The Sweet And Pure Trait That Lets You Know A Man Is Safe To Love
For the women who want more than just swagger in a man.
Spencer Quast | Unsplash Conventional dating stereotypes often claims that women think with their hearts while men think with their brains (or other places further South, ahem...) But research from Johns Hopkins University suggests that when it comes to intimacy, this couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, ladies, men are emotional, too!
A 2011 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health "looked at the association between three developmental assets — self-esteem, autonomy, and empathy — and three measures of pleasure among young adult women and men in established opposite-sex relationships." The study found that the majority of satisfied men also possess a high amount of empathy, meaning that most guys would rather put your needs before their own.
“Empathetic individuals are more responsive to a partner’s needs, and thus initiate a positive feedback cycle,” said Adena Galinsky, PhD, co-author of the study.
Why empathetic men are better partners and safer to love
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The researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health looked at surveys from 3,200 participants. They answered questions designed to measure autonomy, self-esteem, and empathy.
The researchers found that young men are more likely than women to consistently relish acts in which the goal is to satisfy their partner. Do you know what this means? The more giving your man is in bed, the better your love life will be. Who says nice guys finish last!?
Dr. Galinsky added, "These developmental assets may be more important to young women’s pleasure since they help them break down impediments to communication and exploration.”
The researchers also measured the participants' satisfaction with the level of control they felt they had during intimacy and how it made them feel. They based this on their overall enjoyment of giving and receiving.
Ready for a shocker? The study actually found that while women with high amounts of these traits reported better love lives, only empathy made a positive difference in the love lives of men.
Wait, there's more.
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Autonomy contributed to the frequency of intimacy — while higher self-esteem was correlated with the enjoyment of giving — but neither led to better or more intimacy in general. So your man's sensitivity to your needs essentially "initiates a positive feedback cycle," meaning that your response to his generosity motivates him to please you again and again. And again.
Relationships lacking in adequate empathy are also shown to reduce overall happiness in that relationship. A 2024 study that followed 374 cohabitating (but not married) couples discovered the following:
"[A] lack of empathy among cohabitating couples, including a lack of sympathy, sensitivity, understanding, and compassion, may translate into lower relationship quality, including lower relationship satisfaction, love towards one’ partner, and love perceived from one’s partner."
Know this: sensitivity isn't the same as empathy
Empathy isn't simply about being sensitive, though. Dr. Kathy J. Marshack, a licensed psychologist explains an important distinction.
"Empathy is a dynamic, evolving process—not a human trait. From empathy comes the ability to hold dear the feelings and thoughts of others," she writes in her book When Empathy Fails
Empathy also doesn't require someone to blur boundaries in order to be satisfied or pacified. As Dr. Marshack writes, "Those with highly-evolved empathy skills do not confuse the psychological boundaries between themselves and others. They can care, feel compassion and sympathize without taking on the responsibility for another person’s intentions or feelings."
These distinctions are key when it comes to having a healthy, satisfying relationship. Take this example, for instance: A person who is easily offended might be sensitive, but he's not necessarily empathetic. That's because he can identify with his own feelings, but not necessarily be able to imagine (or care about) yours.
So, if you're in the market for a fantastic relationship, try to focus less on his swagger and more on his ability to listen and open up. You won't regret it.
Denise Ngo is a freelance web writer/editor who specializes in pop culture, fashion, science, faith and relationships.
