If You Want Lasting Respect From Your Husband, Start With These 5 Small Habits
Men need to be needed, so here's how to do it.
Asal S I | Unsplash So, you have found your guy and are now wondering about all the small ways men wish they could be loved and respected, so you can keep your man happy. I don’t know about you, but I find men a complete mystery.
I have a very good male friend whom I often ask for a man’s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing. His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself.
With that in mind, I asked him, and several other men, to tell me what a woman can do to make her man feel loved. I had a sense that it might be different from what women might think it could be. And guess what? I was right! Here is what I learned about earning lasting respect from your husband.
If you want lasting respect from your husband, start with these 5 small habits:
1. Let him make you laugh
If there is one thing that men love, it's external validation that they are all that and a bag of chips. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal — how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling.
And this is okay. It’s different from women, and it’s okay.
It feels counterintuitive to a woman that this might be important to a man, but picture the joy you felt the first time you heard your child laugh. It made all the tears worth it, didn’t it? It’s the same for a man.
If he can still make you laugh despite the challenges that you might have as a couple, he will feel love and joy for you, and for himself. And when your partner is joyous despite whatever they may be facing, that should be enough to make you, in turn, happy.
Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And there is nothing more important to him than knowing you appreciate and adore him.
2. Acknowledge the things he offers
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Men are at their best when they are giving. It’s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love, and this is a primal need for them.
It can sometimes be hard for modern men to give because it’s hard for modern women to receive. And, oftentimes, when a man does give to a woman, she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it’s not enough, or acts in a way that implies that she doesn’t deserve it.
I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn’t to her taste.
She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this, she hurt him. So much so that eventually he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn’t make anyone happy.
What she learned in this situation was that she needed to acknowledge the giving of the gift. When men give, they give from the heart, even if they aren’t totally in touch with what you might want them to give. "If he knew me better, he would know what I like," I often hear after a woman receives something she doesn’t like.
It doesn’t matter the gift, it’s the effort. Maybe he gifted you the earrings you've been asking for, or maybe he made you your favorite meal. No matter what the gift is, he wants you to acknowledge the energy he has put into trying to make you happy. So, thank your man for the effort, and he will feel loved.
When you recognize and express gratitude for your husband's actions, whether big or small, it makes him feel valued and seen. One study argues that this positive reinforcement enhances his self-worth and confidence, contributing to his overall emotional well-being.
3. Let him help you
Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves, and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.
But men don’t want that! They don’t want us to be too helpful.
Don’t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink.
But they do want to feel like they can take care of themselves, that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even, sometimes, the guy in charge.
Have you gotten to the point where you feel like you do everything in the relationship, and are you exhausted by it? At the same time, do you give your man the space to take over some of that stuff, or do you continue to hold onto the responsibility despite how it feels?
If you do, stop! Let your guy do some things. Let him do his laundry (if he wants to) or get his hair cut the way he wants it. Let him plan dinner or buy presents or drive the kids to school. And when he has done it, thank him for it, even if he doesn’t do it quite the way you like it.
Relinquish some control and allow him to do something, anything, to take a load off your plate. After all, you are a team. So, let him do his thing — let him take care of you, even if it’s hard to do so.
A 2020 study explained that healthy relationships thrive on reciprocity, where both partners contribute and feel valued and supported by the other. When you allow your husband to help, it demonstrates trust in his abilities and signals that you value his contributions to the relationship and family life.
4. Lead with your feminine energy
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I know, I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren’t going to act like "girls."
I get it. But one thing that we can’t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that many men are masculine and many women are feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits.
Men like to feel strong and protective at times. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, most men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.
I am not suggesting that we go back to the Dark Ages where men look at women as a piece of meat to do what they want with them. Or that we step back from the fact that men and women are equal.
Being soft and nurturing does not mean you are weak, and if it makes your man feel strong and protective, he will feel loved. His primal instincts will be activated and he will feel like more of a "man." And there is nothing better for a man than being made to believe that he is one!
So, do your best to not only tap into your feminine energy, but to encourage him to step into his masculinity. Let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. All of these actions will make him feel needed, loved, and like he's an asset in your relationship.
Some research suggests that qualities traditionally associated with femininity such as nurturing, empathy, and emotional expression. Building respect involves open communication, mutual respect, and honoring each other's needs and desires.
5. Let him know when he does something right
What do I mean by that? Here is an example. My ex-husband and I had a “no power cord” rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother’s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I loved it.
He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he could make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on, he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would make me happy.
Once you know what those things are, tell him. If you can guide him into knowing what makes you happy, he will do those things if it will lead to the physical closeness that always makes him feel loved. And really, that was a win-win situation for both of you.
I hope that now that you know the small ways that men wish they could be loved and respected, you will take the steps to make them happen.
Men are not complicated and are way easier to make feel loved than women (a whole other topic), and we women can do anything that we put our minds to. So, if we can put our minds to what our men need to feel loved, we can keep them happy and the relationship healthy.
So, let him make you laugh, put on your girly side sometimes, thank him for the things he does, and let him know what makes you happy, and your man will feel the love that he so longs to feel.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
