If Someone Does These 5 Things At A Wedding, They Probably Don't Respect The Bride
Andrey Sayfutdinov | Shutterstock Who doesn't love going to a wedding and catching up with old friends, dancing, and making declarations of love? But being a wedding guest isn't all bouquets and butterflies. Wedding guests aren't there just for their own entertainment or benefit. They are there to support the happy couple on their special day, while also having fun without overdoing it.
Weddings tend to bring out people's best intentions — but sometimes, they also reveal a surprising lack of awareness or respect for the bride. What may seem like harmless, silly behaviors can cross boundaries and shift attention away from the bride on her day. (Are you listening, Victoria Beckham?)
If someone does these 5 things at a wedding, they probably don't respect the bride:
1. Drinking the open bar dry
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Sometimes, being around our old friends makes us want to indulge in younger behaviors, including binge drinking. But just like in college, hangovers aren't fun — and drinking too much can get you into more trouble than a headache and queasy stomach, especially if you're keeping up with your date.
"Alcohol can affect women and men differently. Women often become more impaired," Pamela Peeke, M.D., author of Body for Life for Women, says. So think before you drink, she adds: "Remember [that] when you overdo it, you feel like garbage the next day. Do a little memory lane check."
Pace yourself — wedding season is a marathon, not a sprint. Dr. Peeke recommends alternating drinks with water or seltzer with lime, and having white wine spritzers (aka wine cut with seltzer): "You have half the calories, it lasts longer, and it's refreshing." Cheers!
2. Showing up sick
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Lack of sleep, travel, and heavy drinking (see above) can all wreak havoc on your immune system. So baby yourself with a nap, try to minimize stress, and get your workouts in, all of which boost immune function. And finally, become a little bit of a germaphobe. "I'm a Purell girl. Bring plenty of wipes [and] do everything you can to wash your hands on a routine basis," Dr. Peeke says.
And unless you're a professional ballroom dancer, hours on a dance floor in stilettos can lead to blisters, bunions, or worse. "One of the things that helps is to wear liners that help your foot from skidding and falling forward, so you're not slipping and sliding in your shoe. They will give you extra padding, absorb sweat, and prevent falling," Dr. Peeke says.
She also suggests breaking in shoes ahead of time, choosing a thicker and more graduated heel, wearing open-toe styles that relieve pressure, and going up a size (with pads) for a more comfortable fit. Finally, don't be a heel hero. "Kick them off and have a pair of flip flops to wear," Dr. Peeke suggests.
3. Being a jealous spotlight stealer
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Does the phrase "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" ring a little too true for you? "As altruistic as we want to be, when things happen to other people that we think we should've achieved, we can feel negative instead of positive," Dr. Scott Haltzman, M.D, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women, says. Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, look at the happy couple and think about what you want from your own love life.
"Turn it into an opportunity to get a better sense of what you're looking for, out of all the ways that love and marriage can look," Dr. Haltzman advises. Finally, take your focus off yourself and just enjoy your friend's celebration. Your thoughts and worries are really not what this wedding is about. Let it be about your friend. If it is your 50th wedding, think about the fact that you are such a good friend that people keep inviting you."
4. Getting too caught up in the celebration of love
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Now, we're not the moral police, saying there is anything wrong with getting caught up in the spirit of the day, just so long as you remember to be safe and mindful in the choices you make. "Weddings are by definition a celebration of love and the celebration of two people coming together. The implication is that the couple will be coupling, which involves intimacy. There is a feeling in the room that honors intimacy, maybe in a way that few other situations do," says Dr. Haltzman.
Unfortunately, this atmosphere, combined with alcohol, can contribute to people taking unsafe risks. "The presence of alcohol in your system lowers inhibitions and may cause you to make decisions that go against your general value system," Dr. Haltzman notes. "It may put you at risk physically."
5. Focusing on price, not meaning
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Gifts and dresses and plane flights, oh my. Even if you're not a bridesmaid, wedding expenses can add up to some major money woes unless you prioritize. So choose something for the bride and groom that's meaningful, rather than pricey.
"It is the thought as to who the couple is and what will mean most to them that counts," Scott Palmer, co-author with wife Bethany of First Comes Love, Then Comes Money, says. After thinking about the betrothed couple, Palmer says to think about what is most important to you (and your husband, if you're married). The better hotel? New clothes for the reception? Finally, plan. "The great thing about weddings is that you always know a few months beforehand when they will happen. Start looking at tickets, gifts, and that perfect dress or suit early," Palmer says.
Amy Levin-Epstein is a freelance writer who has been published in Glamour, Self, Prevention, More, Food Network, Pregnancy, and the New York Post. Her work can also be read online on the websites for CBS Moneywatch, Babble, Details, Woman's Day, Men's Fitness, and AOL.
