Photo: TikTok
This is crucial to getting your relationship off to a good start.
By Kurtis Condra — Written on Sep 05, 2022
A divorce lawyer on TikTok is sharing his views on who should pay for the first date, but many in the comments seem to miss the message the lawyer was trying to share.
Justin Lee, a separation lawyer based in Toronto, Canada, is known for sharing tidbits of relationship advice and dating expertise that can help prevent couples from eventually getting a divorce.
But not all of his advice has been well received.
The divorce lawyer says men should always pay on the first date.
Lee explains that men should pay, but not for the reasons you might expect.
"The issue is when we end up paying for someone who has this real sense of entitlement, like this expectation that we will pay. That’s precisely why we need to always pay,” Lee explains in his video.
He says that paying for the date is a great opportunity to look out for red flags.
When the issue of payment arises, you can get a good look into the true nature of the individual you are sitting across from. Are their intentions good, or will they expect to be pampered for their whole life?
"So let’s say at the end of the date, you pull out your wallet, you offer to pay, and your date just sits there, expecting you to pay, as if that is the obvious course of action."
"In that moment, what did you just learn? You just learned that the person in front of you is entitled and frankly has the audacity to expect a near-stranger to pay for them,” Lee explains.
Lee says that if you end up paying for your date, who doesn't offer to pay, you just learned the person sitting across from you "does not have the basic courtesy to pretend offer to pay for you."
Not everyone favored Lee's 'men should pay first' type of test.
There were negatives in the comment section of Lee's video, with one comment saying, "I expect my spouse to take care of me. I won't pretend anything."
Observing how many people were missing his point, Lee doubled down.
"it’s not about who actually ends up paying, as much as it's about respecting and appreciating the gesture. As I said in the video, men will gladly pay — the payment isn’t the issue."
"The issue is when women perceive the payment as an obligation as opposed to a kind gesture. Entitled vs Appreciative. No one owes anybody anything!"
Lee goes on to explain in his second video, that for women who feel entitled to not pay, that will attract a partner who wants to hold more power in the relationship.
But, he argues, if you want to be equals, showing appreciation or even offering to pay will help create more balance.
Kurtis Condra covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics for YourTango. He is also a poet based in San Francisco, California. You can keep up with his poetic journey on Instagram.