Why Women Should Play Hard-To-Get With Their Husbands

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woman kissing man

You've heard the phrase "marital debt." Basically, it translates to this: a man and wife actually owe each other sex. We like to think we've gotten past that. But really, have we? Rape culture tells us that if we don't have sex with our husbands, they'll move on to greener pastures, possibly vajazzled ones. Men compare. They congratulate the one who has sex the most often — at least my husband and his friends do. This is why wives need to play hard to get.

Why women should play hard-to-get with their husbands:

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Basically, wives are supposed to put out: the more, the better. Only this way will her man be satisfied. And that's why women need to play hard to get with their husbands.

Something you get easy is valued cheaply. If you're riding him every night, he's going to take it for granted that you will. Sex will become something he expects, rather than something he savors. You want him to value you. You want him to value the close sexual relationship you have with each other.

If he comes home from work every day to find you on your back with your legs spread, he's going to expect it, and that's not good for you, not good for your relationship, and not good for your sex life. Play hard to get. Instead of offering it up on a platter, make him work for it. Does he want sex? He needs to kiss your neck, press himself against you, and show you that he wants not it, but YOU.

Sex goes from an expectation to a gift, one that you give each other. He gives it by showing he wants it; you give it by acquiescing. Sure, the gender roles are effed up. But you do what you have to.

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There are other good reasons to play hard to get. When you do it, the sex is so much better. Try withholding it for a few days. Slither out of his embrace with a grin. Tell him you'd rather watch Netflix tonight. Keep him interested with some kisses, but don't let it go too far.

Then when the sex comes, boom! He's so excited that he's got you up against the wall, and he's lifting you up, and you're pushing down your panties so he has easy access. Sex is just better when you play hard to get.

Playing hard to get also assures he won't take you for granted. Every man needs a break without sex to learn to appreciate what he's got. After a bit of you not initiating it, he'll take it upon himself to try.

Give him the cold shoulder. Show him some love, but not nearly the love he wants (i.e., getting between the sheets). Give him a few times of this, then pounce. Tell him you want him to pay all his attention to you. Tell him you want (insert sex acts here) slowly, gently, and seriously. Tell him you want it bad.

Pretty soon, you're the princess on your back getting your vag licked, your nipples pinched, your a** played with, and finally some good old-fashioned slow missionary position — assuming that's what you want.

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You should also play hard to get for one important reason: YOU. You might not want to have sex all the time. You might not want to have sex at that very minute.

Playing hard to get is a feminist act. It keeps him from thinking that he can have you whenever you want, and gives you the self-esteem to realize that you don't have to give yourself up whenever a man asks.

Saying no to sex means that you don't have to say yes all the time. It shows you that you're in control of your body. It shows HIM that you're in control of your body. And men love a strong woman more (at least, the good ones do).

Finally, putting it off is hot. That's the principle behind tantric sex. The ask/no, ask/yes/then no cycle arouses both of you. He might know you want to do it, but he can't get you to. He'll find it arousing. You'll find it arousing.

And in the end, both of you will get off harder than before. Playing hard to get works for lots of reasons. But mostly, because it makes the sex you have even better.

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Alissa Scully is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom. She got her degree in English and spends much of her time teaching freshmen, political activism, and media work.