These Hidden Cameras Show What Women Actually Deal With On Dates
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva I was single for years in my late 20s. During that time, I went on hundreds of dates. When I disclosed that number in another article, one guy commented:
“The fact that this article writer [said she’d] been on ‘hundreds of dates’ tells me she’s unbearably picky without much tolerance, and [the guy she ended up in a relationship with is] a dog in human form.”
My boyfriend does have golden retriever energy, but that’s beside the point. Other men echoed this sentiment, implying that I was the problem for being discerning about who I let into my life.
First of all, when women are picky, it’s not superficial; it’s a survival strategy. One out of three women will be physically or sexually assaulted in her lifetime, and over 99% of perpetrators are men.
Second, I’m an educated woman who owns a house, runs a business, makes good money, and is on a perpetual self-improvement journey. Sue me for wanting a fully realized partner instead of a project.
I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, either, and that’s fine. Some dates were mutually mediocre, so we simply went our separate ways.
But some dates were straight out of a nightmare. I’m talking rage issues, negging, harassment, stalkers, gaslighting, redpill regurgitation, and way too many unsolicited photos.
Some men seem to think that because A) they’re not treating women this way, and B) other guys aren’t treating them this way, women must be lying about their dating experiences.
So many times, I wish I’d hit record on my phone to capture the red flags. Fortunately, other women went in prepared.
These videos show what we actually deal with on dates, so we can prove once and for all: We’re not exaggerating, and dating as a woman truly is as exhausting, demoralizing, and dangerous as we claim.
These hidden cameras show what women actually deal with on dates
Delusional alpha males
cottonbro studio / Pexels
Recently, a Manosphere YouTuber with over 2.2 million subscribers sent out a newsletter telling men that “girls” secretly love being commanded:
“Even though society says don’t be patriarchal, the girls who are actually worth dating love it. And the girls who hate it, you don’t want them anyway unless you like fat, blue-haired, smelly girls. […] Use commands as a filter, as a tool of polarization. You give a command and instantly, you’ll see what kind of girl she is. If she listens with a smile, she’s a keeper. If she gets defensive or rude, leave her.”
I’d bet any amount of money that this “alpha male” subscribes to that newsletter.
In addition to telling his date multiple times that she should choose options with “less calories,” he insists he knows what women like, speaks over her when she tries to order, and has a masculinity meltdown when she tries to pay her half of the bill. Someone let me know if they recognize this guy’s voice from an episode of Dateline.
Being treated like sex workers
When I was single, I picked up the tab on every first date. Yes, both his bill and mine, and yes, even if I had no intention of seeing him again. Especially if I had no intention of seeing him again.
Here’s another video of the exact same dynamic. Plenty of men seem to think that if they pay for our food, we owe them a Netflix and chill session. At the very least, we’d better agree to a second date.
Dating is 20% more financially expensive for men, but it’s a massive effort and risk investment for women. For one, we put significantly more time and money into our appearances. For another, countless women report that dating feels like a “free therapy session” (and we’re the therapists).
Finally, there’s this fun little gamble: Going on a date with a dude we don’t know could literally be the last thing we ever do. But I guess we’re gold diggers if we don’t trade our vaginas for a $15 burrito (which, by the way, is 85% cheaper than your average sex worker).
Guys who want tradwives
Viktoria Slowikowska / Pexels
Let’s get this straight: Tradwives never existed, and in this economy, they never will. Women have worked since the dawn of civilization. Only in the 1950s did the “perfect stay-at-home wife” become a cultural ideal, and only because the government wanted men to reclaim the workforce after World War II.
These women were historically depressed, undervalued, and overmedicated, so newer generations of women have worked their asses off to ensure they don’t end up in forced servitude like their grandmothers.
And “tradwives” like Nara Smith, Estee Williams, and Hannah Neeleman? They’re not unemployed housewives; they’re influencers. They pull in millions of dollars by making softcore pornography for misogynists.
Yet so many modern men genuinely believe they’re going to find a woman who will happily cook, clean, and take care of kids in heels and a housedress. These guys want a traditional wife, yet they don’t meet any of the criteria required of a traditional husband.
Newsflash: Food, kids, cars, college, and houses were cheap as hell in the 1950s. The average American household now requires two incomes, so unless you make well over six figures, you can’t afford a wife who doesn’t work.
Negging
Negging is the act of subtly undermining a woman’s confidence using backhanded compliments. This, according to pick-up artists, will make her feel bad enough about herself to date you.
It typically doesn’t work. First, most women know how to recognize it. Second, negging makes it abundantly clear that you think your date is out of your league, and the only way you’ll be able to land her is if you knock her down a few pegs.
But that doesn’t stop insecure men from trying. One particular man thought it would be a good idea to ask his date if her breasts were real, question how much money she makes, and ask her if she always eats this much.
Here’s another example in which a guy gives his date a hard time about being vegan, and then asks, “Have you ever thought about whitening your teeth?”
Life-threatening situations
I’m sure men are going to tell me these videos are staged (feel free to do so; I get paid for every comment), so here’s one from the perspective of a police officer’s bodycam:
This woman was riding on the back of her Tinder date’s motorcycle. Stopped at a red light, he made eye contact with a cop, who noticed that the bike didn’t have tags. When the cop tried to pull him over, the guy sped off.
He was going 130 miles an hour when the police finally caught him.
The cops immediately cuffed the woman, who had nothing on her and couldn’t stop crying. Some people in the comments also blamed her: “If you just met someone a day ago, you don’t jump on his bike,” one wrote. Another said, “Using dating apps is fine. Not looking into who you’re going out with isn’t.”
Yet women are at an increased risk of danger every time they meet up with a man. Yes, even when it’s in public, in broad daylight, post-background check, after sharing our location so our friends can ensure we haven’t been kidnapped.
Besides, when 76% of women who are murdered are murdered by a man they know well, a background check isn’t going to save us, is it? But sure, the male loneliness epidemic is our fault.
Maria Cassano is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food & Wine, and Allure, among others. She's in the process of publishing her memoir, which you can learn more about here.
