relationship and he's been supporting me in my journey.”
Photo: Jonathon Borba / Pexels
“As early on as it may seem, he told me my honesty made him consider his own future and how he really wants a family someday, and how he has admiration for me being honest about my situation and how he wants to help my fulfill my desires to be a mother, whether with him or with donor sperm — either way, he wants to be a part of my life.”
She stated that she understood the gravity of hiding the truth from him. She said, “Had I kept this info from him it would have played on my conscience, as well as most likely have caused him to not trust me.”
Her willingness to confront a difficult topic and be open about her life’s goals created trust between her and her boyfriend, and she thanked the Reddit community for guiding her to that decision.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.