Idaho 4 Victim Kaylee Goncalves' Sister's Impact Statement Is A Masterclass In Destroying A Narcissist’s Ego
She knew exactly what to say.
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock On July 23, 2025, Alivea Goncalves addressed Bryan Kohberger, the man who pleaded guilty to killing her sister along with three other Idaho college students in 2022. Kaylee Goncalves’ sister's victim impact statement to Bryan Kohberger is a masterclass in destroying a narcissist’s ego, as her statement powerfully ripped into who Kohberger proved he is at his core — a “painfully average” and “weak” man who’s “terrified of being ordinary,” Alivea said.
Read after sentencing, victim impact statements are meant to “describe the emotional, physical, and financial impact you and others have suffered as a direct result of the crime,” the U.S. Department of Justice’s website explains. While there’s no wrong way for a victim’s family to express the pain a defendant has caused, Alivea’s statement reveals how deeply she understands the minds of murderers like Kohberger, who are so completely devoid of empathy that it’s hard to believe they’d care much about how their crime affected others. Instead, Alivea took the route of belittling Kohberger using psychologically backed phrases designed to hurt Kohberger where it would hurt him most — his ego.
Alivea Goncalves' victim impact statement is a masterclass in destroying a narcissist’s ego.
As a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, Amy Morin has explained, narcissists “don’t care what other people need or how they feel,” she wrote. “They don’t care what type of pain they inflict on others,” and in fact, often find satisfaction in making people cry.
Instead of giving her sister’s killer such satisfaction, Alivea said, “I won't stand here and give you want you want. I won't offer you tears. I won't offer you trembling. Disappointments like you thrive on pain, on fear and on the illusion of power. And I won't feed your beast.”
Her victim impact speech uses his own words against him.
Before his crime, Kohberger was a doctoral student in criminology at Washington State University, according to the New York Times. As part of his degree, Kohnberger conducted a “crime survey” in which he asked specific questions. Alivea repeated these questions when addressing Kohberger.
“Why did you choose that victim or target over others?” Kohberger asked survey takers.
“Why did you choose my sisters?” Alivea asked.
“Before making your move, how did you approach the victim or target?” Kohberger asked survey takers.
“Before making your move, did you approach my sisters?” Alivea asked.
“How does it feel to know the only thing you failed more miserably at than being a murderer is trying to be a rapper?” she continued, addressing Kohberger’s failed career as a rapper.
Narcissists can’t stand to be mocked because “they “care greatly about their image,” Morin wrote. “They want to appear wealthy, popular, and elite,” and Alivea’s reversal of Kohberger’s own questions onto him is a masterclass in making a narcissist feel anything but.
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Alivea questioned Kohberger's intelligence.
As Morin explained, narcissists want to appear intelligent, and often go out of their way to “make it clear they know everything.” In her victim impact statement, Alivea tore down any illusion that Kohberger was the intelligent man he pretended to be.
“If you were really smart, do you think you’d be here right now?” she asked. “You thought you were exceptional, all because of a grade on a paper. You thought you were elite because your online IQ test from 2010 told you so. All of that effort seems important; it’s desperate.”
Studies show narcissists thrive on external validation, and one powerful way to shut them down is to belittle their intelligence — which is just what Alivea did.
“You’re a delusional, pathetic, hypochondriac loser who thought you were so much smarter than everybody else,” she said. “Constantly scolding, turning your nose up to grammar mistakes, nitpicking and criticizing others.”
Her victim impact statement attacked his vulnerabilities.
“Rules are for people who aren’t smart enough to make good decisions on their own, the narcissist believes, but they know they’re exceptional,” Morin wrote, which “stems from a deeply ingrained belief that they are superior and deserving of special treatment.”
Alivea certainly did her research before reading her victim impact statement, because she used several phrases specifically designed to tear down any sense of superiority that Kohberger may have had left.
“You’re terrified of being ordinary, aren’t you?” Alivea asked, exposing the killer’s deepest wound. “But the truth is you're basic,” she continued. “You aren’t special or deep, not mysterious or exceptional. The truth is, the scariest part about you is how painfully average you turned out to be.”
Alivea even went so far as to call Kohberger “sloppy” and “dirty,” deep digs that trigger Kohberger’s reported Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which he attempted to use as a defense in court.
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Alivea’s statement took away any sense of control he thought he had.
According to Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, narcissists thrive on control. In a video, he explained that narcissists “don’t want compliance,” and will continue moving the goalpost to make it feel like your fault that you can’t please them instead of admitting they can never be pleased. “They want to be able to dominate you.”
Alivea sees Kohberger for exactly who he is, and in her speech, makes sure to make him see it too, tearing him down in front of the entire courtroom — which is extra devastating to his ego considering narcissists assume everyone loves them, Morin wrote.
“No one is scared of you today. No one is intimidated by you. No one is impressed by you. No one thinks that you are important,” she said. “You worked so hard to seem dangerous, but real control doesn’t have to prove itself.”
People can use these phrases from Alivea's victim impact speech to shut down the narcissists in their own lives.
Alivea’s speech is a masterclass in destroying a narcissist’s ego by breaking down any sense of superiority or control he may have felt he gained during his crime. Alivea’s powerful statement earned applause in the courtroom that the judge didn’t try to quell.
“You could tell today the anger was there, understandably, and they let him have it,” NBC News senior legal correspondent and Saturday TODAY co-anchor Laura Jarrett told TODAY.com.
Micki Spollen is YourTango’s Editorial Director. Micki has her Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism & Media Studies from Rutgers University and over 10 years of experience as a writer and editor covering astrology, spirituality, and human interest topics.
