10 Things Guys Really Want From You (But Won't Ask For)
It's hard to know what men want, so that's why we made a list for you.
Elena karetnikova / Shutterstock If you feel like you need a crystal ball to interpret what a man wants, you’re not alone. While women often get lumped with the ‘complicated’ tag due to self-expression, men can appear blissfully simple, in the emotions game.
The reality is, it’s probably because your guy is reluctant to talk about his needs in an open setting.
It could stem from social conditioning, difficulty with communicating intimate feelings, or the sheer fear of showing anyone his true self. This leads to miscommunication, arguments, and those, “not tonight, I’ve got a headache” moments we all know and love. Contrary to popular opinion, what he wants you to do isn’t just about sex.
Here are 10 things guys really want from you, but won't ask for:
1. The room to chase
The ‘thrill of the chase’ isn’t something only men love to experience. We all get a kick out of striving hard to get the best out of life. However, sometimes during dating, women unconsciously block guys from enjoying the chase. If you’re always the one initiating further dates and texting him, you’re not actually allowing space for him to feel the urge to pursue you.
This isn’t about playing games. It’s about him knowing he’s consciously choosing you and not being pushed into anything.
Change your mindset to one of allowing the situation to flow and keep living your best life while dating. Respond to his efforts to move forward, put an effort in from your end too, but don’t force things. If he’s into you, it will find its own way.
2. Respect
While everyone deserves respect, men and women tend to feel differently about what it means. Think about those conversations where you’re venting about your day at work. Your guy inevitably jumps in to offer solutions. Innately, he’s a problem solver. You, on the other hand, may not need him to fix your problems, you just want to talk about them.
When you tell him you don’t need his help, it can feel like disrespect, even though that’s the last thing you mean. Men often feel respect as love and if you disapprove of him, what he does, how he dresses, or why he responds in such a way, he’ll have a hard time trusting you with his emotions. Accept him as he is, along with the differences in male/female communication and he’ll bask in the light of your respect.
3. Acceptance of his help
You are, without a doubt, independent, confident, and entirely capable of looking after yourself. However, that has absolutely nothing to do with allowing your man to help you. We all love to feel needed and this is a way he can show his love through action, rather than emotion.
It’s not about being a damsel in distress. Men love strong women who know how to navigate challenges, whether it be an emotional upset or changing a tire. But, when he offers to carry your bags (even though they’re not heavy), he’s expressing the desire to make you happy, to make life easier for you, to feel useful to you. In the old-fashioned sense, this is called chivalry. Enjoy it and let him.
4. Space
The concept of a ‘man cave’ isn’t fictional. Traditionally, women tend to flock to each other for socializing, talking about problems, and having fun, while men like solitary time to do their own thing. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with you.
The same goes for spending time with his mates. It’s about his mates – not the woman in his life. If you’ve experienced this in reverse, whereby a man doesn’t want to let you out of his sight, you’ll know how it feels to be suffocated. It’s basically one of the fastest ways to end a relationship, no matter if it’s you or him putting the paper bag over it.
After all, a relationship isn’t a merger of two people into one. It’s an invitation to go on a journey together, as separate individuals who both require space along the way.
5. Compliments and appreciation
A man is probably never going to ask you to compliment him more, for fear of sounding like he needs his ego stroked. It’s much more likely that he’s complimenting you all the time, whether it’s because you look pretty, say something funny, or kick a goal at work.
But, he needs reassurance too and there’s nothing wrong with a little ego-stroking. In fact, compliments help boost his confidence and, when they’re coming from you, it’ll help him feel loved. As an added bonus, the more you tell him what you think is great about him, the more you’ll see those attributes.
6. Sexual variety
It’s impossible to talk about what men want women to do without delving into sex. Sexy lingerie, different positions, a hot make-out session in public, or anything new, really, will drive him wild. He won’t want to ask for it, but he will want it, and it’s also one of the best ways to create intimacy and keep the all-important fire alive.
7. Initiate on him
How would you feel if you always initiated contact with a man, whether it be through texts, phone calls, kissing, or sex? Men have a fear of rejection too, even in long-term relationships. For the most part, there’s nothing wrong with this, but for your man, it’s nice to have the pressure of doing so taken off occasionally.
Plus, it’s sexy as hell to be in the presence of a woman confident enough to do so.
8. Keep your spontaneity and passion
There’s nothing more attractive than a person who’s spontaneous, free, and willing to be herself. A guy loves it when you have your own opinions, express what you like and don’t like, and make risky choices that bring you happiness.
He also loves to be curious about you, to be surprised by your spontaneous actions, and to feel challenged by what’s in your mind. This kind of attitude means you’re comfortable with yourself, have your own life, and trust him enough to show it to him. He wants to admire you, so don’t hide your passions, fears, or love of singing in the shower. If he doesn’t get a kick out of the real you, he’s not the right one anyway.
9. Trust him completely
It’s a weird contradiction, but if your man feels like you don’t trust him, he’ll have a hard time trusting you.
It’s empowering to feel trusted. It’s an acknowledgment that you think he’s a great guy. Jumping to negative conclusions, being paranoid, or consistently doubting his intentions, on the other hand, is offensive to someone trying to earn your trust. He might just withdraw emotionally because he can’t trust you to believe in him.
10. Be his buddy
Being your guy’s buddy doesn’t mean you have to go to the footy, slurp down a meat pie, and have burping competitions (though a lot of guys would love it if you joined in occasionally). It means being on his side and accepting him as he is, just like a true friend would.
Too often, even at the very beginning of relationships, it’s easy to fall into the trap of liking most things about a new lover, while thinking you’ll just change the things you don’t. You won’t. Worse still, you’ll make him feel like you’re not in his corner, that there’s something wrong with him, and that he can’t act like himself around you. And a true friend would never do that.
What else? Well, dressing up like a hot nurse and bringing him a beer is always a winner — though he might not have the guts to ask you.
Mark Rosenfield is a dating coach who writes to help women find love within and without. He is the author of Make Him Yours: Beating The Odds Of Modern Dating.