This family’s uniquely compassionate story has captured thousands of hearts.
By Hawthorn Martin — Written on Mar 25, 2023
As many parents and children have talked about, adoption and the foster care system can be both beautiful and devastating experiences for families. Where one adopted family is able to provide more support and stability to a child, sometimes the birth mother is left out of the picture, no matter how much she loves her child.
One family is breaking down that binary and teaching the world a beautiful lesson in compassion, by keeping their families united, no matter what circumstances come between them.
An adoptive mom on TikTok said she often brings her son to see his homeless birth mother.
Adoptive mother Lacey recently took to TikTok to share the incredible story of her son Matthew’s life and relationship with his birth mother, who was forced to give him up after only two weeks of caring for him.
Lacey initially posted a video of the son and mother reuniting and interacting at a gas station, with a simple explanation: “Happy kid and his birth mommy. She’s been homeless for 22 years. When we see her around town, we always stop to say hi.”
After garnering 30,000 views, and hundreds of questions, however, Lacey decided to follow up on the circumstance. With the permission of both her son and his birth mother, she explained in depth the relationship that she had shown only the surface of.
“I was trusted with this young soul, but together is when they are whole,” she says of her son's relationship with his birth mom.
Her son, Matthew had been legally removed from his birth mother after only two weeks, and placed into the care of Lacey. Although his birth mother did not want to give up her child, she knew there was no way for her to ensure his safety, after years of chronic homelessness despite her best efforts.
Lacey welcomed the child into her life with immense care, but she never lost sight of the family he had come from. The first time she met her son’s birth mother, the two formed an immediate, powerful bond that would connect them for life. She explained the bond as a kind of soulmate connection, summarizing it as: “I am her, and she is me.”
Ever since then, Lacey has been very intentional to keep the birth mom in her and her son’s life, as much as possible. It hasn’t always been easy. After an immensely traumatizing and unlucky life that Lacey couldn’t even bring herself to explain, the birth mom had a difficult time finding stability.
Even when she had received housing, her “huge heart” had eventually gotten her in trouble. Lacey explained that “she wants to save all of her friends and then that creates problems for the landlords.” Unfortunately, due to this compassion, she repeatedly lost housing.
Lacey emphasized that the birth mom has not chosen this hard life over her child. “She's honestly a miracle for what she's been through,” she explained. “And she's not homeless or on the streets because she wants drugs more than her child. She's just had a very unlucky life.”
She explained how Matthew and she have immense compassion for his birth mom, no matter what people might judge her for. “My son and I have come to a place of just full acceptance, no judgment, no shame, no blame. We just love her.”
Over the years, Lacey has tried to support the birth mom in whatever ways she can.
She explained that for over seven years, she has become his birth mom’s legal advocate and medical power of attorney. She drives her to doctor appointments and helps her advocate for herself, but she has stopped trying to rescue her.
“I used to work so hard to try and rescue her and save her that I burned out and I crashed and I got sick. So that was my lesson in life, to take the oxygen mask down and put it on me first.”
Lacey recognized that she couldn’t fix his birth mom’s circumstance on her own, but she could do everything in her power to make life easier and more accessible as the birth mom worked to save herself. “This is my purpose,” Lacey said. “This is my destiny.”
She also explained that the relationship has not come at the expense of her son’s mental health. “It's not affecting him in any negative way,” she explained. “Does he worry about her? Of course. But it's not a detrimental worry.”
Both mothers are dedicated to keeping their son safe and healthy and are very conscious about his well-being and life.
Lacey also took the time to emphasize that her intention in sharing this story was not to become famous, but to feel less alone, and to let her story be heard. The family is currently working on a short film in Albuquerque about their unique experience, which is set to begin production soon, and Lacey hopes to complete it within a year.
Hawthorn Martin is a news and entertainment writer living in Texas. They focus on social justice, pop culture, and human interest stories.