4 Things Deeply Happy Couples Do On A Regular Basis
Happy couples aren't lucky. They just do these four things over and over again.
Design: YourTango | Photo: Mr Arif, Canva Pro The idea of falling out of love with your partner is a real fear among couples who have been together in a long-term relationship and worry that their marriage is getting stale. Research suggests that preventing the decline of love in a relationship requires proactive effort and a willingness to adapt and address challenges.
But there are ways to ignite your love and learn how to be a deeply happy couple again. You may believe that inevitably, all relationships fizzle out over time. How can you be interested in their stories after hearing them one thousand times? After things have gotten boring and comfortable? Even if you feel like you’ve lost touch and can’t remember a time when your relationship felt fun or exciting, it's possible to reignite the fire with your partner.
Here are 4 things deeply happy couples do on a regular basis:
1. Make their partner a priority
Remember how thoughtful you once were about your partner's needs and wants? You wanted to surprise them, make them excited, make them feel good. The most selfish thing you can do in any relationship is to make their happiness your desire.
Because when someone feels good, happy, and excited because of you, they will then shower good thoughts and feelings back onto you. Remember those butterfly feelings you used to get from being with them?
If you keep this up, you'll find that those butterfly feelings come back. Begin to break the habits and patterns you’ve established long ago that you are not even aware of. Tune into what it is you like about them instead of focusing on what you don’t.
Before reacting to something they say or do, pause and think about what you're doing. Acknowledge them more and understand that in love and relationships, the details matter most.
2. Infuse humor and fun into their partnership
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Make sure to laugh with your partner and connect with them on adventures and time spent doing things you both love. In relationships, it can be easy to forget to let go, play with each other, and have fun.
When your partner is being wishy-washy and indecisive about what to do, tap into what you want. Feel for what excites you in your body and have fun with each other.
After all, what’s the point of being alive if you can’t enjoy it while you’re here? Humor and jokes can go a long way and are good for your mental health, too.
Incorporating humor and fun into a relationship is not just about having a good time; it's a valuable strategy for building emotional bonds, improving communication, managing conflict, reducing stress, and fostering a more satisfying and resilient connection.
Research suggests that couples who are playful together report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and perceive their relationships as more positive and stable.
3. Experiment with intimacy
Plan to try something together without making a huge commitment to it. This can be incredibly useful in relationships as a way to flex different muscles of communication or experimentation.
For example, you may decide to improve intimacy by deciding to be intimate every day for two weeks. Or perhaps you're going to set a timer and kiss for 15 minutes every day. What would that experience be like?
With this new knowledge, things can quickly become a lot more exciting. As part of this “experiment," maybe you agree to come up with a list of “demands” that you both honor, no matter what.
The possibilities are endless — just make sure there are clear parameters that you both agree to and that you have a plan to adjust if it isn’t working.
One thing to look out for is letting life interfere with the commitment you’ve made to one another. Make sure that you go into this willing to give it your all.
4. Treat their partner as the most interesting person in the world
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Attention in the present moment is where all of your power lies. Not in the past, not in the future.
In yoga, there is a saying: "All you have is 24 hours!" In this technological age, attention is a great commodity — corporate America spends billions trying to get it from you.
How many times have you been out at dinner and spent half of it writing texts or emails? Most of your attention is so split that if you're among the few who give others undivided, quality attention, this gives you a superpower. To practice giving your partner all of your attention, try this workout:
You and your spouse sit and face each other. One person describes in detail all of the features of their partner’s face. “I notice the hair on your eyebrows slants up and then curves back down. There are thicker and thinner parts.”
Sounds weird, right? You and your partner could have a lot of fun when you try to focus such intense attention on each other. This can be your experience in your relationship all the time. You can make a practice out of it like you would with meditation or yoga.
Decide that your partner is the most interesting person in your life, and give them your undivided attention — make it into a game, even. Studies suggest that individuals desire unique treatment from their partners, even more than general generosity, which can significantly contribute to relationship satisfaction. Couples who continue to respect and admire each other often see their partner as a source of support and take pride in their paths, creating a sense of shared purpose and depth.
Be on the journey together and become a person that they want to find interesting, too. Develop your character, get to know yourself, and know that the most interesting place is not in your head, but in the people and the life around you.
Samantha Benigno is a scientist, educator, psychotherapist, and former senior clinical coach, and has received training in modalities of treatment that include CBT and MBCT, DBT, biofeedback, yoga therapy, and hypnosis.
