11 Things Guys Thought They Wanted In A Woman (But Then Realized They Didn't)

As we grow up, our tastes in a partner change.

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Before I begin this article, I want to talk about the story of a guy I’ll call Chad. (That’s not his real name.) Chad and I were polar opposites in many ways, but during school, we ended up dating regardless. He was a frat boy type; I was a goth. He had people who willingly spoke to him in class; I didn’t.

Eventually, Chad ended up breaking up with me saying that he wanted a girl who was more popular. Recently, I ran into him. He was doing fine for himself, but when he saw me, he actually apologized for the fact that he dumped me. According to him, he was foolish at the time, and he didn’t realize how little popularity mattered.


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From what I’ve heard about what guys don't want in a girl, a lot of men end up realizing that the priorities they used to have aren’t really what they want later on in life. I decided to ask men what they were attracted to in a woman but later dropped interest in. What I found out shocked me, and it might shock you too. Here’s what they had to say.

Here are 11 things guys thought they wanted in a woman, but then realized they didn't:

1. A woman who followed trends

“I used to want a girl who looked just like everyone else and just followed trends, but my god, they’re boring. It’s strange. I don’t really know what I was expecting to happen. I have nothing in common with people who are mainstream.” —Dante, 30


2. A traditional woman

“Back when I was in high school, I really used to care about having a girl who was traditional. Nowadays, I’m realizing that traditional girls are actually really difficult to date. I can’t afford to pay for all the dates, nor do I have the income for a single-income household. Oh, and I am definitely not ready to raise a child if she gets pregnant at random.” —Tre, 27

3. A woman who loved anime

“I used to want a girl who was into anime. As I got older, I got less interested in it and eventually, it stopped being something that I wanted to find. I know it’s just a hobby, but back in the day, it was my life. Strange how things like that happen, right?” —Gabi, 35

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4. A virgin

“For the longest time, I used to insist on dating girls who were either virgins or close to it. After I had sex with a girl who was more experienced than I was, I quickly realized I didn’t have the patience to teach inexperienced girls everything and I also realized I want a girl who could teach me a few things, too.” —Will, 29


5. An insecure woman

“I always was in relationships with girls who were insecure, perhaps because I was insecure myself. The more confident and older I got, the less I could handle the drama that came with insecurity. I guess I grew up?” —Leon, 33

6. A rebellious woman

“My Achilles’ heel, for a minute, was the rebellious girl who had a super-exciting life. Once I dated one, I realized how exhausting that really is. Sure, it’s a nice idea to live like that, but it’s just not for me.” —Steve, 36

7. A woman who wanted kids

“Up until around age 32, I really thought I wanted a woman who wanted kids. One pregnancy scare and five years later, I realized I’m majorly childfree. I could never date a woman who wants kids these days.” —Joseph, 40

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8. A good-looking woman

“In high school and in my early 20s, all I really wanted to do was get with the hottest girl I could. I hate to say it, but it’s true. But sometime around 30 or so, I started to realize that it’s not only about looks. The girl I’m with now isn’t exactly a model, but she does have a good soul and she makes for a great companion. It’s been the best relationship I’ve ever been in.” —Adam, 34

9. An adventurous woman

“There are plenty of ways to identify what guys don't want in a girl. But the biggest change I had was in wanting a girl who was adventurous. Like, I really thought that life was all about just going, getting a job, having a bunch of kids, then retiring. But I lived that and it made me miserable! I’m not that kind of person, and the older I got, the more I realized it. If I could turn back time, I would have chosen the girl who always had wild stories to tell and crazy experiences. But now that I have two kids, I’m a bit too old for that, anyway.” —Rob, 50

10. A woman who fulfilled my fantasies

“The biggest mistake I ever made was believing I wanted to leave my stable, kindhearted wife for the girl I worked with. I divorced my wife thinking this girl would be some kind of fantasy person who would be ten times better... and she definitely was not. I still try to call my ex up to ask to come back to her, but she's now with another guy. I doubt I'll ever find a woman as good as her again." —Kyle, 30


11. A party girl

“I thought I wanted a party girl type. I learned I do not want that after I brought one to a family barbecue. She proceeded to get trashed and had to be driven home by me mid-party. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.” —Jake, 21

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.