Mom Questions Why She Has To Celebrate Her Kids' Grandmas On Mother's Day— 'Pass The Torch'
This mom, like many moms, just wants a day to herself.
TikTok A mom posed the question of who and how to celebrate on Mother’s Day, as a married parent with her own parent, and in-laws, that also want recognition for raising children on the one day designated to celebrate motherhood.
The mom, whose name is Bailey, questioned why she has to celebrate her own mom and her kid’s grandmas on Mother’s Day.
“Mother’s Day as an adult is weird,” Bailey claimed. “Am I expected to celebrate it with my mother-in-law? Am I expected to celebrate it with my own mother, because my own mother certainly thinks so. But I am also a mother. So when do I, as a mother, who now lives near her mother, when do I celebrate myself?”
The point she raises has value— if US society generally overlooks the labor moms do most days of the year, when do moms get to have a break from the hard, undervalued work of raising children? Yet the other side of the issue at hand is the extreme way older women are undervalued in the US, from the way their physical appearances are criticized, to a general lack of visibility and diminished cultural currency that plagues women as we grow older.
There’s no simple answer, except for valuing women at every age, in every iteration, regardless of whether we choose to parent or not. Mothers—and all women—should be supported year-round by their partners and by the larger social structures that make up our worlds.
Bailey questioned why she wasn’t able to solely celebrate herself as a mom on Mother’s Day.
One person left a suggestion in the comments that her family could celebrate Mother’s Day together, which Bailey responded to by making another post.
“The thing is… my alone time/mommy breaks, I don’t like to spend with other people,” Bailey explained. “I definitely don’t like to sit in other people’s houses and watch my kid.”
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“I don’t wanna be with my kid on Mother’s Day,” she whispered, as though she was telling a secret. It’s not uncommon for moms to feel the heavy weight of “mom guilt” just for wanting time to themselves, yet in order to nurture others, people need to also nurture themselves. It’s not selfish to want a break from parenting or to want some level of autonomy while caring for others every day.
Bailey explained her ideal Mother’s Day celebration. “I don’t wanna go to someone’s house and be a mother,” she explained. “I want to go out and get my toes done, someone scrub my feet, I get so tickly I almost kick them in the face. I wanna drink something bubbly, even a Shirley Temple, bottomless Shirley Temples… some food, maybe some shopping, that’s my idea of Mother’s Day. By myself, whoever wants to tag along… yeah, I mean, I guess my mom could tag along for that, but that's all I’m settling for.”
“I will not be mothering on Mother’s Day,” she concluded.
Bailey’s desire for one day when she doesn’t have to mother or put anyone else’s needs before her own proves that there’s a bigger issue at play. It shows a deficit in institutional support for families and an overarching societal attitude that punishes moms for requiring time away from their role as a parent.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. As a former postpartum doula, she covers parenting issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.