To The Man Who Showed Me That Not All Men Are The Same

There’s something divinely wicked about a man who makes me feel safe yet encourages me to be wild.

By Kate Rose — Written on Aug 31, 2021

Photo: Oleggg / Shutterstock

I never expected you, in truth. Perhaps I never really knew love until you either.

This journey has been a beautiful spiral even if at times it left me clutching my eyes shut and screaming because it felt more like a death-defying roller coaster than a relaxing Sunday drive. But I suppose that's the part they don’t really tell you about awakened conscious relationships: it first has to hurt like hell before beauty is ever seen.

We both have changed so much and grown through life, so while maybe it seems like I’m apologizing for the mess that I was, it was just that you understood my darkness and refused to ever take it easy on me.

I never really thought I had walls up or judged men as all alike, yet my interactions with you have proven to me that I did just that. But I eventually learned not all men are the same.

I was a girl who was used to being left, and from an early age, I had been taught my worth lay within the length of my hair, the size of my breasts, and the tightness of my vagina. Even though I had these rivers of thoughts and hands that wanted to help the world, those parts of me were never of interest to the boys or men who surrounded me.

No one ever encouraged me to grow, to speak up, or to try to change the world...until you.

Maybe we began hotter than we should have, but the reality is that fire has only turned into a slow rolling boil.

My passions for you won’t ever wane but what we share in the bedroom isn’t anything compared to who we are for each other. You showed me what it feels to be seen, to be valued, and to be able to be whoever I am on any given day without worrying you’ll suddenly change your mind and pull the proverbial rug out from my heart once again.

I never made it easy on you either, and if I’m honest, the reason it took you so long to get the real me was that I didn’t think you wanted to see her. I judged you and therefore edited myself based on what I thought you would want to see. But I see now that it was my lingering fear that hung heavy around my shoulders that was preventing me from simply being myself.

You showed me there really are people out there who can accept all of us and that we don’t need to be watered down in order to be taken for long periods of time.

You showed me how amazing it can be between two people when both make the choice to just be themselves with the contradictions and complexities as sharp as falling stars which only make us richer in who we are and what we share.

There’s a difference between knowing we are deserving of love and being ready for it. I've been saying for years that I was deserving of it, but I was never ready. In part, I wasn’t ready because I was still wounded, I hadn’t completely healed. Had we joined together the only thing I would have probably done is ruin us. But all of that is different now.

While there is still fear that lingers like an old worn-out recording that I have no use for anymore, it’s not the loudest voice any longer. Change scares me, something you know very well, but I’m learning to relax into it, to go with the flow even if that is faster or in a direction different than I had anticipated.

Because of you, I feel safe with the external changes that life may throw my way.

The truth is I have done a lot of my own work, painfully and slowly, but you bring a different filter to my life and with it, a strength that helps me fight the really big battles. Because I know whether you’re next to me or not, you’re still in my corner.

I never knew what it felt like to be safe with a man until you. Not only am I truly physically safe with you, but my heart and soul are too. You’d never ridicule me, make me question my worth, or even put me down to make yourself seem taller. And it’s those qualities that set you apart.

Because you are a man among men, and you have shown me, not with slick coated words of sugar, but with your actions that not all men are the same. But more than that, not all men are like you.

I could write a list of qualities that I would need in order to feel fulfilled, but my lips are turning into a smirk as I write this, because you are more than I ever knew I wanted or needed.

You help without asking, you show up when you say you’re going to, you talk of the moon and listen to the rain, and you look for the beautiful magic of synchronicity and signs everywhere that you go in this life.