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Mom Reviews Armored SUV With Gas Masks & Electrocuting Door Handles — Parents' Safety Obsessions May Be Going Too Far

Photo: @mobile_mama / TikTok
Screenshots of TikToker "@mobile_mama's" review of the Rezvani Vengeance

We live in crazy times, and they seem to be growing ever crazier, so it's hard to argue with any parent's concern — or maybe obsession — with safety.

But sometimes you have to wonder if some of us are taking the whole security thing a bit too far — like when a mom influencer reviews the "momable features" of a militarized tank-like SUV obviously designed for street warfare.

TikToker "@mobile_mama" is a car enthusiast who reviews new autos with moms' needs in mind.

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And her latest review is... really something.

She takes a look at the new Rezvani Vengeance, a car that looks like an ordinary luxury SUV on the inside but a futuristic military tank from a dystopian future on the outside.

Sure, it makes loading in a car seat a breeze, but it's also designed to withstand bullets, attacks from marauding pedestrians, and literal, actual bombs.

Mobile Mama's review shows off the 'momable features' of the Rezvani Vengeance.

Mobile Mama's reviews typically focus on car features that are super useful to moms, like temperature-controlled cup holders and spacious trunks that make loading up a stroller a breeze.

But the Rezvani Vengeance is not your typical SUV — it's clearly designed less for school pick-up and more for a kill-or-be-killed dystopian hellscape. Maybe a zombie apocalypse.

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"I'm body-armored, and so is this vehicle!" mobile_mama begins, while wearing... well, full body armor like a soldier on the battlefield.

She then details how the Vengeance is fully armored and bullet-proof, comes mounted with enormous military-grade run-flat tires, and is equipped with a bomb-proof undercarriage.

You know, for all those car bombs you contend with while wrangling the kids?

Who among us hasn't watched their SUV blow up while wheeling the kids' stroller through a parking lot and thought, "If only my Honda Pilot were bomb-proof!"

But that's only scratching the surface of the Vengeance's insane features.

Think you're about to be car-jacked in the cul-de-sac? That's what the mounted pepper spray canon and electrocuting door handles are for!

Can't find your kids at school pick-up after the purge breaks out? Just use the strobe lights and intercom to cut through the crowd! 

And if it seems like someone nefarious is following you, just create a literal smoke screen at the push of a button on the dashboard.

"Vengeance is yours," as the Rezvani company website touts, for just $285,000 — to start, that is.

The "available bulletproof package" will cost you extra!

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People on social media could not believe the Rezvani Vengeance is real.

Many people pointed out that a car like the Rezvani Vengeance is fundamentally unsafe for nearly everyone besides the people riding in it.

One person on Twitter wrote that a car like the Vengeance has "absolutely no place on streets and should be banned, full stop" before pointing out how easily the car's functions could fall into the wrong hands.

Another tweeter put a comedic take on the myriad ways owning this car could go wrong that nonetheless underlined the overkill of a car like the Vengeance.

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And many people were downright disturbed by the dystopian worldview that the Vengeance represents.

As one TikToker sarcastically put it, "I'm so very glad we're designing our cars for the anxieties of the ultra-wealthy in a dystopic future." 

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He imagined the Vengeance to be designed for scenarios in which hordes of starving proletarians swarm a vehicle begging for food — only to be pepper sprayed and electrocuted.

That's probably more something out of a summer blockbuster apocalypse movie than a likely real-life scenario, of course — at least, let's hope so!

But one thing is for sure: a militarized SUV assault video for post-apocalyptic school drop-off? Only in America.



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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.