Photo: Yan Krukau on Pexels
She spent months buying Christmas presents and got nothing in return.
By John Sundholm — Last updated on Oct 15, 2023
Most women with children will tell you that when you're a mom, Christmas is a lot of work—almost like having a second job, and one that all too often goes unappreciated. For one mom named Mary, though, her efforts went not just unappreciated but entirely unnoticed.
After her family's Christmas in 2021 was canceled due to what she described as "a lot of loss and a lot of sadness," she spent "all month stressing" over creating the perfect Christmas for 2022. But as she detailed in a TikTok, that same effort was not reciprocated.
Mary awoke Christmas morning to find her husband had not bought her even one single gift.
Mary's TikTok resonated with scores of women who have also been ignored by their husbands on Christmas. She explained her upsetting experience in a TikTok posted Christmas morning, and in no time at all the comments filled with moms in the same shoes.
One woman wrote that her "nephew noticed and asked why Santa didn’t bring me anything while the family all sat in silence with laps full of gifts." Two others commented about getting even with their husbands for blowing them off at Christmas.
One described how she "turned the tables" by giving her husband an empty box. She wrote, "when he asked me why did I do that I told him I was only giving him what he gives me each Christmas. I closed with 'At least you got a box.'" She then added, "he offered to take me shopping today. I said no."
Another woman took things even further. She wrote, "yep that happened for years, got myself one of those divorces-best gift ever!!"
Others suggested these wives and moms simply buy their own gifts, but several countered that the suggestion misses the point entirely. As one put it, "it's not about the actual gift, it's feeling left out and not important enough to be thought of."
After a traumatic Christmas last year, Mary deserved better.
Mary's Christmas morning this year was particularly hurtful—she spent last Christmas hospitalized, which resulted in the loss of her pregnancy. In a follow-up TikTok, Mary explained that like most moms, her primary focus on special occasions is always her kids rather than herself.
Still, we all want to feel "special and loved and appreciated" by our partners, as she put it, and her husband's negligence stung this year even more than before.
As she explained in a second follow-up video, her mother passed away unexpectedly in 2021, and months later, Mary herself got sick while 20 weeks pregnant.
She lost her baby two weeks later, and was hospitalized on a ventilator away from her family for months, all through the 2021 holiday season and into January 2022.
So she told her husband, "this Christmas we're going to make it up" and go the extra mile to give their children some true holiday magic. But he seems to have decided not to participate, a decision that has left Mary bewildered.
As she put it, "you would think that you would love and care and appreciate the people in your life," adding, "when I...realized I didn't get anything? yeah I was pretty upset."
Many people shared Mary's shock. One wrote, "you deserve a partner who sees & validates your worth. And, your children deserve to see what a competent husband looks like." Another agreed, writing, "I thought your husband's neglect was hurtful, but hearing all you went through, there's no excuse. He should show you how special you are every day."
It's essential for husbands to prioritize thoughtful Christmas gifts for their wives. The gesture goes beyond mere tradition — it's a testament to the immense dedication and love that wives invest in making the holiday season magical. As the primary orchestrators of festive decorations and meticulous gift shopping for the entire family, wives and mothers often bear a substantial part of the holiday responsibilities.
Recognizing their selfless efforts and expressing appreciation through a well-chosen gift not only strengthens the emotional connection between partners but also underscores the importance of mutual respect and gratitude. In this way, the act of gift-giving contributes to a more profound sense of togetherness and makes the holidays even more memorable and heartwarming.
That's good advice for all of us when it comes to our loved ones, and not just in the dark times. Here's hoping Mary's husband heeds it next Christmas.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.