Men Often Do 5 Things To Be Romantic That Usually Have The Opposite Effect, According To Women
MDV Edwards | Shutterstock Women are airing their grievances about a very important topic: men and their inability to understand romance. In short, romance looks different for every woman, but men need to start paying attention to what their partners like and don't like.
Maybe your boyfriend got you a necklace, but it's gold... and you only wear silver. Or your husband starts to get touchy in the kitchen while you're trying to prepare a meal. In an attempt to be romantic, men will do things they think set the mood, but they often come across as frustrating to their partners.
Men often do 5 things to be romantic, but unfortunately, have the opposite effect:
1. Propose at public events, particularly if uncertain about their partner's response
The idea of a public proposal has gained traction online, spotlighting locations to pop the question such as Disney World, concerts, and, worst of all, other people's weddings. Rather than it being a special moment, it becomes a spectacle, and according to many women, very unromantic.
In the words of a woman sharing her take on Reddit, "It's not like Hallmark movies where it all works out and isn't awkward."
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Unless women have explicitly said they'd like a public proposal, the safer option would be somewhere more private. Without having the absolute certainty that they would say yes, it makes for an uncomfortable situation, with too many people watching potential rejection. But really, if a couple has reached the point of proposing, you'd think he would know what she might like.
2. Order her food in a restaurant
Having someone place your order for you at a restaurant is frustrating and inconvenient. It can be confusing for the wait staff, making the situation a whole lot more uncomfortable.
"[I] hated this when I was waiting tables! Especially since half the time the men wouldn't even make it clear that [it] was his order and hers, so I'd turn to the lady and the guy would get mad," explained one woman on Reddit.
Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told Inside Hook, “If someone wants to do it, and there is no problem with the other partner, there is no harm done. The problem occurs when it appears patronizing, or the other person does not want someone to order for them.”
And maybe that's the crux of the problem when it comes to men and romance. Every woman is different. In order to be romantic, a man needs to understand what the woman he is with finds appealing.
3. Act overly possessive or jealous
Social media has romanticized jealousy, but it's really not. Yes, it's a common emotion, but letting it go unchecked is unhealthy. A relationship is a two-way street of trust, and when a boyfriend or husband gets upset about how you dress or whether other men find you attractive, it can become a serious problem.
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Some women on Reddit explained that their exes were jealous, and that there was nothing redeeming about the lack of trust. While this behavior has been glamorized in fiction, it's not cute in person and can be a telltale sign of a relationship on the brink of a breakup.
It reads as "[d]istrust and disrespect. Like, he doesn't think my judgment, in my own life, is worthy of respect," said a frustrated woman. Let's leave the toxicity for fictional boyfriends, not real-life ones.
4. Do chores occasionally as a gift
Doing chores is crucial for the upkeep of a house, and if you already live together, it should be the bare minimum to do them together. Divvying up the work and communicating about what needs to be done in your living situation are signs of a healthy relationship. But some men still view the work as gender-specific, and when they engage, it's out of the ordinary and thoughtful.
It is a complaint of many women that their male partners will do a chore, such as the dishes, laundry, or vacuuming, and then want a gold star after. While larger tasks may be an act of service, everyday household upkeep should not be considered a thoughtful gift.
"My husband's favorite line is 'Did you see I did (insert any household chore) for you.' Well great, happy that you helped in a house that you live in too," complained an annoyed wife.
Both parties should be responsible for the tasks that come with living in a home or apartment, so it shouldn't be seen as a grand gesture when your partner finally does the dishes that have been piling up.
5. Give expensive rather than thoughtful gifts
Some people do prefer expensive gifts, but it seems that most women would rather their partner put thought into it. Grandiose gifts can be fun, but they're not always practical, and some people just don't like them. In fact, a 2022 study found that gift givers often think that an expensive gift will be liked more, but gift receivers actually prefer thoughtful gifts regardless of cost.
"A previous partner gave me an evening purse that I've used once. My current partner gave me a Yeti cooler in my favorite color, and that gets used far more," one woman noted. Other women on Reddit also complained that it made them concerned for their boyfriend or husband's financial state, making them feel like they need to monitor their spending.
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Buying a gift just because it's pricey seems lazy. The more romantic option would be to pay attention to what your wife truly wants, like her own form of the bumblebee tights from "Me Before You."
For any romantic gesture, it's important to think about what your partner likes before taking action. The more personal and thoughtful the gift, the more likely they'll be heart-warmed by it.
As they say, to be loved is to be known. And that's what romance is: knowing what your partner will like.
Gabrielle Mattes is a writer working towards a Creative Writing degree. Her focus is lifestyle, wellness, human interest, and relationships.
