Love

What Strippers Get About Men That Their Wives Don't Understand

Photo: Oleksandr Nagaiets / Shutterstock
stripper on a pole

I had another one of those conversations with a customer at the club last night. His wife was away, so he came in for a visit.

When I asked him why he didn't bring her, he said, "She'd kill me if she knew I was here."

I hate that. I asked him why she would want to kill him, expecting him to say something about the two most common reasons women hate strip clubs:

That she doesn't trust her partner and thinks he's actually having sex in a strip club. (Actually, outside of certain places in Providence and Las Vegas, a strip club is probably the last place a man is going to have sex.) or, that she's jealous that he's going to pay attention to another woman instead of her, and she craves more intimacy with him.

(Fyi: Both of those reasons indicate a lack of honest, open communication in a relationship.)

But, my friend last night said that he and his wife do great in the communication department.

I decided not to point out that lying to your partner about where you're going isn't exactly honest, open communication, but I digress.

Instead, he said that his wife believes women who work at strip clubs are objectified victims.

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There is something strippers get about men that their wives don't understand.

Objectified? Occasionally, that's true; but my experience is more often that men come in looking for companionship and connection.

They want to talk and get to know you before deciding if they want to go for a dance. Maybe that's me because I'm older than most exotic dancers and I tend to gravitate toward older men.

But, victimized? Never.

If there are any true victims in a strip club, it's the men. Here's what strippers get about men that their wives don't.

I've seen dancers take guys that were so drunk they didn't know their own names, drag them downstairs, and bleed every last dollar out of their wallets.

I'm sorry to say I've heard dancers lie about how many dances they'd given (note to guys—if you think you're being ripped off, ask the bouncer how many dances you did. It's his job to keep track of that).

Months ago, we even had a dancer who tried to steal her customers' wallets. Needless to say, she no longer works there.

It's true that some dancers work because of drug problems and some feel like they don't have any other viable options open to them.

But haven't you heard of people, friends, or even yourself, who feel like they're trapped in their jobs because of their responsibilities?

An uneducated woman can make more money dancing than she can flipping burgers, and if she's got a child or children, that's a powerful motivation.

For every dancer with a drug problem, there are three more putting themselves through college by dancing.

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For every woman who feels trapped, there are two or three more who truly love their job.

My friend's wife is what I would call an "old-school feminist"; I was one of those once, as well.

When I was in my 20s, if a guy complimented my physical appearance, he'd probably regret it.

I would usually lash out at him, feeling objectified. I wanted appreciation for my brain, not my beauty.

I bought into that old idea that men and women are equal, but by using the male standard as the measuring stick.

So, I was a type-A businesswoman, wearing power suits and acting strong. Now, I know better.

That whole line of thought doesn't serve women; it tells us that we need to act like men as if there's something wrong with being a woman.

Men are great at some things, and women are equally great at totally different things.

The new feminism honors what's innately great about women.

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The new feminism lets men be men and women be women.

We are quite different but equally valuable.

When we honor both, we learn to fully honor our whole selves, because we each possess both masculine and feminine traits.

I've long said that women who hate strip clubs have mostly never set foot in one.

I know the one I work at is very female-friendly.

In fact, Sunday night is our unofficial "couples night."

I've had several couples tell me how much they love coming to appreciate the beauty and skills of the dancers, and they go home feeling more connected and amorous.

I often tease them, saying that my job is to get them all riled up so they go home and have the best sex of their lives. God, I love my job.

And ladies, don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

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The Booty Doctors write about their knowledge of women, relationships, and love.

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