The Surprising Thing Killing The Intimacy In Your Relationship

Keep this far away from your bedroom.

couple laying on bed guy holding phone clownbusiness / Shutterstock

In not so breaking news, your phone is destroying your sex life, which, of course, you knew.

And if it's not destroying your sex life, then you clearly don't have a smartphone and must upgrade stat, so you can enjoy the perils of them equally as the rest of us.

In the name of misery loves company, we should all watch the demise of our intimate relationships and sex lives together — don't you think?


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According to writer, Paul Levy, our smartphones are, in all seriousness, ruining everything.

As far as he's concerned every time your partner is texting someone, you go into panic and suspicion mode as you feel the "pang of mistrust," which leads you to not kiss him or her goodnight — the horror!


There's also the fact that maybe the "x" at the bottom of a text or email he or she sends you is the only "kiss," you've received in months, therefore forcing you to "forget what real romance is," — again the horror! But maybe I'm also just a product of my generation, so I can't see whatever it is Levy sees, nor can I say it's the worst thing in the world.

About six years ago, Levy noticed that he was constantly on his phone, even in the company of friends and family.

 "I realized I was beginning to get addicted — and I wasn't the only one. So, I began studying the effects of our virtual lives on our physical relationships, and have since spoken to hundreds of couples whose partnerships have been threatened by their addiction to technology."

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What Levy found was what we already know: Yes, Facebook can mess up relationships, even lead to divorce, and yes, physical connections do get diluted because we, as he says, "expect less" from our relationships.

Before I go to sleep every night, I sit in bed and go through emails on my phone. I organize my schedule for the following day and occasionally check Twitter to see what's going on in the world, too. My husband does the same, and so we sit in silence, just inches apart, messing around on our phones.

But as someone who's grown up with a cell phone in my hand for the majority of my life, I don't see this as contributing to a lack of intimacy at all, but rather a necessary thing that must be done before I can go to sleep.

When I am done, I put my phone on silent and leave it next to the bed. I don't touch it again until the morning, unless, of course, there's an emergency. For me, that works, and I strongly feel it's not interfering with my sex life in any way, shape, or form.


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However, if you're leaning toward Levy's idea of thinking and do fear that your relationship is on the brink of a breakup, then he has some ideas for how to get intimacy back in your life. For starters, leave your phone far away from your bedroom; don't even let it come near the door.

Secondly, always put your phone on "airplane mode" when you're meeting up with friends or family. And, lastly, when you text your partner, "I love you," be sure to picture your partner while doing so to make sure you feel that love. And — voila! — you'll get your relationship back on track… according to Levy, that is.


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Amanda Chatel has been a sexual wellness and relationship journalist for over a decade. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Shape, Self, and other outlets.