Women Over 40 Who Still Haven’t Found The Right Guy Often Struggle Hard With These 2 Things
Jordan González | Unsplash There's no other way to say it: Dating over forty can be tough. I dated for many years as one of the single women over forty. The men I wanted to date never asked me out, or if I went out with a great guy, I never heard from him again.
Eventually, I realized there are two main reasons mature women are unable to attract and hold the sincere interest of quality men, and it usually comes down to these things they often struggle with.
Women over forty who still haven’t found the right guy often struggle hard with these 2 things:
1. They often have a critical, judgmental, closed mindset
This mindset reeks of negativity. An open mind is essential to finding love after forty. A closed-minded woman automatically rejects a man based on superficial information. If he shows up on a first date wearing the wrong shirt, or his haircut or eyeglasses are out of date, or he is a bit reserved, she pulls out her Sharpie, and she discards him like the evening trash.
Or if she gives him a second date, she doesn't like his house, dog, car, or his favorite TV shows, and she closes her mind to the possibility that this man is an intelligent, loving, stable diamond in the rough, eager to be polished. I met my husband on Match. According to statistics, between 10% and 39 of people meet their partner online. I knew on our first date he wasn't the silver-haired bad boy I was impulsively attracted to.
There was no titillating chemistry. His clothes were frumpy, drab, and tired. His conversation was restrained. He was balding and forty pounds overweight. But something in my gut told me he was the real deal, and so I consented to a second date.
In truth, I dated him because he had a farm with animals; I thought it would be fun to ride a horse and pet a cow. I continued dating him because he wined and dined me, he adored me, and he never made me worry. I fell in love with his heart, and I married him. Today, my husband has a closet full of snazzy clothes, he sports a Michael Douglas hairdo, he lost forty pounds, and I own my first horse.
2. Their expectations are too high (read: unreasonable and unattainable)
Jep Gambardella / Pexels
Women are infamous for The List, a column of checkmark boxes that characterizes the traits and attributes that must be present in the man they will date or marry. I'm amazed at the fantasy list of some women: deep pockets, expensive houses, luxury automobiles. A friend told me she wouldn't accept a blind date with a man because he was overweight.
Single women over forty can be uncompromising about their list. They've lived their first life. They got rid of their self-serving, cheating boyfriend, or they divorced their overbearing, abusive husband. They sent their children off to college, and they're self-supporting. It's "me-time," they say, and they conjure a long list of must-haves and deal-breakers that no man can measure up to.
According to statistics from the Pew Research Center, 25% of people over forty are unmarried. If you're dating over forty, I'm not saying lower your standards, and I'm not saying you should settle for Mr. So-So. I'm saying get rid of your fantasy laundry list and give a man a chance to show you his best and most enduring qualities. You may discover that the perfect man for you is wrapped in a different package.
And as to my girlfriend? I convinced her to give the overweight man a chance. She did. She fell deeply in love with him, saying he was the best man she had ever been with in her life. And she married him.
Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.
